Wait, I'm seriously missing something here.
You mean this Pink?
Posted on 06/13/2011 6:54:18 PM PDT by Gamecock
You Might Just Be A Calvinist If….
If you have a Martin Luther Jell-O mold… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your DVR has over 25 episodes of Wretched With Todd Friel recorded on it… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your child’s first word was “Westminster”… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your 4 year old can explain what the word “propitiation” means… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day… you might be a Calvinist.
If your passion for evangelism blows away your Arminian friends… you might just be a (true) Calvinist.
If you hate rap music BUT you listen to Lecrea, The Cross Movement, Flame or D.A. T.R.U.T.H. because of the lyrics and theology… you might be a Calvinist.
If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur make up 90% of your Facebook statuses…you might be a Calvinist.
If you still remember the 8 speakers in order from the recent T4G conference… you might be a Calvinist.
If you cringe every time you hear someone proclaim “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life! Choose Jesus!”… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever wanted to attend a Benny Hinn crusade just so you could stand up and shout “Ichabod!!”… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you purposefully read a book to be convicted… you might just be a Calvinist.
If a free Bible or book has ever arrived in the mail to you from John McArthur… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet …you just might be a Calvinist.
If you ever have found yourself thinking “My pastor’s sermon was particularly Spurgeonesque this morning”… you just might be a Calvinist.
If you read “The Purpose Driven Life” just to see how bad the book really is… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you go to your bookshelf in search of a particular John MacArthur book only to discover that your 14 year old son is reading it up in his bedroom… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have adjusted the default passage setting at www.biblegateway.org from “NIV” to “ESV” … you might be a Calvinist.
If while visiting friends or family’s homes you hid their copy of “The Shack” (for their own good)… you might just be a Calvinist.
If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index… you might be a Calvinist.
If your teenagers are excited that your church’s youth group is learning Biblical theology and being spiritually challenged instead of playing stupid games and eating pizza…. you might just be a Calvinist.
If you think a 50-minute sermon is too short… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever heard a wave of groans sweep through Sunday School when you refer to Romans 9… you might be a Calvinist.
If you find yourself talking to the Lord Jesus more than to your family… you might be a Calvinist.
If you get irritated when you visit a Christian bookstore and ask where they keep the books on deeper theology and they point you to the Joel Osteen section… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television… you might be a Calvinist.
If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur pop into your head at random times during the day …you might be a Calvinist.
If you can barely contain your laughter when someone refers to Joyce Meyer as a “minister”… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you are confused when someone uses the term “my Bible” as if they only have one…you might be a Calvinist.
If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine…you might be a Calvinist.
If you smile, nod and hold your tongue with your teeth after a lively church service when someone says, “God showed up today”… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever shouted “YES!” when the pastor says to turn to 1st Thessalonians…you might be a Calvinist.
If you see 6:37 on a digital clock and think of the Lord Jesus’ words in John… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve muted a Thanksgiving football game because it’s interfering with your family discussion of Ephesians 1… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have bookmarked three or more preachers’ scripture index webpages… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
If your kids own more Bibles than televisions… you might be a Calvinist.
If your children never ask you “Where are we going?” on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever read parts of “The Bondage of the Will” to children under ten and prayed that it would change their lives… you might be a Calvinist.
If your children argue and you require them to listen to a Piper Sermon as punishment… you might be a Calvinist.
If you visit spurgeon.org, desiringgod.org, and gty.org, more than once a day, yep… you guessed it… YOU, my dear friend, might just be a Calvinist!!
SOLI DEO GLORIA!
If you believe that Pope Benedict XVI is the devil, and that his followers are Mary-worshipping pedophilic alcoholics who hate Scripture and curse themselves with the sign of the cross,
Then you might be my Bible-thumping coworker.
;^)
Just sayin'.
My pleasure!
“Don’t be silly. Our love for Christ should so overshadow the love we have for our parents that we in contrast we appear to hate our parents.
Just sayin’.”
++++++++++++++++++
Now hang on there partner...
How do you distinguish between the HATE of the Esau verse and Jesus’ instruction to HATE our parents?????
One, you say is literal. The other comparative.
How do you make that distinction???
If you’ve never, ever uttered the words “I’ll be brief,” you just MIGHT be....well, you know. :-)
I guess I are one.
Sorry, I still like the NASB better than the ESV but the one that really gave me pause was “Pink”—my first thought was the celebrity with that color hair, and couldn’t figure out why she was being mentioned in the same class as Spurgeon :-)
Because if we insist on literally hating our parents, and yet we are told to honor them, we have fractured Scripture.
No such fracture exists with God hating x number of people.
This one:
“If you’ve never, ever uttered the words “I’ll be brief,” you just MIGHT be....well, you know. :-)”
________________________________________
Errr, I am not sure why I was pinged.
I had never seen this FR thread.
Does this mean that I have been marked, and should be
afraid..very affraid? hahaha ;)
If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist.
Ain't it the truth.
If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet …you just might be a Calvinist.
I have purchased cheap copies of "The Heidelberg" to give out. Think of it as an unusually large tract.
If you read “The Purpose Driven Life” just to see how bad the book really is… you might just be a Calvinist.
My copy of PDL sits on my "questionable to heretical" shelf, alonside Warren mentor Rob't Schuller's Self Esteem: The New Reformation, the Catholic Catechism, the Book o' Mormon, and some Marian apparition stuff. I'm keeping an eye out for Osteen and co.
If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons… you might be a Calvinist.If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
And, I have the Luther movie on my player.
If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index… you might be a Calvinist.
If your preacher has ever given a sermon on Nahum, ... (Yes, back in the day.)
If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television… you might be a Calvinist.
Not too difficult.
If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine…you might be a Calvinist.
You would not believe how beat up the covers of my RSB got. To the duct tape stage in less than a year. Interior's fine. Spend the money to get something that's not glued together.
If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
It's possible I'm viewed as a troublemaker.
If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
< sigh>
Interestingly enough, Alice Cooper is reported to be a Calvinist.
tulip
Yes my ancestors were Walloons and Huguenots
If you have ever watched Joel Osteen on TV and you were just utterly speechless.....
“No such fracture exists with God hating x number of people.”
Oh “yes it do”!
“For God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
“The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands ALL PEOPLE everywhere to repent, “
(Incidentally, my little son sitting here has told me to tell you to check on it in the Bible and you will find out that God loves everyone and He wants them to be saved.)
“For God so loved THE WORLD" does not say For God so loved everyone in the world, now does it? Rather is means there are those from every tongue tribe and nation.
"but now he commands ALL PEOPLE everywhere to repent"
And those who do will be saved. Those who don't, well, we know how that will turn out.
the Bible and you will find out that God loves everyone and He wants them to be saved
All men or all men whom He chooses? If He want all men to be saved, why dis he harden the heart of Pharaoh? Why does He harden those who he desires? If you hold that he wants all to be saved and yet he hardens hearts and creates some to be vessels of wrath, well, you have fractured Scripture.
Best regards to your son! 8-)
I've received two of them.
How many of those do you have to match to wear the badge (for some - of shame) of “Calvinist”?
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