But the mechanics are straight out of Hollywood.
Posted on 09/29/2001 6:47:22 AM PDT by Cagey
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.
On the other hand, an 82mm mortar shell will not harm you unless it directly impacts your head. You can run through a rice paddy with these things going off 2-3 feet away and not get a scratch.
Also... where are all the ugly women from the Wendy's ads hiding out? Only foxes here ;-)
Corollary to that: they also all contain a 55 gallon drum's worth of gasoline. All artillery shells also contain enormous amounts of gasoline. It is easily possible to outrun shrapnel- just sprint for a few more seconds and do a flying dive to the ground.
If you are the hero, snatch an MP5 off a dead enemy, but leave all the magazines, you won't need them to engage in a sustained firefight.
But the mechanics are straight out of Hollywood.
Well, in that case I'll have to get some of the Orange Juice you drank earlier. Good post.
All ropes will slide back and forth against an sharp edge and break if a person is using that rope to climb very high off the ground.
All attractive 25 to 35 year old women thrown into some kind of adventure will never be married with children.
It is normal for a person, while talking to another person, to suddenly and dramatically turn their back on the other person, while continuing to speak to them.
Do not ever be a lovable, wisecracking best friend of a hero, because if you are, you will soon be killed so that your buddy can avenge your death.
When a couple first wake up in the morning, they immediately want to smooch and make out, and nobody ever has "morning breath."
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