Why God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat

Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts To Explain The Entire U. S. Government | 1991 | P. J. O'Rourke

[EveningStar]

I have only one firm belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

God is an elderly or, at any rate, middle aged male, a stern fellow, patriarchal rather than paternal and a great believer in rules and regulations. He holds men accountable for their actions. He has little apparent concern for the material well being of the disadvantaged. He is politically connected, socially powerful and holds the mortgage on literally everything in the world. God is difficult. God is unsentimental. It is very hard to get into God's heavenly country club.

Santa Claus is another matter. He's cute. He's nonthreatening. He's always cheerful. And he loves animals. He may know who's been naughty and who's been nice, but he never does anything about it. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo. He works hard for charities, and he's famously generous to the poor. Santa Claus is preferable to God in every way but one: There is no such thing as Santa Claus.

[EveningStar]

P. J. O'Rourke
Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts To Explain The Entire U. S. Government
Atlantic Monthly Press, 1991

[Kay Soze]

The quid pro quo is the vote of the recipient of the “gifts” that were taken from under my tree.

[DeaconBenjamin]

Your God is too small.

[Deadeye Division]

pjorourke.com

[mitchbert]

The W.F. Buckley for those of us who loved Lampoon in the 70's and then grew up an got jobs and voted for Mulroney/Reagan/Thatcher.

P.J. is a national treasure.

Please don't drive fast on drugs while not spilling your drink. If you haven't read the following you've never seen the whole P.J.

P.J.'s Geatest

[HighWheeler]

Santa A Democrat huh?

Santa works one day a year.

Santa confines small unpaid Polar American servants to do his biding and tells them he is helping them.

Santa takes advantage of a rare species of draft animal to pull his load and allow those animals free reign on your property.

Santa wants small children to sit on his lap.

Santa makes promises to children he knows have little chance of being kept.

Santa sneaks into peoples houses and slinks into the children's rooms.

Santa claims that all the gifts under the tree each year are from him.

Maybe he is a Democrat.

[billorites]

ON THE RISE OF WOMEN: "Women are successful in the business world because the business world was created by men. Men are babies. And women are…Good With Kids."

[EveningStar]

Thanks! :)

[alloysteel]

Never trust a man who plays with elves.

[arielb]

I'm tired of paying the milk and cookie tax!

[Eternal_Bear]

I visualize God as a gigantic muscular man with the head of an Eagle. Now there's a God you have to respect. :^)

[martian_22]

Who are these enslaved elves that are said to procure and build everything Santa gives away?

Is it all really free?

[ladyinred]

. He gives everyone everything they want without the thought of quid pro quo.

At least we know now that Bill Clinton ain't Santa Claus!

[PetroniDE]

Serve him beer this year. Guaranteed that you get what you want.

[EveningStar]

Another O'Rourke gem from National Lampoon is his FOREIGNERS AROUND THE WORLD. WARNING! This material is R-Rated and will be considered racist by those who fail to realize that it is satire.

Africans

Arabs

Australians

Canadians

Chinese

English

French

Germans

Greeks

Indians

Irish

Israelis

Italians

Japanese

Mexicans

Poles

Russians

Scots

Spanish

Swedish

Swiss

[eternity]

LOL

[Ragtime Cowgirl]

PJ bump! Santa used to be a tough guy. Kids around the world really did try to behave near Christmas so they'd get a present and not the dreaded lump of coal.

I mentioned coal at the drug store the other day, said my brother deserved a lump, and the 20ish cashier had never heard of Santa giving coal for the "naughty" kids on his list.

My brother sent me a Christmas card that sums up my thoughts re. Santa: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe in Santa, and Communists! (^:

[exmoor]

Why God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat..could you translate this into chingbolo, please

[supercat]

From an old /usr/games/fortune/fortunes.dat file [posting from memory]: Santa wears a read suit. Must be a communist. And that beard--must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe he's smoking?