26 Things the Movies have taught us

a friend | 9-29-2001

[Cagey]

If you've seen this before, don't tell me you did because I don't care. And yea, I did a search. Now, laugh a little and add your own.

[LibKill]

A single hand grenade will level a two story house.

On the other hand, an 82mm mortar shell will not harm you unless it directly impacts your head. You can run through a rice paddy with these things going off 2-3 feet away and not get a scratch.

[struwwelpeter]

After years of traveling about Russia, Belarus, and the Ukraine, I've yet to see a man kiss another man on the cheek, or toss a glass into the fireplace. Or a fireplace for that matter.

Also... where are all the ugly women from the Wendy's ads hiding out? Only foxes here ;-)

[Riley]

A single hand grenade will level a two story house.

Corollary to that: they also all contain a 55 gallon drum's worth of gasoline. All artillery shells also contain enormous amounts of gasoline. It is easily possible to outrun shrapnel- just sprint for a few more seconds and do a flying dive to the ground.

If you are the hero, snatch an MP5 off a dead enemy, but leave all the magazines, you won't need them to engage in a sustained firefight.

[Junior]

Body armor is completely useless unless you are the good guy, and even then you'll never get hit in any vital area.

[struwwelpeter]

But the mechanics are straight out of Hollywood.

[Junior]

All cars explode on impact ...

[justaguy]

Any computer that goes into an endless loop, will eventually explode with approximately the same result as 20 cases of TNT

[TrappedInLiberalHell]

-- When breaking into song, a full orchestra will accompany you (but be completely invisible)
-- Movie people have an ESP-like ability to almost never speak when someone else is speaking. They all seem to take their turns. Kind of the way fish in schools never seem to bump into each other.
-- Bad guys, without exception, have a pathological need to reveal any evil plan(s) they may have, just before they are about to kill the one guy (or girl) that has any chance in hell of stopping said plan(s).
-- Cameramen have a sixth sense about explosions. They never seem to get caught inside the blast radius, but instead are always at a safe distance.
-- Soda cans invariably have their labels clearly visible.

That's all I can think of right now. I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

[DSHambone]

The shoulder holds no vital blood vessels and the critical bones, muscles, and tendons in the area deflect bullets without adverse effect.

[Richard Kimball]

You can fire 6,000 rounds out of an Uzi with a twenty round clip.

[Vigilanteman]

Every man who goes in a woman's apartment ends up either (a)having sex with her or (b)murdering her. Even if it is just to help her carry the groceries. Of course, if he is married to her, this rule will not necessarily apply.

[Valin]

When you are being chased by someone in a car make sure you run in a straight line as everyone knows a car is more maneuverable than a person on foot.

[Cagey]

That's all I can think of right now. I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

Well, in that case I'll have to get some of the Orange Juice you drank earlier. Good post.

[#3Fan]

Car batteries always go dead when the driver is under stress.

All ropes will slide back and forth against an sharp edge and break if a person is using that rope to climb very high off the ground.

All attractive 25 to 35 year old women thrown into some kind of adventure will never be married with children.

[Nea Wood]

When a woman first wakes up in the morning, her hair and makeup are perfect-- even her lipstick.

It is normal for a person, while talking to another person, to suddenly and dramatically turn their back on the other person, while continuing to speak to them.

Do not ever be a lovable, wisecracking best friend of a hero, because if you are, you will soon be killed so that your buddy can avenge your death.

When a couple first wake up in the morning, they immediately want to smooch and make out, and nobody ever has "morning breath."

[Lower55]

Every shot, no matter where it hits, is lethal to the bad guy,.but if the good guy gets shot he will 'make it' or at least be able to recite several more lines. Also when cars skid around corners, the skid marks (not that kind) are always present before the maneuver.

[riley1992]

This has already been posted. Did you even bother to do a keyword search?

[theophilusscribe]

Once in the clutches of the arch nemesis, the hero and the unassuming lady (who just somehow got caught up in the action), are given very chic, perfectly fitting outfits so that they can look smashingly glamorous when they meet their intended demise.