Why Men Won't Commit: Men's Atitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage

National Marriage Project (Rutgers University) ^ | 2002 | Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe

[shrinkermd]

"According to Lasch-Quinn, the 1960s' 'therapeutic sensibility' - with its premium on 'individual identity, emotional expression, and an immediate, superficial sense of wellbeing' - has now become the 'dominant political theme of the new millennium'."

If the above is true, it goes a long ways in explaining the lengthy discussion held above.

Rutgers does a masterful job on this and other issues. Their statistics and writing are clear and to the point. If you hit the URL above you will find additional data and conclusions about this topic. A job well done!

[SGCOS]

Another reason might be that the two words "I do" is the longest sentence known to man.

[FryingPan101]

This is an incredible piece of work which I intend to share with a number of people. Thanks for the post.

[Blue Screen of Death]

I have no problem with commitment, I think.

[MrNeutron1962]

Sounds like your basic bovine purchase verses free dairy products issue.

AKA: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Not that I'm saying Mrs Neuton is a cow mind you.

[laurav]

I'm a little confused about the fun, exciting bachelor life these researchers refer to. Many of my single male friends find that most evenings they're cozying up to the TV with a can of tuna for dinner and a bottle of Jack Daniels to wash it down.

[N. Theknow]

As for myself I married Miss Right.

Now 28 years later I find out her first name is Always.

[HumanaeVitae]

Marriage is a 50/50 proposition for a man: 50% chance you lose 50% of your stuff, minus lawyer's fees of course.

[discostu]

It's probably because for the last 30 years the media has been obsessed with characterizing men as "afraid of commitment" and have convinced us that's how it's supposed to be, it's become part of our gender role.

[anniegetyourgun]

Yep. Men can achieve their primary objective without marriage. How stupid can women be?

[John Lenin]

Many of my single male friends find that most evenings they're cozying up to the TV with a can of tuna for dinner and a bottle of Jack Daniels to wash it down.

You don't know the females I know ! Who needs to put thier lifes savings at risk, marriage is a stacked deck against males, especially when kids are involved.

[conservatism_IS_compassion]

This whole topic must be considered in the light of increased health and life expectancy. Isn't a 25-year-old woman now as healthy and having as long an expected remaining lifetime as an 18-year-old did in 1950?

And of course the problem of divorce and children comes into play. People get attached to dogs, never mind children--and if the other person can call things off and take the children--and even move out of state . . .

Throw in child support to boot, and becoming a father is trusting your wife. A lot. So should I be eager to see my son get married? I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

[Enemy Of The State]

Ill tell you why men dont want to commit.

Because we dont want to give away half of our stuff when the relationship goes sour. :-)

[Enemy Of The State]

agreed!

Joke:

Marriage is like a tornado...In the begining there is a lot of sucking and blowing but in the end someone always loses their house.

[HEY4QDEMS]

Q.: Why do men die before their wives?

A.: Because they want to!

[longtermmemmory]

lets translate some some terms:

1. They can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past "Modern women are easy."


2. They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. "My live in girlfriend will do the laundry and clean the apartment."


3. They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks "Modern women don't respect marriage why should I?"


4. They want to wait until they are older to have children
"Children are expensive."

5. They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises "Modern women are nags who will nit pick my life and desires but insiste I be supportive of their mood swings."


6. They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t yet appeared
"So many women to test drive."

7. They face few social pressures to marry
"Sex, is available. My live in does the cleaning"

8. They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children "Men want to raise their own children, not her and some other idiots mistakes."


9. They want to own a house before they get a wife
"Have a house before marriage as protection in case of divorce. My house my rules"

10. They want to enjoy single life as long as they can
"Enjoy single life as long as you want. There is noooo rush it ends when you feeeeel like it."

Bottom line:
Men reap benefits of not committing from women's movement. Modern women repel men from commitment. Takes two to tango even if it is for one dance.

[longtermmemmory]

I am curious to see what the end result is going to be with these career women who realize they can't have kids so late in life. (I am referencing the article that came out a while ago that recomended giving birth before 30)

In all of this, I see a definite lack of trust on both sides. A lack with good reason.

[Jumpmaster]

I am a 53 year old professional, divorced since 1981, no dependents. Near as I can tell, modern woman's idea of Mr. Right is unemployed, alcoholic, addicted to cocaine, out on parole, married to someone else, that beats them up.

[Nonstatist]

..men’s reluctance to marry makes it harder for peer women who are in their prime marrying years to achieve their desired life goal. As one man put it, "That’s their issue."

Well, at least the women have their career. Or maybe they could just suck it up and do the family thing by themselves... You reap what you sow, don't you know...