[rudy45]

She does welcome the attention, and is returning it (unfortunately). I realize that young people can change, but right now the boy is none too impressive. His e-mail and IM comments consistently talk about how this s--ks and that s---ks. We believe his attitude is being adopted by our daughter.

[DBtoo]

To be blunt at that age they are still too shy and immature to kiss or anything. They just get their little crushes and write notes to one another and that sort of thing. Then 3 weeks later it's over.

I had a big crush on a guy when I was 13; it consisted of admiring him from a distance and thinking about him a lot. If he would have approached me and tried to kiss me or something, I would have probably screamed with terror and hated him forever after. 13 year old girls are like that.

[littleleaguemom]

Hmmm...when my very handsome son (now 14 and still too busy for girls) was 12 he received a lot of inappropriate calls and emails from sixth grade sexpots (NOT in our church). Dirty jokes, suggestive stuff, whining about their "terrible" lives (in mansions), etc. He knew I read all his email and told his little classmates, "Stop sending this stuff, my parents read it, you idiots." That seemed to do the trick.

[Humidston]

Congratulations! You have now entered the TWILIGHT zone of pre-teens, LOL!

I've taken the liberty of pinging the "Mean Mommies List" for more advice, but I'd just like to say a few things (as an old pro..)

Limit the IM time on computer. Just so she doesn't realize you're doing it tho.. Interrupt her when she's on computer, etc. (You'll have to be sly to accomplish this without her knowing why.)

DON'T ban the boy unless you can see he's causing a negative effect on your daughter. I've found teens start mirroring behavior of their friends so guard who she's around carefully!

Invite him around the family. Size him up. Do something your daughter (and the family) really enjoy so she'll notice if he's bored or doesn't fit in. She'll really be grossed out if he "disses" what she loves to do.

Watch her like a hawk! And pray a lot too! Good luck and lots of prayers coming your way. Just remember, it's going to be this way for the next few years!

[notpoliticallycorewrecked]

Since you attend a church I recommend the book "I Kissed Dating Goodby". It is written by a youth pastor. There is a sequel to the book that is suppose to be even better than the first. It is available through almost every Christian book store.

Get this book, you and your wife read it first. If you agree with it's philosphy, you will have a game plan to work from. Then have your daughter read it. Finally sit her down and talk about the book. The almost same exact thing is going on in my household right now except that the party involved in my son and he is 17. The girl (16) also goes to our church, but doesn't have a great family structure, so we are having keep this fire under control from only our side of the fire with only two hoses.

We insisted that he read the book and then I requested that he would give her the book to read. I just got it back yesterday from my son. I was informed that he had finished it and that she had read it also (I did not know this). This has opened up the communication not only between son and parents it has also opened up the communication between them as to what is acceptable by our standards. I will be purchasing the sequel tomorrow for them to start on.

I understand that our situation is a little different, I am dealing with older H.S. students but still once you lay the ground work, then all you have to do is enforce the rules(the hard part). I fortunately had my son reading the book before he met her so I was able to state that our position was already in place before he even really met her.

[Robert_Paulson2]

His e-mail and IM comments consistently talk about how this s--ks and that s---ks.

sounds like some freepers I know...

[itzmygun]

If your daughter is infatuated with the wrong things, the problem is with her, and separating her from the boy will not end it. It's not her fault, though, it's part of being a teenager in this era. From the beginning of time, children were considered adults at or about this age. When food was a little harder to come by, children had to learn responsibility at an early age. As soon as they were able, they helped their family in whatever way they could. Responsibility was placed on them - if you don't work, if you don't contribute, our family will suffer. By the time they were 13 or 14, they were more mature than most 20-year-olds today. This is the way God made the world.
But in the last century or so, things have been very different. The increased weath and technology has allowed us to pamper our children into their late teens. There is this belief that children should have a carefree life. "Let them be kids while they have a chance," sounds great, but nothing is learned without having to face some adversity.

So here is what we have: When children are 13 or 14, their bodies begin to tell them they are adults, yet we have not prepared them to become adults. Can you begin now? Not likely. Once this change takes place, it can't be undone.

What is the best thing to do? The same thing you should do when anything is out of your control. Trust in God. Trust him to protect her. Trust him to lead her down the right path. You can control her actions, but you cannot change what's in her heart. God can. I'm not saying to give her complete freedom or neglect her welfare, but you don't want to clamp down on her. For one thing, the boy has more power over her than you do at the moment. For another, you would be, in a sense, proclaiming that you could take care of the situation better than God could. And He has a way of making things rough for those who trust themselves before they trust Him (I'm sure you have read the story of Jonah).

Pray. Trust in God, and, with faith, ask him to protect her and guide her. What better hands could you place her in? Be patient. God says he is longsuffering and we should be too.

I am proof of this. I was raised in a very strict, Christian home. During my teens, I became very rebellious. I was willing to try or do anything as long as it was anti-authority. This attitude lasted into my mid to late 20s. But eventually, I realized that my parents had raised me right. I realized that the values they had tried to give me were the values that would profit me most. Now that I look back, I realize that God never left me during all those nasty years. Why? Not because of anything I did, that's for sure. I would say it's because he received some very sincere prayers from my Mother and Father.

As for the boy, at least he is in church and apparently in a Christian home. Believe me, you could do a lot worse. Don't let him be an outsider driving a wedge between you and your daughter. Make him a part of your family, even if it will only be temporary. Find out what makes him tick. He may only be talking that way to try to impress your daughter, and from what you have said, it seems to be working. He may not be a bad kid underneath. Or, like some have said, she may become sick of him very quickly.

[ninenot]

this s--ks and that s---ks.

In my experience this term is used almost exclusively with the meaning that "this is awful." I would be VERY surprised if they thought of the Clintonian meaning, or even KNEW about it....

[mn12]

His e-mail and IM comments consistently talk about how this s--ks and that s---ks. We believe his attitude is being adopted by our daughter.

And you're saying he is a bad influence because of...that? The worst he's done that you know of is to say something sucks? Compared to most of my peers I remember from when I was 13, that's nothing!