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10 Great Excuses For Not Reading Your Bible
The Babylon Bee ^ | Jul 26, 2022 | BabylonBee.com

Posted on 07/27/2022 9:49:29 PM PDT by fidelis

We get it. It's hard to read the divinely inspired word of the creator of the universe. He's so judgy! But, since your salvation might depend on it, you better get some great excuses ready to share on Judgment Day.

Here are some of the best excuses for not reading your Bible:

1. You just went to church last month and don't want to overdo it: You don't want to be an extremist!

2. It's not as encouraging as Your Best Life Now: Joel Osteen's prose is to die for.

3. If you take your eye off the Hot Pocket you're microwaving for one second it might burn: And then you'd be hungry! God wouldn't want that.

4. You already watched The Chosen: It's so hard to get into a good book if you already know how it ends.

5. Those 900 Korok seeds in Zelda: Breath of the Wild aren't going to collect themselves: Finding Korok seeds is a metaphor for finding Christ probably.

6. You're Donald Trump and don't need forgiveness: He has never done anything wrong, ever.

7. You're still recovering from the story of Ehud: Enough to give anyone PTSD.

8. You misplaced your copy and new ones are so hard to find: You have to walk all the way to the back of Barnes & Noble.

9. The Jordan Peterson lecture on Genesis you watched has you covered: Up yours woke moralists! We'll see who cancels who from paradise!

20. It's not like the Bible is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work, or anything like that: 'Cause if it were, you'd definitely meditate on it day and night.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; becauseimcatholic; bible; humor; satire
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To: Elsie

Come now, Elsie!

Please be polite.

A very archangel deferred respectfully to Mary, addressing her formally as “Full of Grace”.

I’m not just whistling Dixie here.


201 posted on 07/29/2022 1:21:35 PM PDT by one guy in new jersey
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To: Elsie

When you begin to write under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit like St Paul, you can be as snarky as you wish. Until then, unless you are going to carry on a polite conversation like an adult and a Christian, please don’t address me. I’m too old to be baited and too experienced in dealing with belligerent people to allow my time and good will to be wasted. Please see my tagline. Repeat as necessary.


202 posted on 07/29/2022 1:28:43 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: fidelis

Well played.

203 posted on 07/29/2022 1:45:21 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: metmom
I am not at home and so do not have access to the teachings about Mary that Catholicism promulgates. I will address some of that by Monday.

Of course. But if you do, don’t bother spamming a page of material or proof-texting verses like some people on this (and other threads) or multiple posts and expect me to address it all. If there is a question or questions you have, let’s discuss them one at a time like fellow rational Christians of good will. Otherwise, I promise you I will ignore them. I don’t want you to waste your time (or mine) typing out a bunch of stuff (or copying and pasting) just have me ignore it. I’m always happy to charitably discuss the Faith but have no patience for such polemic tactics.

204 posted on 07/29/2022 2:23:17 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: fidelis

There’s no scriptural evidence or proof for the claim that Mary was sinless, is there?


205 posted on 07/29/2022 2:57:22 PM PDT by Ken Regis
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To: Ken Regis

We’ll find out when the person I’m chatting with this about gets back to me. I’m not stupid enough to engage four people at once. Been around too long for that.


206 posted on 07/29/2022 5:02:02 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: fidelis
I KNEW you wouldn't do it.

Regarding, "...I do not ascribe..."
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

((Honestly, I don't care what you ascribe to or don't ascribe to. I pity your students.))

1 Pet 1:19 Jesus is called “a lamb without blemish or defect.”
1 Pet 2:22 Peter uses Isaiah’s words to rightly describe Jesus: “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”
John 3:5 about Jesus, that “in him is no sin.”
Cor 5:21 Paul writes (under inspiration) that “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us.”
Heb 4:15 the writer says that in Jesus “we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.”

One of the solid, inviolable theological foundations for God's gracious forgiveness relies on the sinlessness of his Son, Jesus Christ. Our redemption rests upon Christ's sinless life and substitutionary death.

When Catholics claim that Mary was also sinless, they open the possibility that Jesus was not the only one suited to pay the price that we could not pay.

This makes the teaching that Mary was sinless antithetical to orthodoxy. To teach it is error.

Anyone who teaches this is working in opposition to God’s plan of salvation.

Regarding traditions, I don’t care if you have a tradition of playing BINGO on Thursday or Friday, I don't care if you kneel on hardwood or a well-padded kneeler - it makes no difference. But regarding who can serve as the sinless Lamb of God and and pay that no other human can, THAT is a matter of importance.

