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Groaner Puns (Your favorite?)

Posted on 08/22/2007 2:23:11 PM PDT by VA Voter

Q. What is a cesarean section?

A. A womb with a view.


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: freepun; humor; jokes; lol; pun; puns
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To: VA Voter

Know how to tell if someone was delivered by cesarian?

Everytime they leave the house they go through the window.


21 posted on 08/22/2007 2:39:47 PM PDT by Hornet19 (It's Time to Put Up or Shut Up...Where Do You Stand?)
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To: VA Voter

What is an important ingredient in a scientist’s soft drink?

Carbon-dated water.


22 posted on 08/22/2007 2:40:46 PM PDT by scott7278 ("Before I give you the benefit of my reply, I would like to know what we are talking about.")
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To: ladtx
Or, here's another one about a player for the A's.

Jack Cust flied out to center.
Jack cussed.

23 posted on 08/22/2007 2:40:47 PM PDT by ladtx ( "I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top." - - Will Rogers)
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To: VA Voter

Why couldn’t the pirate see the movie?

It was rated “Aaargh!”


24 posted on 08/22/2007 2:41:36 PM PDT by scott7278 ("Before I give you the benefit of my reply, I would like to know what we are talking about.")
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To: VA Voter

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It’s been nice gnawing you!


25 posted on 08/22/2007 2:42:57 PM PDT by scott7278 ("Before I give you the benefit of my reply, I would like to know what we are talking about.")
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To: VA Voter

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.


26 posted on 08/22/2007 2:44:08 PM PDT by Robert DeLong
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To: Hornet19
Did you hear about the man who broke his ankle while tap dancing?

He fell into the sink.
27 posted on 08/22/2007 2:44:18 PM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Ron Paul put the cuckoo in my Cocoa Puffs)
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To: VA Voter

Use a pun go to jail


28 posted on 08/22/2007 2:44:22 PM PDT by KenHorse (It may be the only purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others)
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To: VA Voter
My favorite 3rd grade joke ever:

Q: Why do Sea gulls fly over the Sea?
A: If they flew over the Bay, they’d be Bay-gulls

(”Bagels”, it’s funnier spoken =)

29 posted on 08/22/2007 2:44:36 PM PDT by samson1097
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To: scott7278

A jellyfish walked into a hardware shop and bought ten drills.


30 posted on 08/22/2007 2:44:59 PM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Ron Paul put the cuckoo in my Cocoa Puffs)
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To: VA Voter

Word has it that an out-of-town conglomorate based in the Philippines has bought the Chicago Cubs. There are no plans to move the team at this time, but if they do, they’ll be called the Manila Folders.


31 posted on 08/22/2007 2:45:41 PM PDT by scott7278 ("Before I give you the benefit of my reply, I would like to know what we are talking about.")
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To: VA Voter; The Spirit Of Allegiance

Pun Ping


32 posted on 08/22/2007 2:46:06 PM PDT by Larry Lucido (Hunter 2008)
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To: VA Voter

Does the name, Quasimodo ring a bell?


33 posted on 08/22/2007 2:46:26 PM PDT by Proud2BeRight
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To: reagan_fanatic

Ungh...took me a sec! Good one.


34 posted on 08/22/2007 2:46:58 PM PDT by RosieCotton
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To: VA Voter

Here’s a double pun with a grammar lesson:

What’s the difference between a cougar and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other’s a pause at the end of a clause!


35 posted on 08/22/2007 2:47:03 PM PDT by dan1123 (You are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. --Jesus)
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To: samson1097

A man goes to the Doctor with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear.
“That looks nasty,” says the doctor.
“Nasty?!?” replies the man, “that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”


36 posted on 08/22/2007 2:47:10 PM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Ron Paul put the cuckoo in my Cocoa Puffs)
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To: VA Voter
My current favorite:

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. He was immediately arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

37 posted on 08/22/2007 2:47:12 PM PDT by T. P. Pole
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To: VA Voter

Golf is a lot like taxes - you drive hard to get to the green and end up in the hole.


38 posted on 08/22/2007 2:48:28 PM PDT by Robert DeLong
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To: bert
A Chinese gentlemen visits his eye doctor and is told some bad news. "I'm sorry Mr Chen but you have cataracs".

Mr Chen replies, "No, I drive a Rincoln Continental."

-----------------------------------------

The really cute blonde is on the witness stand, testifying against her attacker. The DA questions her. "And Miss Smith, did the attacker have, to the best of your knowledge, a climax when he attacked you?".

The girl thought about it for a few seconds and answered "No sir. I think he had one of them Japanese Mazdas."

39 posted on 08/22/2007 2:48:38 PM PDT by KenHorse (It may be the only purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others)
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To: VA Voter

Somewhere, deep in a dusty Warsaw back room, is a filing cabinet full of bank deposit paperwork. It is the undisputed Pole vault record holder.


40 posted on 08/22/2007 2:48:40 PM PDT by LexBaird (Tyrannosaurus Lex, unapologetic carnivore)
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