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You Might Just Be A Calvinist If….
Disciple Man ^ | February 12, 2011

Posted on 06/13/2011 6:54:18 PM PDT by Gamecock

You Might Just Be A Calvinist If….

If you have a Martin Luther Jell-O mold… you just might be a Calvinist.

If your DVR has over 25 episodes of Wretched With Todd Friel recorded on it… you just might be a Calvinist.

If your child’s first word was “Westminster”… you just might be a Calvinist.

If your 4 year old can explain what the word “propitiation” means… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day… you might be a Calvinist.

If your passion for evangelism blows away your Arminian friends… you might just be a (true) Calvinist.

If you hate rap music BUT you listen to Lecrea, The Cross Movement, Flame or D.A. T.R.U.T.H. because of the lyrics and theology… you might be a Calvinist.

If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur make up 90% of your Facebook statuses…you might be a Calvinist.

If you still remember the 8 speakers in order from the recent T4G conference… you might be a Calvinist.

If you cringe every time you hear someone proclaim “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life! Choose Jesus!”… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever wanted to attend a Benny Hinn crusade just so you could stand up and shout “Ichabod!!”… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you purposefully read a book to be convicted… you might just be a Calvinist.

If a free Bible or book has ever arrived in the mail to you from John McArthur… you might be a Calvinist.

If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet …you just might be a Calvinist.

If you ever have found yourself thinking “My pastor’s sermon was particularly Spurgeonesque this morning”… you just might be a Calvinist.

If you read “The Purpose Driven Life” just to see how bad the book really is… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you go to your bookshelf in search of a particular John MacArthur book only to discover that your 14 year old son is reading it up in his bedroom… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons… you might be a Calvinist.

If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons… you might be a Calvinist.

If you have adjusted the default passage setting at www.biblegateway.org from “NIV” to “ESV” … you might be a Calvinist.

If while visiting friends or family’s homes you hid their copy of “The Shack” (for their own good)… you might just be a Calvinist.

If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index… you might be a Calvinist.

If your teenagers are excited that your church’s youth group is learning Biblical theology and being spiritually challenged instead of playing stupid games and eating pizza…. you might just be a Calvinist.

If you think a 50-minute sermon is too short… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever heard a wave of groans sweep through Sunday School when you refer to Romans 9… you might be a Calvinist.

If you find yourself talking to the Lord Jesus more than to your family… you might be a Calvinist.

If you get irritated when you visit a Christian bookstore and ask where they keep the books on deeper theology and they point you to the Joel Osteen section… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television… you might be a Calvinist.

If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur pop into your head at random times during the day …you might be a Calvinist.

If you can barely contain your laughter when someone refers to Joyce Meyer as a “minister”… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you are confused when someone uses the term “my Bible” as if they only have one…you might be a Calvinist.

If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine…you might be a Calvinist.

If you smile, nod and hold your tongue with your teeth after a lively church service when someone says, “God showed up today”… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever shouted “YES!” when the pastor says to turn to 1st Thessalonians…you might be a Calvinist.

If you see 6:37 on a digital clock and think of the Lord Jesus’ words in John… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve muted a Thanksgiving football game because it’s interfering with your family discussion of Ephesians 1… you might be a Calvinist.

If you have bookmarked three or more preachers’ scripture index webpages… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture… you might be a Calvinist.

If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture… you might be a Calvinist.

If your kids own more Bibles than televisions… you might be a Calvinist.

If your children never ask you “Where are we going?” on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever read parts of “The Bondage of the Will” to children under ten and prayed that it would change their lives… you might be a Calvinist.

If your children argue and you require them to listen to a Piper Sermon as punishment… you might be a Calvinist.

If you visit spurgeon.org, desiringgod.org, and gty.org, more than once a day, yep… you guessed it… YOU, my dear friend, might just be a Calvinist!!

SOLI DEO GLORIA!


TOPICS: General Discusssion; Humor
KEYWORDS: calvinst; grpl
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To: tal hajus

Wikipedia points out that AC’s dad was a pastor in a branch of the LDS and that Alice Cooper is now a born-again. Dunno how true it is, but it seems about right in the references


81 posted on 06/14/2011 1:23:31 PM PDT by Cronos ( W Szczebrzeszynie chrząszcz brzmi w trzcinie I Szczebrzeszyn z tego słynie.)
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To: Cronos

Thanks. Guess Circus magazine (yes I’m THAT old) was wrong.


