Posted on 12/24/2014 5:33:35 PM PST by Skooz
Hello all. Sitting here at home and wondering if anyone else out there is spending this evening alone.
On this night of all nights when families gather and friends share gifts and time, some of us are, for various reasons, spending Christmas Eve solo.
Not necessarily a bad thing - alone doesn't always mean lonely. But, it does mean alone.
Check in if that includes any of you, my fellow Freepers.
I have no idea who is footing his lifestyle.
He was living with his father until October last year 2013.
Things got so bad his dad told him to leave and because they share the same name he scammed the police, the property management, etc all of whom said he was within his rights to live there.
Once his dad got everyone straight, he was forced to leave.
So get this, he spent two months living on the porch!!!
The details of that whole Boo chit would take days to explain.
Anyway, he was finally booted off the property by the law and management.
He then spent 3 weeks on the street begging for money from us and the entire family.
Dude would not get help and refused to work.
So, I brought him home, for one night.
The next day it had been decided he was going to stay so long as he could follow the rules, not drink, go to AA and do housework of which a list would be created by me.
I was shocked. Not what I intended.
So, he tells us he is going to get into it slowly and blah blah blah.
The whole thing was a cluster cluck.
He would have this reason or that for why he didn’t do his share of housework but, mostly he didn’t feel he should as he was a guest.
“Would you clean your Mom’s house?” he angrily snapped on occassion.
“Are you effing kidding me? I wouldn’t even think about it. In fact, we all clean something up when we show up and we all send her money for various things” I replied.
“Well, that’s on you” he says.
WTF??? On me? I did something wrong? LOL
FU! I send my mom money because she went without so we could have food, clothes, etc.
Why the hell wouldn’t I and who doesn’t?
Then in August, we went to LA to set up another deal for his script.
I drove him and his mom rented a hotel. So he would have a safe place if he fell off the wagon.
This dude dug a hole when he got off the wagon, was so wasted he couldn’t stand, brought some complete stranger to the hotel room and wanted me to go out with them.
Told the guy to get out.
So he left with the guy and I didn’t hear from him again til the following afternoon.
He’s fricking wasted at some idiot bar called Cabo Wabo and talking all kinds of I don’t know.
So I walk down the street and this moron somehow has money!
Where did he get it? The next day I was missing $700 out of my briefcase.
I don’t know how he ever got it.
So he blew through that and doing his deals and I watch three hollywood’ers tell him he has to stop and one who left that life behind years ago.
Sure enough by the end of the week he’s blown two deals but, was paid by another.
So, he goes to Koi and gets frickin hammered.
I mean I watch him down 6 scotch’s in 90 minutes and one of those jars of Sake.
Fk me. I can drink but, hell no I could do that.
So, after he is completely tanked he informs me he is not going back.
I’m pissed, having just watched him implode.
He has $1,000 left from his big pay day(and stealing from me) and he wants a friggin ride to the Mondrian.
The Mondrian? In summer? Has to be expensive.
I drop him off and two hours into my drive back up to the Bay Area his mom wants to know if I got him back safe.
I inform her what happened and she goes ballistic.
Wanted to know how I could let him drink.
Told her I didn’t put the bottle to his head. He did it all on his own and now he is being a big shot at the Mondrian.
And, he has his money somehow.
Turns out he had taken a room that cost $800!
Why? That’s all they had left.
So I get cajoled into turning around and getting him. Guess who isn’t going to get any sleep, while someone rests comfortably in my car?
So, I get him home. Three days later he walks out the door and doesn’t come back for a month.
No one knows how he is paying for his lifestyle.
He gambles at a local gambling joint and you know this story just goes on and on.
Each time he comes back with some tale of woe.
Twice he threatened to kill himself and I told him he was too lazy and lacked the courage.
So he called an aunt who hadn’t heard from him in years and told her.
Well, uh, the cops picked him up and psych warded him.
This sad tale just goes on forever.
Daughter, son in law and grandson all have to work regular hours today; just me and the cats at home.
Ok..let me condense this...so you can see what you obviously already know...however I’ve put some additions in...
He was mooching from his father
He scammed the police,/ the property management.
He was booted off the property by the law and management....He then spent 3 weeks on the street begging for money from us and the entire family.
He refused to work or get help.
(key)...So, I brought him home, for one night.
‘YOU’ decided he was going to stay so long as he could follow the rules
(so up til this point clearly you have a 44 yr. old winner, not a looser, milking everyone who says go ahead have at it and let me help you.)
Then...
You drove him to LA ...and his mommy paid for his hotel expenses. (so far he’s batting 100 %)
You were missing $700 out of my briefcase..... (Bingo payday!...he’s batting another home run!)
You watched him down 6 scotch’s in 90 minutes......(Nothing like having a buddy to drink with even if they don’t...he’s still the winner in this game he’s playing)
Then....
You give him another ride to the Mondrian. Though he’s got a grand on him. (he’s making out pretty dang good)
Mommy gets upset with you... (controller of you both)....You go back and get him home for mommy.
He gambles ...He’s an Alcoholic..all the above standard behavior for such people and family’s of enabling their behavior.
Cops picked him up and psych warded him.
So who bailed him out?
You see there’s a typical pattern here.....and obvious you know this....so as you say at what point will you stop listening to Mommy and him? You do understand that your mother is the controller in this?
