USO Canteen FReeper Style ~ Military Humor Day ~ January 16 2003

68-69TonkinGulfYatchClub and FRiends of the Canteen

[68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub]

US Army Voice Mail Message

Thank you for calling the United States Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a detailed message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you.

As soon as we have sorted out Centeral Asia, the Balkans, Iraq, Korea, Communist China, and compulsory "Consideration Of Others" training, we will return your call. Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:

If your crisis is small, and close to the sea, press 1 for the United States Marine Corps.

If your concern is distant, with a temperate climate and good hotels, and can be solved by one or two low risk, high altitude bombing runs, please press 2 for the United States Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1630 hours, on weekends, or in bad weather.

Special consideration will be given to customers requiring satellite or stealth technology who can provide additional research and development funding.

If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting, flags and a really good marching band, please press 3 and speak slowly to the United States Navy. Please note that Tomahawk missile service is extremely limited and will be provided on a first-come, first-served basis.

If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 4 for the Rapid Deployment Force and wait two weeks for delivery.

If you are in real hot trouble, please press 5, and your call will be routed to the United States Army Special Operations Command for an additional fee of $10. Please note that a compulsory credit check will be required to ensure you can afford the inherent TDY costs. Also be aware that USASOC may bill your account at any time and is not required to tell you why, as it will be classified.

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, are prepared to work your butt off daily, risking your life, in all weather and terrain, both day and night, and while watching Congress erode your original benefits package, then please stay on the line, Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Army Recruiter in an old strip mall down by the Post Office.

Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the
United States Army.

The New Call for Fire Procedure for the Army of One

Picture troops under fire, desperately needing artillery support, making a cellphone call and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling the 25th Infantry Division's automated artillery support request line. Please be assured that we will attempt to assist you with all available resources in the shortest time possible.

For air support, please call the U.S. Air Force at 1-800-BOMBNOW.
For naval gun fire, please call 1-888-SEASICK.
If you are attacking a fixed enemy position, please press 1.
If you are engaged in mobile defense, please press 2.
If you are defending a fixed position, please press 3.
If you are setting up a hasty defense or are about to be overrun, please press 4.
If you wish to cancel a prior fire mission request, please press 5. Press the star key at any time to return to the main menu.
If you are using a TA-312, remain on the line and one of our customer support counselors will be with you shortly.

Please select the type of fire mission you would like.
If you would like 81 mm or 4.2 inch mortars, please press 1.
If you would like 155 mm howitzers, please press 2.
If you would like advanced munitions, such as fuel-oil explosives or scattering mines, please press 3 to speak with one of our soldier advocates to complete our brief Advanced Firepower Usage Survey.
If you would like to request chemical or nuclear weapons, please press 4 and hold the line. The Secretary of Defense will speak with you as soon as possible.

Enter the map coordinates of the target you would like to strike, followed by the pound sign.
If you need to enter map grid designations, please use the star for a "q" and the pound sign for an "i."

Please remember to verify your coordinates and that your request may take several minute to process.

[Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep]
You have entered co-ordinates 32364519.
If this is correct, please press 1.
If this is incorrect, please press 2 and re-enter the coordinates. Thank you.

Please enter your battalion, company and platoon passcodes, each followed by the pound sign. As soon as we verify your passcodes, we will begin processing your request.
If you have forgotten your passcode, please contact 1-800-IFORGOT for a temporary passcode.

Please enter your passcode now.
[Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-#, beep-beep-beep-beep-#, beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-#]

Thank you. [Pause] Your passcodes have been verified and your request will be processed.

We strongly suggest that you and your comrades take cover as soon as possible.

Thank you for using the 25th Infantry Division's artillery request support line and have a nice day.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Good morning Troops, families, veterans, Canadian and Israeli allies (and everybody else). Thank you for taking such good care of the USA.