Snarky?
yes.

You already didn't answer, so I don't care if you don't answer again. But you WILL answer some day.

James 3:1

207 posted on 07/29/2022 5:15:01 PM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
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To: kinsman redeemer

See my tagline. Repeat as necessary.


208 posted on 07/29/2022 5:19:25 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: fidelis; Elsie; metmom; kinsman redeemer

Ah ah ah.

The Apostle Paul states, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”

Snark is our moral and Christian duty, in spite of the finger-wagging claims otherwise!


209 posted on 07/29/2022 8:00:55 PM PDT by Luircin
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To: Luircin
In that regard, he also says:

“Let your speech always be gracious and seasoned with wisdom, so that you will know how to respond properly to all.” (Colossians 4:6)

210 posted on 07/29/2022 8:22:48 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: Ken Regis; fidelis; kinsman redeemer

“There’s no scriptural evidence or proof for the claim that Mary was sinless, is there?”

No. There isn’t.

It’s hearsay.


211 posted on 07/29/2022 10:15:10 PM PDT by Ken Regis
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To: fidelis

Well, when you make comments that can easily be disproved or refuted with Catholic sources and comments and yet refuse to read them, it is a very good indicator that you are actually interested in the truth about the matter.

The other option is to make unfounded assertions that are then dismissed as anecdotal and therefore meaningless.

It is then a lose/lose situation in attempting to prove my point to a Catholic.


212 posted on 07/29/2022 11:13:27 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
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To: metmom
Well, when you make comments that can easily be disproved or refuted with Catholic sources and comments and yet refuse to read them, it is a very good indicator that you are actually interested in the truth about the matter.

The other option is to make unfounded assertions that are then dismissed as anecdotal and therefore meaningless.

It is then a lose/lose situation in attempting to prove my point to a Catholic.

I've done none of these things, nor would I. All I did was request to discuss things like adult Christians and not engage in verse slinging or spamming which are common tactics of people engaging in crude polemics. Is that really so hard? Do you have so little faith in what you believe you feel constrained if you can't engage in a normal conversation? That would be very sad.

I'm still willing to chat with you about these things, but if you are unwilling or unable to discuss things civilly or charitably, that is up to you, but that means, unfortunately, our conversation is at it's end. Have a blessed evening.

213 posted on 07/29/2022 11:47:20 PM PDT by fidelis (👈 Under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious posts.)
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To: Ken Regis
You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel!

I am under no obligation to respond to rude, ignorant, abusive, bellicose, and obnoxious accusations.

It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’

Well, you're just engaging in verse slinging - a common tactic, with you, isn't it?

214 posted on 07/30/2022 4:14:09 AM PDT by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good. )
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To: kinsman redeemer
The 'first pope' wrote:
 
1 PETER 3:15   DRA
But sanctify the Lord Christ in your hearts, being ready always to satisfy every one that asketh you a reason of that hope which is in you.
 
 

 
And this guy wrote:
 
Jude 1:3
 Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints.
 
 
 
 

215 posted on 07/30/2022 5:19:40 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: kinsman redeemer
It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’


It is Taught, ‘Man cannot live by bread alone, but ALSO by every word that comes from the Chair of Peter and some utterings by unnamed apparitions; too.’


(And be sure not to neglect or forget any beating heart Hosts!)

216 posted on 07/30/2022 5:23:42 AM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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To: Elsie

Faith comes through hearing.
Roman chapter 10.

The church has teaching authority. Bible alone is a Protestant tradition.

Remember that we compiled the canon of the Bible from all of the books floating around claiming to be scripture. There is no list of books in the Bible itself. You already rely on the teachings of the Catholic Church by referring back to our book.


217 posted on 07/31/2022 8:52:28 AM PDT by Texas_Guy
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To: Texas_Guy

LOL @ “..:books floating around..:”

You people!


218 posted on 07/31/2022 3:52:26 PM PDT by Ken Regis
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To: Ken Regis

… just like the nuns.


219 posted on 07/31/2022 3:55:04 PM PDT by Ken Regis
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To: Texas_Guy
Bible alone is a Protestant tradition.

Therefore, bible alone is not enough.

220 posted on 07/31/2022 6:19:39 PM PDT by Elsie (Heck is where people, who don't believe in Gosh, think they are not going...)
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