Posted on 02/23/2008 3:16:44 AM PST by bad company
An artist killed herself after aborting her twins when she was eight weeks pregnant, leaving a note saying: "I should never have had an abortion. I see now I would have been a good mum."
Emma Beck was found hanging at her home in Helston, Cornwall, on Feb 1 2007. She was declared dead early the following day - her 31st birthday.
Her suicide note read: "I told everyone I didn't want to do it, even at the hospital. I was frightened, now it is too late. I died when my babies died. I want to be with my babies: they need me, no-one else does."
The inquest at Truro City Hall heard that Miss Beck had split up with her boyfriend, referred to as "Ben" after he "reacted badly" to the pregnancy.
She saw her GP before the termination, but missed an appointment at a hospital in Penzance. She then cancelled, but later turned up to an appointment at a clinic at Royal Cornwall Hospital in Treliske. The counsellor was on holiday so a doctor referred Miss Beck to a pregnancy counselling telephone service eight days before carrying out the abortion when she was eight weeks pregnant, the inquest heard.
The coroner, Dr Emma Carlyon, ordered that the identities of the doctor who performed the abortion and her lead consultant be kept secret.
The inquest heard that Sylvia Beck, the victim's mother, wrote to the hospital after her daughter's death, saying: "I want to know why she was not given the opportunity to see a counsellor.
"She was only going ahead with the abortion because her boyfriend did not want the twins.
"I believe this is what led Emma to take her own life - she could not live with what she had done."
The doctor said: "I discussed Emma's situation with her, and wrote on the form, 'Unsupported, lives alone, ex-partner aware'.
"It is normal practice to give a woman the number for telephone counselling when a counsellor is not available.
"I am satisfied that everything was done to make sure that Emma consented to the operation.
She added: "We have since appointed more counsellors so there is more holiday cover."
Katie Gibbs, Miss Beck's GP, told the hearing: "She was extremely distressed by the abortion procedure, and I didn't think she ever came to terms with it.
"She had a long history of anxiety and depression. Despite my best efforts, she was not willing to see a counsellor after the termination."
Her boss at the clinic, said: "The time that can be given to a woman by a counsellor is limited in a busy hospital.
"I am satisfied everything was done to make sure Emma was consenting to surgery. I don't feel there was any gap in the counselling service.
"There were lots of individuals who would be alert to any doubts. The comments made by Emma's mother are not about a doctor I recognise."
Mrs Beck told the court: "Emma was considered a talented artist, and sold a number of paintings.
"She was pleased when she became pregnant, but Ben reacted badly to the news."
Recording a verdict of suicide, Dr Carlyon said: "It is clear that a termination can have a profound effect on a woman's life.
"But I am reassured by the evidence of the doctors here."
He'll go round to the pub, have a pint or two, and then it's on to the next bird....no flies on Ben....
The decision was HERS. That’s the point. We all make our choices, for better or for worse. She has to live with what she did... or in her case, she chose not to live with it. SHE chose abortion, and then SHE chose death.
“What a sad story. I hope this poor soul has found some kind of peace.
May her butcher accomplices be tormented by the blood on their hands until the day they die.”
My feelings, exactly.
Bingo. My ex told me the day abortion was made legal, that he was “off the hook.”
I truly believe that he was not in full consent of his will at the time of his death. Sounds the same with your mom.
I'm curious, what makes you think that?
Profound grief and regret do strange things to people. Mercy and compassion are also godly qualities.
Confession time. When I was young I impregnated 3 young ladies at different times (having no sense of personal responsibility, having no moral compass to guide me, having bought wholly into the feel-good philosophy of the age.) Each pregnancy and relationship was terminated via abortion. How matter of fact the decision to abort was arrived at varied somewhat in each case, yet the ultimate decision was the same—abort, abort, abort. No resistance from me. I was totally on board with the idea (how easy for me it made all things!)
Going in to the clinic was a bit numbing (on one occasion I actually overslept and was awakened by a frantic call from my then girlfriend wondering where I was. I fully understood why she dumped me shortly after! I would have dumped me, too.) On the other two occasions, we sat together, not saying a word. I marvelled at the blank faces, the nervous giggling among friends, the tight-lipped stone faces of parents with their teens all waiting for their turn at the table. With each call, a separation, a wave of the hand, a doubtful look of uncertainty, a permanent change.