Today in Anchorage, Alaska:

Sunrise 9:54am
Sunset 4:25pm

Hi 27F
Lo 20F

Partly sunny

Actual yesterday in Anchorage:

Hi 20F
Lo 11F

State Hi 48F Annette
State Lo -23F Bettles

[firewalk]

Good morning bentfeather (-:

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- An F/A-18A “Hornet” assigned to the “Hunters" of Strike Fighter Squadron Two Zero One (VFA-201) is prepared for launch on one of four steam driven catapults on the ship’s flight deck as the guided missile frigate USS Carr (FFG 52) comes the ship’s port side. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- An EA-6B “Prowler” assigned to the “Shadowhawks” of Tactical Electronic Warfare Squadron One Four One (VAQ-141) is prepared for launch on one of four steam driven catapults on the ship’s flight deck as the guided missile frigate USS Carr (FFG 52) comes the ship’s port side. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- Aviation Boatswain’s Mate 3rd Class William Ramos from Brooklyn, N.Y., gives the "ready" signal while preparing an F-14 “Tomcat” from the “Blacklions” of Fighter Squadron Two One Three (VF-213) for a catapult launch. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[fatima]

Good morning everyone.

[EternalVigilance]

Fifty-eight Thousand, One Hundred and Seventy-eight

Just a short walk
Up from the banks of the Potomac
Is a Wall
Invisible from the street
Sunken
Only found by those who seek it out

Names inscribed in granite
Signifying so much more
Guarded by bronze sentinels
Armed with memories
Of blood and fire

As this week in history ends
Those who despise America gather
Near that hallowed ground
To spew their hate
And publicize their ignorance

May tens of thousands
Of America's hero's ghosts
Haunt them
As Anarchy attempts
To open Tyranny's door

EV

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- Aviation Ordnancemen assigned to the "War Party" of Strike Fighter Squadron Eight Seven (VFA-87), stand in front of the ship’s island with 1000 pound MK-83 bombs ready for F/A-18 “Hornet” strike fighter aircraft located on the ship’s flight deck. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[SevenofNine]

Good morning Canteen members

Well Rummy according to Wash Times is denying the report that Tom Dashule charge that Pentagon is denying report from Iraq to Arm commitee back in District

Speaking of Wash Times report off Bill Gertz column this morning is reporting that US is not concern about North Korea

OHHH Dubya you got be concern dude

BE CONCERNNNNN DUDE

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- An F/A-18 “Hornet” assigned to the “Hunters" of Strike Fighter Squadron Two Zero One (VFA-201) makes its final approach during an arrested landing on the ship’s flight deck. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[tomkow6]

Atlantic Ocean (Jan. 14, 2003) -- The guided missile frigate USS Carr (FFG 52) underway while conducting training missions with USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) battle group. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 1st Class James Foehl.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Thanks, Meek, for the hot chocolate this morning. Not that cold today, but not very awake.

[tomkow6]

Naval Weapons Station, Yorktown, Va. (Jan. 13, 2003) -- Cmdr. C.J. Newbury, Executive Officer, Naval Cargo Handling Port Group (NAVCHAPGRU), addresses crewmembers of Naval Cargo Handling Battalion Ten (NCHB-10) just prior to deploying to the Persian Gulf region. NCHB-10 was recently activated and integrated with the active duty force at NAVCHAPGRU. NCHB-10 will join other U.S. military forces already deployed in the Central Command area of responsibility. U.S. Navy photo by Chief Photographer’s Mate William T. Wynn.

[Kathy in Alaska]

Hello? Hello? ms feather, is that you? GOOD MORNING!

[Kathy in Alaska]

Good morning, JH2! Thanks for helping honor our military men and women.

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- One of the ship’s “Phalanx” MK-15 Close In Weapons Systems (CIWS) fires a high-speed computer controlled, radar guided, 20 mm Gatling gun during a training exercise. Phalanx is capable of firing 4,500 rounds per minute, and provides ships of the U.S. Navy with a "last-chance" defense against anti-ship missiles and littoral warfare threats that have penetrated other fleet defenses. Phalanx automatically detects, tracks and engages anti-air warfare threats such as anti-ship missiles and aircraft. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Luke Williams.

[tomkow6]

At sea aboard USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71) Jan. 14, 2003 -- One of the ship’s “Sea Sparrow” RIM-7 surface-to-air missiles launches during a training exercise. The Navy uses the Sea Sparrow version aboard ships as a surface-to-air anti-missile defense. The versatile Sparrow has all-weather, all-altitude operational capability and can attack high-performance aircraft and missiles from any direction. Roosevelt is currently underway conducting training missions in the Atlantic Ocean. U.S. Navy photo by Photographer’s Mate 2nd Class Luke Williams.

[JohnHuang2]

G'afternoon backatya, my friend =^)

[blackie]

Humor ... Bump!

Be Well - Be Armed - Be Safe - Molon Labe!