Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter
Q. What is a cesarean section?
A. A womb with a view.
A version of that weevil story was told in Master and Commander by the captain, played by Russell Crow. Supposedly, it was told to him by Lord Nelson.
I heard the koala joke from an Englishman who really used his accent and the Aussie imitation to full advantage.
He got his dog and gave the vendor a $20 and waited. And waited. And waited.
Finally he said, "I want change!"
The vendor replied, "Change comes from within..."
It’s a real tombstone in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, AZ.
Saw it years ago, when I was TDY at Ft. Huachuca, AZ.
You could always FReepmail it to anyone interested. Like me for example...
Ping to make my nephew crack up.
Years ago, the Wimiwatchee who lived in the woodlands of what is now Middle Tennessee celebrated a marriage ritual. The eligible young men were sent out with only a knife to live alone for a year. If they returned having proved themselves worthy they could be married.
They returned at the end of a year. One brave presented himself and a wonderfully tanned skin of a cougar for his new bride and marriage bed.
The second offered a truly magnificant pelt of a great black bear.
Alas, the third was not a great hunter, but did have an accumulation of rabbit skins and a muskrat or two. The wife of the chief who wanted him for her daughter took the skins and ran off to the trading post. The curmugeonly old trader knew the score but was unwilling to trade for a really good big skin. He rummaged around and came up with a hippopotamus hide that was shipped to him by mistake.
To make a long story as much longer as I can, I relate the events of the ceremony the following year when the newly weds of the previous year present any children resulting from the marriage.
The first young brave, the one whose marriage bed was the cougar pelt presented a beautiful smiling son. The brave with the bear rug bed presented a wonderfully bright eyed daughter. The brave with the hipposkin brought twins a boy and a girl.
This story proves the theorem......
The Squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides
I heard that one as:
Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts
And who can forget that wonderful collaborative work:
100 Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Maykit and Betty Wont
Q: What do you call an earthquake and fire happening at the same time?
A: Shake and Bake!
The next morning, Roy went out to retrieve his boots and found them in tatters. Being the brilliant tracker he was, he deduced that a large mountain lion was to blame.
Next morning, Roy saddled up Trigger and went out to catch the offending big cat.
Days passed, finally Roy arrived back at the cabin. Dale, relieved that Roy was back noticed a large dead mountain lion laying limp across Roy’s saddle.
Dale then exclaimed;
“Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?”
I like the signs at churches located in places where it is very hot in the summertime. Often times they will read:
“You think it’s hot here?”
pung
What did the little girl say when her nose started bleeding?
“Lordy, if it ain’t one thing it’s something else”
An Native American chief bought his son a sailboat and a membership in the yacht club so he could have a red son in the sailset.
That’s also used to be Monica Lewinski’s favorite game too!
You heard about the gal who turned down a date with a gynecologist? She said she didn’t want to go out with someone who spread old wives’ tales.
"Intentional Wok"
“Does the name, Quasimodo ring a bell?”
I had a hunch you’d be back!
My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the back seat of the car...she made me drive....RD
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