Posted on 05/27/2009 7:00:52 AM PDT by Milhous
A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. "I'm tired and thirsty," says the Frenchman. "I must have wine." I have long been convinced that two things have allowed we Jews to survive for almost four thousand years and outlive our long list of enemies in the process: religious faith and a burning desire to tell jokes, especially the self deprecating kind. ... I'm also personally discovering that the older a Jew gets, the more he or she wants to tell stories and have them laughed at — even if they aren't officially in the comedy trade or even if the jokes they're telling are ancient and have been recounted time and time again. Like me, for example.
Hollywood director and producer Sam Hoffman has came up with the perfect solution: the enormously successful Jewish humor website called "Old Jews Telling Jokes" (www.oldjewstellingjokes.com) which Hoffman launched just last year. Born of his own fondness for the funny tales he heard from his father, family and friends over four decades, the website is just what it's called: Old Jews telling jokes.
"I'm tired and thirsty," says the German. "I must have beer."
"I'm tired and thirsty," says the Jew. "I must have diabetes."
...
(Excerpt) Read more at jewishworldreview.com ...
Morris and Abe are walking down the street and pass a church with a sign outside that says, “$1000 to any Jew who converts.” Morris says, “Abe, do you think they’ll really pay it?”
Abe says, “you wait out here. I’ll go in, tell them I want to convert, and I’ll see if they pay me.”
Morris waits outside. And waits. And waits. Finally, two hours later, Abe comes out. Morris asks, “Abe, did they pay you $1000?”
Abe says, “you Jews! All you ever think about is money!”
Issac’s wife Rebekah perhaps serves as the archetypal Jewish mother figure as she schemes with her favorite son Jacob (Israel) “the tent dweller” against dad’s favorite, the more masculine Esau.
We have a law down in Knoxville named Finklestein, Swartz and Cunningham LLC. The two Jewish names are for effect. There aren’t now and never have been any other lawyers in this one attorney firm.
If you'd like to be on or off, please FR mail me.
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LOL!!
the punch line should be “The other one you didn’t like?”
much more of a passive aggressive zing.
ping
Wow, thank you.
A careful reading is in order.
ROFL! You are exactly right!
One of my all time favorite pings!
Thanks, I needed to laugh!
Ask Zer0 to show you his...birth certificate.
:)
But the only joke I remember him telling is about the two Jewish tailors who were talking and one says that he just came back from a trip to Rome where he saw the Pope.
The other one says: "What kind of man was he?"
"42 long".
One reason I find this funny is that I have noticed some elderly Jewish men seem to have an odd fascination with the Pope.
A confident person can laugh at themselves.
I love this kind of humour! Thanks.
Sayings of the Jewish Buddhist
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.
The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.
Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals.*(You might want to see a specialist.)
The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself.
The Buddha says, “There is no self.” So, maybe we’re off the hook.
[Drink tea and nourish life]
Lol, THAT one’s true! I was up at 4am last night, couldn’t sleep so I had some hot tea and half a sandwich!!
Some funny stuff there!
LOL!
A sandwich instead of a danish? You need more study.
LOL - when I was a kid I spent a summer living with my Buddhist uncle and Jewish aunt. Brings back memories of sukiyaki after the matzo ball soup meals...
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