I did not bail him out the first time.
That was a complete shock to me.
When I drove him to LA, he was fine, though I feared the worst.
When I dropped him off I was standing with a couple friends and just wanted him out of my hair and had to pass by the hotel
The rest I cop to but, never gave permission to any of this and we are currently at more than a bit of friction.
I am going away tomorrow instead of spending Christmas here.
I told his mommy enough was enough, which might be why she blurted that she would always take her son over me.
I smiled and walked out of the room knowing what needed to be done and I’m done.
No one is leading here and I informed her that she should choose him over me and I am okay with that.
But, my fault for living here.
We are done with this retarded game.
I’ve watched with bemusment as he thinks he is winning this entire week but, it’s madness.
His mom says “I want peace in this house on Christmas Day.”
“Yeah, so what are the terms and conditions and how will we recognize it, measure it? and don’t bother to answer because you will not give one that is adequate to both sides and I think we are wasting our time at ALANON if you are going to continue enabling him and further amputate any ambition he has”.
You are right and so are a few others.
I have no way to enforce this, except by leaving and that is where I am at.
Funny, my brother has wondered why I stayed so long, as I never gave any other woman a chance.
Thanks for the slap with the cold wet towel.
It was deserved.
Just walk away for awhile...it doesn’t have to be a permanet deal....let them work it out...and make them call you don’t ring them.
As said I haven’t heard from my son for months now and am ok with it..God knows where and what he’s doing every minute.
Let me say this.
You cannot help your mom nor your brother to come to terms with this...but they are completely helpless against your prayers. Important to remember this...’they are helpless against your prayers’.
Gotta find something to do tomorrow.
We have friends coming but, I am not going to eat with pall over dinner.
I think I’ll go to my lodge and clean the stainless steel.
Been wanting to do that anyway and I have a stash of food in the pantry as well in the freezer.
That’s the ticket!
PS. “she blurted that she would always take her son over me”.
That’s a manipulation tactic controllers use...she’s pushing buttons all the way in this..and I’m going to say likely playing you both....though she won’t see it as that for sure.
Moms are crafty people when it comes to their families....they feel and react emotionally rather than think things through, and this quite rather naturally. Becuase they’re moms.
I wouldn’t put any weight in her saying she would choose one over the other....she wants to rescue your brother....and if she can’t she wants you to. Nobody’s accomplishing that obviously.
Yeah, the second it came out of her mouth, I only smiled.
Which is odd, given that I usually quick and sarcastic but, what’s the point?
Sounds like a plan to me!...And frankly you don’t owe anybody , including the family friends, any reason for your change of plans.....just leave and tell them something’s come up you “want” to take care of.....and leave it at that.
If push comes to shove...it’s frankly none of their business....and you might have to tell them so.
One thing I had to learn in life...you do not have to account to anybody you don’t want to...and how to stop thinking I have to give people reasons for what I chose to do or not.
I’m spending Christmas alone because that is what I want to do...I had several invites when they learned my family would be across country. I still chose to be alone...and am doing what I want tonight and tomorrow.
There’s is something quite special about being solo Christmas......and sensing the Lords intended it that way.
You know, I read stories where the people ask why? I ask, “ why not me.”. Does that make sense? God never gives us more than we can handle. We are being refined.
The more you let loose of this entire situation and the family members the more the Lord will give you a remarkable understanding of the dynamics, as he did at tht moment she said that.....Though I think you ‘see’ them...sometimes it takes a bit longer for the heart to catch up with the mind.
I’ll come up with some creative thing like there was a break in or something and I’m the only one in town with keys.
Which is true.
Everyone else left.
Eggs, bacon and hashbrowns sound good to me.
Peppered bacon...
Yum
I am pretty clear on the dynamics.
I am not doing my part and that has to end.
It’ll be healthy for them and clarify just how far things have gone.
Had a friend years ago who attacked his wife twice in a one week period.
I ended our friendship on the spot.
As I understand it they both went and got counseling and he is the best husband ever.
Who knows.
I’ll never talk to him again and we were like brothers.
I think it’s Applewood but, peppered would be great too.
Alright!.... I’m having French Toast, Eggs and Potatoes!
Don’t use any reason where someone will say they want to come along and help.....
You could even say you just need some time to figure some things out and now is the time. Apologize then excuse yourself...then let us know how “freeing” you felt once you were on your way!
Make sure to have some great music playing too! Not necessarily Christmas either!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYPgnz3t5kQ
I’m so sorry for your losses. I went through a year or two like that some time a go when I lost just about everyone.
I never questioned “why me?” As it just seems to be part of life.
Yeah, like mine I think your man has issues beyond alcohol.
You sound so impressive to me. You sound like when you get to a home of your very own and close that front door the first night you will feel such relief. Are there kids?
You aren’t married! So it will be easy for you to kick him out. Am I right?
Do you feel personally that you love him or that you want to fix him?
Nope. No kids.
But, your other comment does bring a scene up from Saint Elmo’s fire:
“I woke up in the middle of the night to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and it was my kitchen, and it was my apartment, and it was my refrigerator, and it was the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich I had ever had in my entire life.”
Mare Winningham, from St. Elmo’s Fire
1983
Never forgot that line.
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