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HUMOR BREAK - Cows and Politics..........
David C. Osborne (Private E-mail) ^ | UNKNOWN | UNKNOWN

Posted on 01/30/2002 3:20:21 AM PST by davidosborne

I know this is an old one.. but one of my soldiers e-mailed it to me, and it made me chuckle, so I am passing it on..



Cows & Politics Explained

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: cows; davidcosborne; moohammed; spartansixdelta; youvegotmail
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We all need a humor break every now and then..

God Bless America !!

David

1 posted on 01/30/2002 3:20:22 AM PST by davidosborne (public@davidosborne.net)
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To: Jim Robinson; archy; 4TheFlag; Aeronaut; summer; Ragtime Cowgirl; Saundra Duffy; Flyer...
Bumps and pings for HUMOR ...

Please FReepmail me if you want ON or OFF my ping list..

David

2 posted on 01/30/2002 3:21:57 AM PST by davidosborne
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To: davidosborne
What about PETA people?
3 posted on 01/30/2002 3:33:16 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: davidosborne
Humor is always needed...
4 posted on 01/30/2002 3:37:02 AM PST by wwjdn
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To: davidosborne
May I play?

A CALIFORNIA FARMER: You have two cows. Animal rights maniacs burn down your barn. PETA sues you for cruelty. The Sierra Club sues you for water pollution from the storm run-off from your farm.

5 posted on 01/30/2002 3:39:06 AM PST by jimtorr
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
PETA people and PETA cows fall under the Indian Corporation catagory.
6 posted on 01/30/2002 3:42:47 AM PST by CWRWinger
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
PETA: You file suit in federal court accusing yourself of factory farming and speciesism. You let the coes sleep in your bed, leaving no room for yourself, although you wouldn't mind sleeping with the cows. You make money from a contract with Ben & Jerry's until the cows decide to quit giving milk, go on moo-fare, and spend all day watching Springer. Then the cows starve to death, and you blame the Republican administration.
7 posted on 01/30/2002 3:47:49 AM PST by Still Thinking
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To: Still Thinking
LOL Hey don't give them any ideas!
8 posted on 01/30/2002 3:49:49 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: davidosborne
A minor correction:

ISRAELI CORPORATION: You have two cows. Palestinian terrorists try to steal the cows and fail, getting badly gored in the process. They then claim that the cows were the aggressors.

9 posted on 01/30/2002 3:52:40 AM PST by Slings and Arrows
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To: davidosborne
You got the American Democrat all wrong. Try this:
I have two cows. I impose huge taxes on all working people, so they can't afford to buy cows. I use the tax money to give free cows to non-workers, who then vote for my re-election.
Regards
10 posted on 01/30/2002 4:02:08 AM PST by bobsatwork
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To: bobsatwork
Anti Republican... very funny
11 posted on 01/30/2002 4:23:33 AM PST by Khepera
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To: davidosborne
FREEPER Farmer: I døn't øwn nø cøws, but I dø have twø Møøses ... er, Meese ... er, Møøsad ...

And øne øf them bit my sister and ate all øf her cheese.

12 posted on 01/30/2002 4:26:44 AM PST by BlueLancer
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
ROSIE O'DONUT: "I'm not a real cow; but I do play one on TV."
13 posted on 01/30/2002 4:42:29 AM PST by Still Thinking
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To: Still Thinking
HAR!! Thanks for the laugh!
14 posted on 01/30/2002 4:43:01 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: bobsatwork
"You got the American Democrat all wrong. Try this: I have two cows. I impose huge taxes on all working people, so they can't afford to buy cows. I use the tax money to give free cows to non-workers, who then vote for my re-election."

Very good! Each day is getting closer to that being the actual truth.

.

15 posted on 01/30/2002 4:51:23 AM PST by Inge_CAV
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To: davidosborne
Bump for the humor

Reminded me that I ran out of bag balm a few days ago.

16 posted on 01/30/2002 5:09:16 AM PST by ElectricStrawberry
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To: Inge_CAV
TYPICAL SHEEPLE: "I'm dumber than a cow, and always vote Democrat, so I can be trated like the livestock I am."
17 posted on 01/30/2002 5:15:21 AM PST by Still Thinking
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To: Still Thinking
Dims like to be fleeced and think we should too. The Heck with im.
18 posted on 01/30/2002 5:31:48 AM PST by Inge_CAV
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To: davidosborne
BTTT!!!!!!
19 posted on 01/30/2002 5:32:55 AM PST by E.G.C.
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To: davidosborne
AN AMERICAN GUN OWNER: You have two cows. They will get your cows when they pry them from your cold, dead hands.
20 posted on 01/30/2002 6:06:34 AM PST by Flyer
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