Coming out from the procedure, my semi-anesthetized, soon-to-be exes came out, hunched over, doped up, uncommunicative. I had no idea of what was going through their minds at the time other than the sense that what it was was troubling. For my part, I was isolated, confused as to what to do, lacking for anything that would help, comfort, offer anything in the way of hope. It was as if some great rift had immediately descended between we two. The quiet ride home. The separation to allow for recovery. The subsequent clumsy conversations to try to return to our relationship (at the time, I had no idea it was already irrevocably over.) A few days, a couple of weeks, empty talk, something missing, senseless arguing, inexpressible feelings, onslaught of confusion all worked their woe and we parted company.
Years later at college I was given an impromptu speech test as part of my admissions requirement. I had to come up with something that I could discuss extemporaneously for 3-5 minutes (and something I thought was going to be trendy, provacative enough to captivate this assessor of mine.) I spoke on the damage of abortion to human relationships.
Like this woman, I too, long to see my 3 “little ones” (the definition of the term “fetus”) and to express to them joy at finally being able to see them, hold them, touch them. They are in the better place right now, not me. I do not say that to excuse anything, to justify anything, to minimize anything. I was a party to their murder! Like the woman in this story, if I were to have thought about it long and hard enough back then, my conscience may not have let me go. Those times when I did reflect on it, I was deeply grieved over what I had done. But it wasn’t until I came to Christ that my remorse became more fully focused. I had sinned against God! I had offended Him. Yes, I had helped take human life, but in doing so, I had gone against God’s will for my life and all life. So, too, with each of my sins (none being more egregious than any other in HIS sight). When I came to Him with this remorse, it was then I received the mercy and forgiveness that permeates all the way to the conscience. I stand before Him pardoned now. Some here may feel that a full pardon is not in order. That’s okay. I have come to realize that sin’s consequences are sometimes long-term. But in God’s eyes, my sin is forgiven. Not because I wanted it to be (though I did), but because He paid for it.
I don’t know if I will need to apologize to my yet unknown children when I see them in Heaven (the Bible talks about Christ having paid the penalty for sin—even ones like these, and that there are no tears in Heaven), but if I need to, I will.
“Good riddance”
“Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.” - Robert Heinlein
"............I will neither give a deadly drug to anybody who asks for it, nor will I make a suggestion to this effect. Similarly I will not give to a woman an abortive remedy. In purity and holiness I will guard my life and my art.
"If I fulfill this oath and do not violate it, may it be granted to me to enjoy life and art, being honored with fame among all men for all time to come. If I transgress it and swear falsely, may the opposite of all this be my lot."
(Translated from the Greek)
Leni
Be Blessed.
Ben can now move on because he has no baggage anymore....it all worked well for him. I am certain this will haunt him forever though...this isn't your typical breakup...
Don’t get me wrong, I admire the English very much, especially the 20th century English, but they need a new dawn of understanding of who they were. Part of their cultural heritage is Christianity, and they desperately need a reconnect.
God isn't looking for us to be perfect. He's already found that perfection in our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus who made a Perfect sacrifice. One's personal sins are never as important as what our Lord Jesus Christ did on the Cross about our sins.
Repentence is simply turning back. The focus of our thinking whenever we sin, is simply on anything other than God through faith in Christ. We never sin while we are remaining in fellowship in God by believing in Him through faith in Christ.
Repentence is turning back to God. It isn't emotional. It isn't based upon our promises not to sin again. Our basis with God is upon His grace, not upon our merit or lack thereof. He doesn't base His grace upon our actions, past, present, or future, but rather upon the work of Christ on the Cross. That is the cornerstone of our faith.
The Apostle Paul used the verb hamartano when he wrote, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
When we sin, we fall out of fellowship with Him because we have exercised our volition independent of remaining faithful through Christ. Once this occurs, we haven't changed the will of Soverign God. He remains immutable, but we have changed ourselves. We haven't changed His sealing of our salvation, rather we change our thinking and perception of that relationship with God.
