[Cagey]

If you've seen this before, don't tell me you did because I don't care. And yea, I did a search. Now, laugh a little and add your own.

[LibKill]

A single hand grenade will level a two story house.

On the other hand, an 82mm mortar shell will not harm you unless it directly impacts your head. You can run through a rice paddy with these things going off 2-3 feet away and not get a scratch.

[struwwelpeter]

After years of traveling about Russia, Belarus, and the Ukraine, I've yet to see a man kiss another man on the cheek, or toss a glass into the fireplace. Or a fireplace for that matter.

Also... where are all the ugly women from the Wendy's ads hiding out? Only foxes here ;-)

[Junior]

Body armor is completely useless unless you are the good guy, and even then you'll never get hit in any vital area.

[Junior]

All cars explode on impact ...

[justaguy]

Any computer that goes into an endless loop, will eventually explode with approximately the same result as 20 cases of TNT

[TrappedInLiberalHell]

-- When breaking into song, a full orchestra will accompany you (but be completely invisible)
-- Movie people have an ESP-like ability to almost never speak when someone else is speaking. They all seem to take their turns. Kind of the way fish in schools never seem to bump into each other.
-- Bad guys, without exception, have a pathological need to reveal any evil plan(s) they may have, just before they are about to kill the one guy (or girl) that has any chance in hell of stopping said plan(s).
-- Cameramen have a sixth sense about explosions. They never seem to get caught inside the blast radius, but instead are always at a safe distance.
-- Soda cans invariably have their labels clearly visible.

That's all I can think of right now. I haven't had my morning coffee yet.

[DSHambone]

The shoulder holds no vital blood vessels and the critical bones, muscles, and tendons in the area deflect bullets without adverse effect.

[Richard Kimball]

You can fire 6,000 rounds out of an Uzi with a twenty round clip.

[Vigilanteman]

Every man who goes in a woman's apartment ends up either (a)having sex with her or (b)murdering her. Even if it is just to help her carry the groceries. Of course, if he is married to her, this rule will not necessarily apply.

[Valin]

When you are being chased by someone in a car make sure you run in a straight line as everyone knows a car is more maneuverable than a person on foot.

[#3Fan]

Car batteries always go dead when the driver is under stress.

All ropes will slide back and forth against an sharp edge and break if a person is using that rope to climb very high off the ground.

All attractive 25 to 35 year old women thrown into some kind of adventure will never be married with children.

[Nea Wood]

When a woman first wakes up in the morning, her hair and makeup are perfect-- even her lipstick.

It is normal for a person, while talking to another person, to suddenly and dramatically turn their back on the other person, while continuing to speak to them.

Do not ever be a lovable, wisecracking best friend of a hero, because if you are, you will soon be killed so that your buddy can avenge your death.

When a couple first wake up in the morning, they immediately want to smooch and make out, and nobody ever has "morning breath."

[Lower55]

Every shot, no matter where it hits, is lethal to the bad guy,.but if the good guy gets shot he will 'make it' or at least be able to recite several more lines. Also when cars skid around corners, the skid marks (not that kind) are always present before the maneuver.

[riley1992]

This has already been posted. Did you even bother to do a keyword search?

[theophilusscribe]

Once in the clutches of the arch nemesis, the hero and the unassuming lady (who just somehow got caught up in the action), are given very chic, perfectly fitting outfits so that they can look smashingly glamorous when they meet their intended demise.

[aomagrat]

Locks repel keys when you are in a hurry.

Handguns have high explosive rounds, causing cars hit by bullets to explode.

"Evil looking" handguns are louder than ordinary handguns.

Silencers work on revolvers.

[CIB-173RDABN]

Sound travels faster in the movies

Explosions a mile away can be heard the same instant you see it (and just as loud as if you were next to it)

[theophilusscribe]

The villain could have been reformed if only he had gotten counseling as a child.

[handk]

Medical examiners and coroners are required to have a sloppy meatball sub in one hand (or other messy food) if they are removing a skull cap or cracking open a chest with their other hand.

Audiences can be fooled that a totally hot babe is actually homely merely by pulling the woman's hair back and slapping on some ugly glasses.

All problems on the Starship Enterprise can be solved simply by "recalibrating" something. Also, on Star Trek, major scientific advances (by their standards) are accomplished merely by considering the problem/solution quagmire for a few minutes or so.

All alien races on Star Trek are perfectly identical to human beings in every respect, except their foreheads are f**ked up somehow.

The "new guy" in high school always falls, immediately ("unintentionally" of course), for the girlfriend of the campus bully, town bully, psycho wack job, etc. Also, the bully's dad is always the town sheriff, who is corrupt.

If the setting is not a high school, same principle applies. See "Roadhouse" where Patrick Swayze falls for the one girl in town that the evil rich guy (Ben Gazzara) has the hots for.

Nobody in a television show ever watches TV, even though America is a nation of couch potatoes.

Evil rich guys, mobsters, etc. never transfer the fork from their left hand to their right hand after cutting a piece of steak or food, even though they're playing an American character.

Since the law was passed in 1985 in Hollywood, all police captains, chiefs, etc. must be African-American.

Full-scale shootouts can occur in a major city. When the smoke clears, the survivors get in their cars and drive off. No cops ever show up.

When one car is about to smash into another car, on a flat and straight street, the moving car flies over the stationary car, even though there is no ramp visible.

Cars can speed down city sidewalks, loaded with pedestrians, and yet not a single person gets hit by the speeding car.

All computers make beeping noises that correspond with every keystroke seen on the monitor, even though if real computers actually did this, 99% of us would go bonkers after 5 minutes of that crap.

Computers in movies, "present day" movies, do things that are technologically impossible, thus fooling the few remaining Americans left who haven't bought a computer yet, used a computer, that computers can really do that stuff.

Leading male sex symbols, when boarding a plane, always just happen to get seated next to a hot babe, not some fat slob housewife from Sheboygan.

[Falcon4.0]

All bombers use the universal wire color coding system for wiring their device.