Thank you for writing. Some people think men are not affected or damaged by abortion. I consistently argue otherwise. There are so many walking wounded, male and female, from this legal horror, and many of them would not have chosen that path if it was not legal. Legal makes it seem like it’s okay.
I have a close relative who suffers with the knowledge that he did nothing to prevent his ex-girlfriend from having an abortion. He has, over the years, become a recluse. He has become unable to maintain friendships or family relationships. He told me of the image he sees replayed over and over in his mind- of his baby in a bucket, and how he failed to even try to stop her. He knows she might not have listened, but he lives with the guilt of not even trying.
I have had friends who had recurring nightmares where they heard their babies crying during the night, and one who felt her baby’s hands around her neck, as if holding her. One credited her abortion with the reason she had trouble containing her rage against a subsequent child.
If I may, I would urge you to speak publicly, to other men, about this, and about how it has harmed you, the women, and your children. I know more and more people are going public, to try and prevent others from choosing that path.
Your healing can be deeper and more consoling than it has been. I would urge you to pray that God shows you the fullness of his revelations, and the way to the fullnes of His Truth.
Pax Christi.
I suppose I experienced some of what your friend felt when he did nothing to try to prevent abortion. Mine was the inaction of a moral relativist who chose not to look beyond his own personal expediency. The choice to abort made life simpler for me at the time (Oh, how small my view of time was just then!) Some of what plagued me was my willingness to not think things through beyond my own selfishness. Time has given me the chance to reflect, realize, repent, and grow (somewhat) from all this.
I haven’t gone before any groups (wouldn’t even know how to contact these groups.) I do share with anyone who cares to listen when the topic comes up/the occasion calls for it. I have found that, like myself back then, the willingness to listen (to one’s own inner voice or the voice of another) determines whether a message will be received. Many (especially young people) are conditioned today to be self-sufficient, equipped with the same moral-relativism that I was possessed of back then.
As to experiencing God’s grace to move beyond remorse, He affords me that opportunity each and every moment (”Jesus loves me, this I know...”) When I live my life in the knowledge of His presence, I know I am forgiven. In fact, I become less, He becomes greater, so I see less of myself and more of Him. The enemy, of course, seeks to undo all that and, so, provokes my mind (my flesh) to dwell on the horrible nature of my sin and, in so doing, seeks to undo and confound the grace of Christ through things like guilt and remorse. When I let him (the enemy) do this, he has his tiny victory (he can have no ultimate victory though—”Lifted up was He to die, It is finished was His cry, Now in Heaven exalted high, Hallelujah! What a Savior!”
We dwell here (awaiting His return) freed from the penalty of sin, given grace to withstand the power of sin, but still in the presence of sin. One day, this will change also and we shall be united with Him totally freed from all that sin can plague us with. This woman’s sad story is a testimony not just to the horrible nature of abortion, but to the terribleness of sin (how it brings forth death!) Lives are ruined and destroyed. Sorrow, emptiness, guilt, remorse are its effects on the inner being of Man. The grave is its end.
“O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.”