82 posted on 06/14/2011 1:46:46 PM PDT by tal hajus (ever the cynic)
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To: PetroniusMaximus

***Did Adam’s sin not effect all “individuals”???***

Yup. Are you saying that Jesus’s death and resurrection saved all, in the manner that Adams sin condemned all?

Umm, what about the goats?


83 posted on 06/14/2011 3:21:40 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: PetroniusMaximus

The righteous folks in the Bible are righteous because they had faith in Christ.

It’s in the Bible.


84 posted on 06/14/2011 3:34:54 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: P8riot

Bingo!


85 posted on 06/14/2011 3:36:46 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: Gamecock

“The righteous folks in the Bible are righteous because they had faith in Christ.”

Not arguing that! I’m asking (hypothetically) where there is an example of God turning a righteous person to wickedness - to show the extent of His sovereignty. The reason I am asking this is to bring light to the fact that God hardens wicked people - those who have already chosen wickedness (ex. Rom 1.)and He doesn’t go about randomly hardening people. He does, infact “... hardens whomever he wills.” but, according to Romans and Thessalonians He chooses to do so only to those who have already made their choice and rejected the light they have.

It’s also in the Bible.


86 posted on 06/14/2011 4:14:14 PM PDT by PetroniusMaximus
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To: P8riot; ShadowAce; Gamecock
our will isn’t free at all

Then how can we be held responsible?

there really isn’t any other choice.

Same question.

87 posted on 06/14/2011 4:46:12 PM PDT by D-fendr (Deus non alligatur sacramentis sed nos alligamur.)
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To: P8riot; Gamecock

Unless you are a Universalist.
///
?


88 posted on 06/14/2011 5:55:45 PM PDT by Elendur (the hope and change i need: Sarah / Colonel West in 2012)
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To: PetroniusMaximus

Oh! I see what you are saying.

Of course he doesn’t take his elect and harden them. But he does take the wicked and give them hearts of flesh, causes them to be reborn and thus, with a couple of other intermediary steps brought about by the Holy Spirit, makes the ungodly righteous.

Hardening the heart of the already unrighteous brings about the removal of all restraint that God had exerted on their miserable lives and exposes them for what they really are.


89 posted on 06/15/2011 2:55:45 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: Gamecock
Of course he doesn’t take his elect and harden them.

Know a lot about God's motives and heart, do you?

Would God take His elect and destroy their lives, kill their family, and let them rot from disease?

90 posted on 06/16/2011 8:26:40 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: ShadowAce; Gamecock
Would God take His elect and destroy their lives, kill their family, and let them rot from disease?

Ask Job.

91 posted on 06/16/2011 1:01:27 PM PDT by Lee N. Field (Never argue eschatology with a crazy person.)
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To: Lee N. Field

My point exactly. The “Of course..” portion of his post irked me for assuming he knows what God will/will not do.


92 posted on 06/16/2011 1:03:01 PM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: ShadowAce

That’s not the same as hardening their heart, now is it?


93 posted on 06/16/2011 1:56:17 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: Gamecock
Didn't say it was, did I?

However if He is willing to do that to the most righteous man on earth at the time, then I don't think you can claim you know whether He would harden the heart of the the elect.

94 posted on 06/17/2011 5:25:52 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: ShadowAce

I think you are confusing apples and oranges.

Trials are not the same as hardening.

And yes I can say He will not harden one of the elect.

Phil 1:6: And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”l

37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,m neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.


95 posted on 06/17/2011 3:32:33 PM PDT by Gamecock (It's not eat drink and be merry because tommow we die, but rather because yesterday we were dead.)
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To: Gamecock

PINK? the raunchy singer?
If Calvins follow her...sign me up


96 posted on 06/19/2011 3:49:36 AM PDT by Yorlik803 (better to die on your feet than live on your knees.)
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To: Gamecock
Trials are not the same as hardening.

Again--I did not say they are.

What I *did* say is that you cannot know what God will or will not do, nor can you know His motives. You cavalier use of the phrase "of course" indicates that you are on intimate terms with God to the point that you know what He will and will not do.

That is what I was trying to say.

97 posted on 06/20/2011 5:12:10 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Gamecock

The FIRST thing I see, after a long, long hiatus from the FR Religion forum, is this...

Thanks Lord for predestining this, I needed this chuckle just now, and thanks Gamecock!


98 posted on 06/21/2011 4:34:23 PM PDT by Ottofire (Philippians 1:21: For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.)
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To: Gamecock

>> If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur make up 90% of your Facebook statuses…you might be a Calvinist. <<

Pink?

“I’m coming out so you better get this party started”?


99 posted on 06/24/2011 2:23:22 PM PDT by dangus
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