Posted on 11/05/2004 11:52:42 AM PST by iheartusa
There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.
I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".
I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.
NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.
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Why is this guy an asshole? For telling the truth?
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No, he is an asshole for how he goes about it. According to him most people have children because they are stupid, ignorant, or unrealistic.
Exactly! Whatever it is that makes someone say "I want to have n kids," I don't have it (nor does my wife). My wife is from Mexico and we got it pretty bad the first few years we were married. But we were much too old (in our late 30s) and eventually stopped getting bugged.
When you are child-free it is amazing how many laws and attitudes are setup to punish you. There is a big bias but I put up with it.
I have also seen a LOT of people who shouldnot have kids but have them anyway because they are too stupid not to. Those situations are just sad and tragic.
If I have to go to a conference out of town for a week, the first couple of days are great. Eat where and when I want. No responsibility.
After 3 days of that, all I want to do is go home and be with my wife and kids.
A break is nice, but I wouldn't be much without them (well except maybe a problem drinker
So why isn't that obvious?
Maybe his Mom wishes she had been blessed with a different kid?
I love having two daughters who both got married this year. Their husbands are even Republicans!
Ok, so it wasn't what he said that bothered you, it was how he said it, right?
I only wanted two kids. The good Lord knew better and gave me twin girls after my son was born. God knew better than me what was good for my family. We all love our 3 kid family.
Amen.
That's not quite fair. The child-free pay for all kinds of things that they don't use nor will ever use -- schools, playgrounds, lunch programs, etc. etc. etc. Also, we don't get any tax breaks -- my marginal tax rate when you add it all up is nearly 45% I just got a small bonus and I saw about 1/2 of it.
I'll trade you all the money I spend on your kids now for the SSI I might get later.
If they live nearby, God save the future grandkids. You'll spoil them rotten.:)
Ping!
I recall quite a while back you discussing that you had no offspring, but were close to a friends kids. Am I right?
I don't think you're selfish. I don't think most people would. It's this guy's attitude that those who have kids are delusional, that he thinks he's living the high life and that he thinks that others should follow his example is what rubs people the wrong way. No one was attacking you.
I wonder if he is happy his Parents did not hold this viewpoint?
This reminds me of a book I saw at the mall a while back. I can't recall the name of it, but it was written by a couple of feminists who were so surprised to learn that motherhood can be tough that they thought they ought to write a book about it in order to get the word out.
Can't speak for the other poster but my take is this. Not everyone wants kids (or can have them) and that is fine. I have an uncle that never married and never had kids (and isn't gay!). No problem. But neither does he go around writing articles about people who do and how bad it must be. I discovered after getting married that I knew nothing about marriage before I got married. I discovered after having kids that I knew nothing about raising kids before having them.
I don't think this guy is a parent. He is saying that he has chosen not to get married or have kids, as is his right. Why does that make him an ass?
Yes, I will!!
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