Posted on 02/03/2003 6:13:20 PM PST by softengine
A recent story floating around the variety section of a newspaper I still read occasionally reminded me of a conversation I had with a college girlfriend about six months ago. She's a pretty woman – slender, petite, well-educated and intelligent. She has an excellent, high-paying job and even owns her own house.
She is, in short, the epitome of feminist success. And yet, she is profoundly disappointed with her life. She has, in her own words, continued to stumble upwards while somehow missing out on the only thing she truly wanted – a husband and a family.
Nor is she alone, in anecdotal or statistical terms. Not only do the majority of women who were in our college social circle remain unmarried, but according Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, author of "Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman," a 30-something woman is three times more likely to be unmarried than her 1970's counterpart. While some might argue that this is a good thing, most demographics experts would disagree, as would, it appears, an awful lot of those 30-something single women.
While Whitehead correctly identifies the general problem, she is as clueless as the next feminist as to how to go about solving it. Instead of recommending that individuals change the one thing within their power – namely, their behavior – she advocates altering the entire system of courtship. Given this typically fascistic feminist approach, I am, of course, shocked that her six 30-something daughters and nieces all remain available.
But, as I told my friend, the root of the problem is that the kind of man she wants is precisely the man who is smart enough to stay away from her. Smart, educated women aren't willing to date down on the social scale, so the higher they rise, the more they cut down on their available pool of men. Furthermore, the smarter a man is, the more he is likely to realize that being romantically involved with an intelligent, educated, upper-middle-class American woman steeped in 20 years of feminist indoctrination is about as desirable as being flayed alive and rolled in salt.
Consider the premarital professions of the women in my social circle, all of whom are now stay-at-home moms happily married to intelligent, successful men: Farmgirl. Nanny. Teacher. Office manager. Nanny. Pipeline worker. Professional student. Church volunteer. That's eight quality men who won't be marrying a high-powered career girl right there.
The advice I gave my friend was succinct: In any given dating situation, think about what your instincts are telling you – then do the opposite. It's like football … if the run is getting stuffed, then throw the darn ball.
So, in the unlikely event there happens to be a 30-something single woman reading this, here are a few pointers which might be helpful while you wait for Ms. Dafoe Whitehead and company to change the dating culture:
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
2. Your family has to put up with you. For everyone else, it's optional.
3. Southern belles always get what they want. Watch and learn, grasshopper.
4. Sex as an incentive is fair enough. Using its deprivation as a punishment will backfire hideously.
5. Mocking your man in public creates a no-win situation. He can either slice and dice you verbally, which is no fun for you, or keep his mouth shut and look like an idiot. In the case of the latter, it doesn't mean that you've won, or that he's forgotten.
6. Men love happy women. Act happy and you may discover how to be happy.
7. If there's a doubt, choose the most optimistic interpretation. That's what he meant.
8. Honey, honey, honey – a thousand times honey. Never vinegar.
9. Conflict is not passion. It isn't any fun, either.
10. Limit yourself to five complaints and demands a day. If you're not counting, you're over the limit.
11. If no one ever taught you the traditional arts, find an older woman to be your mentor.
12. Your feelings and objectively verifiable facts may be different. Learn to distinguish between them.
Now, I'm not saying that applying these principles to your dating scene will turn frogs into princes or anything, but they will get you in the game. And if all else fails, just tell your next first date that you're thinking of quitting your job and returning to your former career as an aerobics instructor. He'll be intrigued, trust me.
I'm not steeped in feminism. I listen to it with disdain, hearing it daily as I do from my much younger coworkers. But they have dates come Friday. They may screw up those dates with their none too subtle Gandylike views, but they do have dates.
So the good guys end up choosing those with aspirations to Nannydom and Tupperware parties. Could it be that they ARE afraid of those with more than two brain cells to rub together? And yes, I am donning the Nanny flame suit as I write this? (I actually like Nannies. I've found them very convenient, hard working, dependable.....)
And there is a shortage of men?
