Posted on 02/13/2003 12:06:09 PM PST by new cruelty
French online cheese boutique, Fromage.com, is receiving a raft of e-mails from irate US customers who may like the cheese, but take offence at France’s position on Iraq, in what seems to be the start of an unofficial boycott of French goods, according to a report from Reuters.
While American lawmakers are drafting legislation to impose sanctions on French water and wine because of the country’s demand that a case for war against Iraq has yet to be made, and her hawkish columnists are calling France a nation of ‘cheese-eating surrender-monkeys,’ Main Street, USA has stopped ordering French cheese online.
Orders for Fromage.com have declined considerably, says the report, but Marc Refabert, the owner of the internet fromagerie, is not moved. "You've got to be adult. I don't think it's a very well thought-through reaction," said Refabert.
He expects the Americans will climb down in a few months, saying that French cheese just tastes too good.
Check out # 99 on this thread its a generic "screw you frenchie" email you (all) can send to the various frog net retailers ... officially placed in the public domain.
Besides I hear they age their cheese by pressing it under their armpits.
Isn't that the list of names from some Hip Hop group?
-Mark Twain
From a good piece re: the French and the Simpsons in the Philadelphia Inquirier:
Creator Matt Groening has been skewering Gallic mores since the show's first season. In the 1990 episode "The Crepes of Wrath," Bart goes to France as an exchange student, only to be exploited by unscrupulous wine dealers.
But it was an episode eight years ago that spawned an insult for the ages. Groundskeeper Willie, forced by budget cuts to teach French at Springfield's elementary school, bellows to the class in his rich Scottish burr, "BONJOURRRRRR, ye cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys."
The phrase, kept alive ever since by Internet bloggers and columnist Jonah Goldberg, has caused puzzlement in France. On Saturday, conservative newspaper Le Figaro translated it as "primates capitulards et toujours en quête de fromages," or, roughly, "capitulating primates always questing for cheeses."
(a customer walks in the door)
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
Owner: Peckish, sir?
Customer: Esuriant.
Owner: Eh?
Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!
Owner: Ah, hungry!
Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!
Owner: Come again?
Customer: I want to buy some cheese.
Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!
Owner: Sorry?
Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too! Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?
Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.
Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.
Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.
Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.
Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?
Owner: Sorry, sir.
Customer: Red Windsor?
Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
Customer: Ah. Stilton?
Owner: Sorry.
Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?
Owner: No.
Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.
Owner: No.
Customer: Lipta?
Owner: No.
Customer: Lancashire?
Owner: No.
Customer: White Stilton?
Owner: No.
Customer: Danish Brew?
Owner: No.
Customer: Double Gloucester?
Owner: No.
Customer: Cheshire?
Owner: No.
Customer: Dorset Bluveny?
Owner: No.
Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?
Owner: No.
Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?
Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.
Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
Customer: Oh, I like it runny.
Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!
Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
Customer: I don't care how f**king runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
Owner: Oooooooooohhh........!
Customer: What now?
Owner: The cat's eaten it.
Customer: Has he.
Owner: She, sir.
(pause)
Customer: Gouda?
Owner: No.
Customer: Edam?
Owner: No.
Customer: Case Ness?
Owner: No.
Customer: Smoked Austrian?
Owner: No.
Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?
Owner: No, sir.
Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?
Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--
Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
Owner: Fair enough.
Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
Owner: Yes?
Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
Customer: Greek Feta?
Owner: Uh, not as such.
Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?
Owner: no
Customer: Parmesan,
Owner: no Owner: no
Customer: Paper Cramer,
Owner: no
Customer: Danish Bimbo,
Owner: no
Customer: Czech sheep's milk,
Owner: no
Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?
Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?
Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world!
Owner: Not 'round here, sir.
Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?
Owner: 'Illchester, sir.
Customer: IS it.
Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
Customer: Is it.
Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!
Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?
Owner: Right, sir.
Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
Owner: I'll have a look, sir... .....nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
Owner: Finest in the district!
Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!
Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....
Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.
Customer: Would it be worth it?
Owner: Could be....
Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
Owner: Told you sir....
Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?
Owner: No.
Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
Owner: Yessir?
Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.
Owner: Yes, sir.
Customer: Really?
(pause)
Owner: No. Not really, sir.
Customer: You haven't.
Owner: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Owner: Right-Oh, sir.
(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)
Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
What a brave, inspirational lot, those frogs.
< / sarcasm >
I buy American cheese. Mostly cheddar.
I understand they sing in church What a Friend We Have in Cheeses. But I could be wrong.
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