Why Men Won't Commit: Men's Atitudes About Sex, Dating and Marriage

National Marriage Project (Rutgers University) ^ | 2002 | Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe

[longtermmemmory]

I know from experience that women get angry when you tell them you are not interested in any committed relationship which involves prior children. I am thinking of a specific incident where it was a casual introduction with a group of freinds. As we talked and I found she had a child from a previous relationship, I was trying to not appear too interested. Since it was a group of friends, we ate chatted about life. In the end as we were all parting company and the young lady left, the girlfriend of the my friend who arranged the introduction ask how I liked her. When I told her, I was not interested because she had a kid, she said I was being selfish. No I just did not want someone else's mistake even if it meant not pursuing what seemed like an otherwise nice woman. She was polite but obviously upset at my opinion. My long time freind knew my opinion but his girlfreind assumed the nice lady's personality would have won me over. In the end, I did not see my freind again until he broke up with his girlfriend.
Being a single mom means you are a mother first and a girlfriend 112th on the priority scale. Not with my life not with my money. I will make my own "mistakes" before I take care of someone elses.

[RLK]

Most, however, are merely trying to deal with life as best they can, and to reconcile themselves to the fact that women are not interested in making the relationship work -especially when all the advice groups and women's forums continually insist that "If he starts becoming angry, just LEAVE". Most miss their partners immensely, and wish there was some way to reconcile.

-----------------------------------------

Why would any man miss somebody like this? This suggests these men have reied to talk themselves into a poor bargain because women of any caliber and decencency are not in sufficience abundance.

[RLK]

She has three children, who are really great, and wanted (well, still wants) more from Me than I was willing to give -namely a relationship. I can't help it, I like children -mostly-, and hers are great. I simply am not interested in a relationship with her for obvious reasons. She always mentioned family outings, including nieces and nephews, and picnics and whatnots in order to try to get Me to spend more time with them (her).

-----------

The reasons are not obvious. At some time in your young life you are going to need to defecate or get off the pot.

[cavtrooper21]

Oh YES we are... We just hide it real good...

[wideawake]

Thanks, Ivan.

Lot of very bitter people here.

Wow. My wife and I dated for three years and we never lived together before we married. We've been married for three and a half years now, and we're still as crazy about each other as when we first met.

She's the kind of person who always goes out of the way to do small things to make me happy - and I've picked up the habit of doing that for her. We share everything, good times and chores included. We can discuss anything, and I don't think we've ever had a disagreement that lasted longer than an half-hour.

When I compare my experience to that of a lot of guys here, I begin to realize that I'm extremely fortunate.

[Lilly]

I enjoyed this article, but it was a bit fluffy. I mean, I'm no man-hater, but honestly, what woman in their right mind would put up with a man?

Men bring so much hurt and misery into womens lives. Whether it be physical abuse, rape, emotional abuse, adultery, (though that could go both ways), child abuse, pedophilia, dead-beat-dad-syndrome, (not paying child support), morally bankrupt, intellectually void (cave-man-mentality)...the list goes on and on...

And believe me, I still have male friends which I respect and care deeply for, but as far as letting one into my life, into my home, and into my son's life...no way! Not in a million years!

[cavtrooper21]

I'm right there with you. My lady is the greatist thing that has happened/is happening/will happen to me. We have 5 years together and they have not been easy, but well worth the effort. Some folks think that a marrige is like ordering something from Yahoo, almost instant gratification.
Folks, the work ethic applys to marrige also, and will get you more in the end than slaving away for the man....

[jrp]

yep, you are not alone.
39 and never married.
Rather that than married to the wrong person or divorced.

[Skywalk]

That's an unfortunate attitude. I know more than a couple young men, that if they feel they should commit to you, would be faithful, loving and STRONG mates of superior character.

I am among them :)

[angcat]

I would have never lived with a man without marriage that would be the day i would clean the piss off of the bowl and do it for a man i was not married to, if i did not meet my husband i would be single and living alone.

[briant]

You want her to earn a paycheck for the cake, bake the cake, and feed it to you.

And your point is ;)

[anncoulteriscool]

Thanks for the post....its and interesting read.

[Tribune7]

A can of tuna? What kind of men are they!!!!

[briant]

enjoyed this article, but it was a bit fluffy. I mean, I'm no man-hater, but honestly, what woman in their right mind would put up with a man? Men bring so much hurt and misery into womens lives. Whether it be physical abuse, rape, emotional abuse, adultery, (though that could go both ways), child abuse, pedophilia, dead-beat-dad-syndrome, (not paying child support), morally bankrupt, intellectually void (cave-man-mentality)...the list goes on and on...

If she is right and I'm competing with Ted Kennedy wanna-bes, no worries! (Tongue firmly in cheek) LOL.

[anncoulteriscool]

*****Ill tell you why men dont want to commit. Because we dont want to give away half of our stuff when the relationship goes sour. *****

I once had a friend who said: "if it doesn't work out she'll take half your money, if it does work out she'll take all you money". LOL

[briant]

Btw, it's from post #66.

[dalereed]

Things sure have changed!

Of all the people that I grew up with I only know of 2 that have gotten divorced.

Personally, i've been happilly married for 44 years.