Heb 10:26-31
6 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a certain fearful expectation of judgment and a zeal of fire that will consume the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has set aside the Law of Moses dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. 29 How much more severe punishment do you think he will deserve who has trampled under foot the son of God, and has regarded as common the blood of the covenant by which he was made holy, and has insulted the Spirit of grace? 30 For we know him who said, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay" (Deut 32:35). And again, "The Lord will judge his people" (Deut 32:36). 31 It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.
The saved believer who falls into sin, does so first by exercising his own volition independent of faith through Christ. Accordingly, that person isn't believing in God through faith in Christ at the time of that sin. This doesn't remove the past sealing of God the Holy Spirit. That sealing is completely performed by the volition and Sovereign decision of God which can never be changed.
This doesn't mean though, that we don't now view our relationship with Hm differently. Now from our perspective, there remains no sacrifice for sin, therefore we simply have a fearful expectation of judgment and fiery condemnation.
So what is the solution?
The same solution for any problem we ever encounter in life for all eternity, first we believe in God through faith in Christ.
How do we do that after we already had salvation and we turn away?
Simple, we simply face God again. That is all repentence is. Repentence focuses on God, not the sin. Focusing on the sin and our guilt merely places our thinking in a situation where we are judging ourselves independently of faith through Christ. The Adversary loves it when a believer, with all the magnificient gifts of the Holy Spirit, turns away from God and begins to eat himself alive in guilt and remorse over things in the past. God, however remains faithful and true in His sanctification process of His children.
If we remain in sin, he simply disciplines us. If we further remain in sin, then He typically may discipline us with consequences seven times more severe.
The solution is simply to turn back to Him, i.e. refocus on God the Father, through faith in God the Son. Then while facing Him, confessing our sins through faith in Christ.
1st John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
When we confess our sins, known and unknown, while facing God the Father through faith in Christ, we end up back in fellowship with God the Holy Spirit, so that He is then in a position to freely exercise His grace and further sanctify us as we study His Word.
Thinking there is some sin we've performed is so heinous that God won't forgive us of it is fallacious. (He knew all the sins each of us would ever perform at the very moment we first believed in Him through faith in Christ and He sealed us at that very moment. Christ also died for all of our sins, not just those we think He might cherrypick from the list.)
God is faithful in forgiveness. God's faithfulness means there are no exceptions; no sin is too bad, heinous, or evil. God always does exactly the same thing on the basis of the work of Jesus Christ on the Cross. One's personal sins are never as important as what our Lord Jesus Christ did on the Cross about our sins.
What appears to have occurred here is hamartophobia.
hamartophobia
1. Fear that one will commit or has committed some grievous error or unpardonable sin.
2. An excessive fear of committing errors or sins or of doing the wrong thing and being condemned for it.
Thank you for writing. Some people think men are not affected or damaged by abortion. I consistently argue otherwise. There are so many walking wounded, male and female, from this legal horror, and many of them would not have chosen that path if it was not legal. Legal makes it seem like it’s okay.
I have a close relative who suffers with the knowledge that he did nothing to prevent his ex-girlfriend from having an abortion. He has, over the years, become a recluse. He has become unable to maintain friendships or family relationships. He told me of the image he sees replayed over and over in his mind- of his baby in a bucket, and how he failed to even try to stop her. He knows she might not have listened, but he lives with the guilt of not even trying.
I have had friends who had recurring nightmares where they heard their babies crying during the night, and one who felt her baby’s hands around her neck, as if holding her. One credited her abortion with the reason she had trouble containing her rage against a subsequent child.
If I may, I would urge you to speak publicly, to other men, about this, and about how it has harmed you, the women, and your children. I know more and more people are going public, to try and prevent others from choosing that path.
Your healing can be deeper and more consoling than it has been. I would urge you to pray that God shows you the fullness of his revelations, and the way to the fullnes of His Truth.
Pax Christi.
Well written and obviously deeply felt.
I don’t believe you are thinking.
It is also known as despair-a failure to believe one can receive the Mercy of God.
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