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To: Utilizer
I know from experience that women get angry when you tell them you are not interested in any committed relationship which involves prior children. I am thinking of a specific incident where it was a casual introduction with a group of freinds. As we talked and I found she had a child from a previous relationship, I was trying to not appear too interested. Since it was a group of friends, we ate chatted about life. In the end as we were all parting company and the young lady left, the girlfriend of the my friend who arranged the introduction ask how I liked her. When I told her, I was not interested because she had a kid, she said I was being selfish. No I just did not want someone else's mistake even if it meant not pursuing what seemed like an otherwise nice woman. She was polite but obviously upset at my opinion. My long time freind knew my opinion but his girlfreind assumed the nice lady's personality would have won me over. In the end, I did not see my freind again until he broke up with his girlfriend.
Being a single mom means you are a mother first and a girlfriend 112th on the priority scale. Not with my life not with my money. I will make my own "mistakes" before I take care of someone elses.

61 posted on 10/22/2002 4:03:09 PM PDT by longtermmemmory
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To: longtermmemmory
Having dated several women with children from prior relationships,I'd also like to point out the one trait they had in common that I found somewhat annoying-

They get in the habit of telling their kids what to do,and they go right on giving orders when you're out on the town with them.

Yes,it's understandable,and a small dose of it is sort of endearing,but a whole evening of it is a bit much.

83 posted on 10/22/2002 7:29:44 PM PDT by sawsalimb
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To: longtermmemmory
"When I told her, I was not interested because she had a kid, she said I was being selfish. No I just did not want someone else's mistake even if it meant not pursuing what seemed like an otherwise nice woman."

"Being a single mom means you are a mother first and a girlfriend 112th on the priority scale. Not with my life not with my money. I will make my own "mistakes" before I take care of someone elses."

Agreed.

I do wish to become involved with someone, but am not enthusiastic if they already have a child. This is not to say that it will always be that way, as I believe that it is a possibility with the right individual. It is simply that with a child already included as part of the package, the difficulties of making the relationship work are increased tremendously. Too, if it does not work out, and you have become involved with the child, what rights do you have to continue to see him/her? My experience is: none whatsoever. It seems to Me that the woman is holding all the cards in that area, and the heartache involved in the breakup of the relationship is all the more difficult because you have absolutely NO rights as far as the child is concerned. Is it any wonder we males are so reluctant?

135 posted on 10/23/2002 1:13:00 PM PDT by Utilizer
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To: longtermmemmory
And the reverse should be true too. Isn't it fascinating how single mothers (I am one,have been one for 11.5 years) are branded as raising someone else's mistakes. Yet the man whose mistake(s) she is raising can go out and find a new woman and not be branded in any fashion?
216 posted on 10/24/2002 8:18:57 PM PDT by ican'tbelieveit
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To: longtermmemmory
When I told her, I was not interested because she had a kid, she said I was being selfish. No I just did not want someone else's mistake even if it meant not pursuing what seemed like an otherwise nice woman. She was polite but obviously upset at my opinion. My long time freind knew my opinion but his girlfreind assumed the nice lady's personality would have won me over.

Isn't it interesting that you were negatively catagorized when you wouldn't follow the girlfriend's program? She could have learned much if she had observed the dynamic instead of attempting to manipulate it.

266 posted on 10/27/2002 8:51:06 PM PST by Woahhs
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