I'm not steeped in feminism. I listen to it with disdain, hearing it daily as I do from my much younger coworkers. But they have dates come Friday. They may screw up those dates with their none too subtle Gandylike views, but they do have dates.
So the good guys end up choosing those with aspirations to Nannydom and Tupperware parties. Could it be that they ARE afraid of those with more than two brain cells to rub together? And yes, I am donning the Nanny flame suit as I write this? (I actually like Nannies. I've found them very convenient, hard working, dependable.....)
And there is a shortage of men?
Years ago people married to survive in the world. Times have changed and so have people's ideas about marriage. If one's priority is love and compatibility there is no control over when and how that will occur no matter how nice a person is. I know plenty of nice people both male and female who are still single and looking.
Could it be that they ARE afraid of those with more than two brain cells to rub together?
I am what was commonly referred to as a "spit-fire" personality. Maureen O'Hara type not finding any John Waynes'.
When I look around I see a lot of men do go for the demure Tupperware party-type
(don't misunderstand, nothing wrong with demure or Tupperware)
This is far and away the funniest thing I've read in a while.
Personally, I'd settle for five AN HOUR.
Now, I have to get off the computer before the Mrs. sees this. :)
OK....
Ready... ;-)
For starters, whether or not you tend to believe in idealistic feminism, there are some severe contradictions in contemporary society, that are taught to women.
Consider, that women are taught that they can be CEO of a Fortune-500 company, a fighter-jock, as much (if not more) of a man, then men are... That women and men are exactly the same, with no differences (show me a man that can give birth to a child, and I'll call him a woman ;-)), etc... In short, women are generally taught that they can be ALL these things, involving personal power... and yet, be vulnerable and dependant on someone else, when it comes to a relationship... These contradictions of message put Western women (generally speaking, here) in quite a bind. And... supposing, for the sake of argument, that a woman can be all these things, and have children and a home- when would she sleep?
Southern belles, as the author pointed out, easily get the things they want- not by trying to be more of a man then men are, but by capitalizing on their feminity, the one thing that men simply can't battle...
Men are simplistic, linear-thinking creatures, for the most part. We compete with each other on a physical level- which women can't realistically compete on... We compete aggressively, even beating the living hell out of each other, to be at the top of the pecking-order... But when the man comes home at night, a lady, with the right smile and a sweet tone to her voice, asks him to do something...? And he meekly says, "ok, honey..." LOL... All the masculine prowess in the world is pathetic, next to the weapons that a wise woman has at her disposal...
Class, femininity, charm... These things can overpower a man, far more efficiently than anything else.
An old Russian expression, "the man is at the wheel of the ship, the woman holds it in her palm." Something to think about...
After having travelled extensively outside the sphere of "western" influence...? I know that I will never get re-married to a woman from the USA, or probably any other western country... Too crass, too crude. Too arrogant and blatantly selfish...
And, while there are certainly nice, good-hearted women to be found here in the USA...? There are far more women with enough emotional baggage (sufficient to choke American Airlines) than not... I'll go where the odds are a lot better...
Because I can... And I will... Considering that 1/3 of all legal immigration to this country (according to the latest INS reports) are foreign spouses of American citizens, it seems logical that I'm not the only American man who has come to this conclusion...
Good luck, on finding your Mr. Right... ;-))) They're out there... but there aren't that many, by my observations... :-\
Reduced to its lowest common denominator, it's the root of her problem. My life improved dramatically once I realized that a life partner who did not share the same deeply held values and convictions as I did would be nothing more than a millstone around my neck. If you live your life with a purpose, if you live a self-examined life, if you choose to live a non-contradictory life - then nothing less will do. My wife and I differ in many respects, our interests vary; we are each unique individuals. We do not differ at all in terms of our purpose in life. More to the point, my wife is someone with whom I can trust my life. I could toss her a rifle and say, "cover my back," - and she would do so without hesitation. Actually, I wouldn't have to toss her a rifle - she's got one of her own. But you get the idea. We've worked together, we've trained together and we trust one another implicitly - especially when it comes to matters of life and death.
For thos who claim that politcs don't matter between partners, I say bullshit. An individual's political views are a direct product of their values. Hell, a person's entire being - from their smallest gesture to their greatest ambitions - is an expression of their values. One would have to be a willfully ignorant fool or one would have to have made peace with fact that they are living a life of shrieking fraud to believe otherwise. Why on this Earth would somone want to live with one whose values were contradictory?
The kind of outlook my wife and I share is unthinkable to the type of professional woman of whom the article speaks. God forbid that this sort of woman would ever have to deal with anything as serious as life and death. At the rate things are going, though, she will not have a choice.
Ouch!
Let me just give the female side of this. It truly does suck to be single. And when you're in that 30-34 age range, it gets even worse. All your friends are married, having kids, and experiencing parts of life that you have no clue about. Sure, they envy you for being single, being independent, being free. But when it all comes down to it, who goes home to an empty bed?
I don't necessarily agree with the author on her choice of an example single woman. I can only tell you what I know. What I was taught, what I believe...
I was raised to believe that I could do anything, that I could be anything I wanted. Keep in mind that these words of freedom were given by a mother who survived two abusive marriages and four children- one of which she never knew because she gave it up for adoption. Because compared to her, those very words themselves inspired achievement and the longing for something better.
So now, I'm 33- almost 34. And for all those uplifting words rooted in feminist beliefs, I have become everything that I wanted. But do I want everything that I've become? For in that quest to be anything, I really lost who I was, and what I really wanted.
Sure, I'd scoff and mock those I knew back in my 20s who were getting married, having kids, living the life of suburbia- because I was free. I could do anything I wanted. I could pick up and go away for the weekend at a moments notice. And those pathetic conformer friends of mine had to sit back and watch the kids.
But now, who's laughing?
It isn't so much that I feel I've missed out on a lot for my own ambition. I already know that to be true. And yeah, I even fell into the popular feminist rant that 'oh guys today are scared off by successful, assertive women'. But probably the most startling casualty of exalted single life is how I define love.
You see, I still get a pang of disbelief when friends tell me the reasons why they got married, or describe the kind of love they have for their husbands. It's as though loving half or three quarters of complete and full love is enough. Heck, it sure is better than nothing.
But is it really? If I had a dime for every time one of my girlfriends said if they had to do it over, they’d do it entirely different, yada yada yada, I wouldn’t need a man because I’d be rich enough to buy one.
I've always felt that love and being in love is giving all of yourself and still retaining a sense of who you are. Love is all-consuming and something done with the entire body, mind, heart and soul- not something done half-ass, part of some desperate attempt to attach to something, anything, as long as it means not being alone, or even doing what is expected of you like the preverbal 'logical next step'. It becomes a struggle between compromising my beliefs on what I think love is and should be, or living alone in a small farm house as an old maid with 24 cats and a purse that smells like Juicy Fruit.
So, gentleman, is it better to love a little, with only a small flame than to not experience the fire at all?
This is my struggle, as a single 30 something gal.
1. Your rights are delineated in the Constitution. Everything else is a privilege.
This is just WRONG, my man! :P