Years ago people married to survive in the world. Times have changed and so have people's ideas about marriage. If one's priority is love and compatibility there is no control over when and how that will occur no matter how nice a person is. I know plenty of nice people both male and female who are still single and looking.
Could it be that they ARE afraid of those with more than two brain cells to rub together?
I am what was commonly referred to as a "spit-fire" personality. Maureen O'Hara type not finding any John Waynes'.
When I look around I see a lot of men do go for the demure Tupperware party-type
(don't misunderstand, nothing wrong with demure or Tupperware)
This is far and away the funniest thing I've read in a while.
Personally, I'd settle for five AN HOUR.
Now, I have to get off the computer before the Mrs. sees this. :)
Ever heard of an airplane? :>)
OK....
Ready... ;-)
For starters, whether or not you tend to believe in idealistic feminism, there are some severe contradictions in contemporary society, that are taught to women.
Consider, that women are taught that they can be CEO of a Fortune-500 company, a fighter-jock, as much (if not more) of a man, then men are... That women and men are exactly the same, with no differences (show me a man that can give birth to a child, and I'll call him a woman ;-)), etc... In short, women are generally taught that they can be ALL these things, involving personal power... and yet, be vulnerable and dependant on someone else, when it comes to a relationship... These contradictions of message put Western women (generally speaking, here) in quite a bind. And... supposing, for the sake of argument, that a woman can be all these things, and have children and a home- when would she sleep?
Southern belles, as the author pointed out, easily get the things they want- not by trying to be more of a man then men are, but by capitalizing on their feminity, the one thing that men simply can't battle...
Men are simplistic, linear-thinking creatures, for the most part. We compete with each other on a physical level- which women can't realistically compete on... We compete aggressively, even beating the living hell out of each other, to be at the top of the pecking-order... But when the man comes home at night, a lady, with the right smile and a sweet tone to her voice, asks him to do something...? And he meekly says, "ok, honey..." LOL... All the masculine prowess in the world is pathetic, next to the weapons that a wise woman has at her disposal...
Class, femininity, charm... These things can overpower a man, far more efficiently than anything else.
An old Russian expression, "the man is at the wheel of the ship, the woman holds it in her palm." Something to think about...
After having travelled extensively outside the sphere of "western" influence...? I know that I will never get re-married to a woman from the USA, or probably any other western country... Too crass, too crude. Too arrogant and blatantly selfish...
And, while there are certainly nice, good-hearted women to be found here in the USA...? There are far more women with enough emotional baggage (sufficient to choke American Airlines) than not... I'll go where the odds are a lot better...
Because I can... And I will... Considering that 1/3 of all legal immigration to this country (according to the latest INS reports) are foreign spouses of American citizens, it seems logical that I'm not the only American man who has come to this conclusion...
Good luck, on finding your Mr. Right... ;-))) They're out there... but there aren't that many, by my observations... :-\
You obviously don't know where to look.......try church...... you might change your mind
No America will collapse because we have transcended the laws of God
Seconded. Men's lives are competition. They compete for women, for jobs, for everything they get in life. The last thing they want to come to home to, at the end of a long day, is another competitor.
Good article and good points.
The corrupt lawyer industry is ferociously destroying the institution of marraige. And in the unlikely event they marry, sane men would NEVER choose a feminist b*tch from h*ll!
What about the nesting instinct? Has no one thought that the man may have an unconscious desire to mate and live with a nesting female? Career women with employment drive are not generally as well suited to applying that drive within the less flashy 'home and hearth' context. The above posts read like women think men are beauty driven, or 'find me a dumb one I can dominate' driven. They might be unconsciously driven by 'find one that wants to share a nest and nestlings' driven. Looks are only one piece of the pie of contentment. Men want to nest, also. It's in their developmental and recent past ... a bot grows to his teens within the relationship to a woman maintaining a nest, nesting in one form or another. Denesting breeds more denested.
['Pawsing' now to hike up my asbestos coverings ... I'm a Leo, my paws have claws.]
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