Posted on 11/05/2004 11:52:42 AM PST by iheartusa
There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.
I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".
I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.
NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.
They may be feeling the same thing about people who have children. It's what makes each person happy, I think.
I don't remember where, but I saw a study a while back that showed that the net cost/benefit to society of having a child is very nearly zero. (They actually couldn't determine whether it was positive or negative). If this is the case, then childless people aren't "selfish", and those with children aren't "freeloaders".
Having kids, elevates us. We learn from sharing, purpose, responsibilty, which we wouldn't otherwise. We must be sure who we choose. It can be wonderful. My son gives me more than I ever gave him.(not money), but true love and respect. I can't imagine life without him. (Chemo for a year)
As a nurse at people's deathbeds - I've seen people completely alone, no family, no friends just staff - and then those surrounded by their loved ones - at that time of death, your last thoughts are of the life you led, the family you loved.
I believe it's a pretty lonely life the writer is leading, and he's only kidding himself.
One of life's greatest joys is to love someone else besides yourself - and feel that love returned.
I wish more people felt that way. People who don't really want to be parents usually suck at it. We need more good parents and fewer who feel forced into it.
Fair enough.
It's obvious that the guy doesn't have kids. Kids can be a trial sometimes, but the rewards far outweigh any of that.
I don't disagree with you. I put myself in that category for many years.
To each there own, and I defiantly think people should never go into parenthood without a 100% percent commitment because it takes even more than that. But before I had children I never knew love could be this huge, this rewarding, this encompassing, this intense. I love my husband more than I think I ever would have seeing the kind of father he is to our boys.The day our six week old son had to go into surgery I looked into the eyes of my husband and I could see his soul. I will never forget the moment when I was simultaneously scared out of my mind for our son, begging the Lord for mercy and I knew my husband really was a great man, everything I thought he was and more. (God granted us that mercy and so many more ) I know it sounds cliché but from the bottom of my heart I tell you even with all the struggles and rewards I would give up anything including my own life to have the honor, the blessing , the joy of being my sons mother.
Fine, but you shouldn't be required to pay into SS, either. I'd happily opt out of SS if I could.
But leaving aside the love we have for our kids, who does this yahoo think is going to keep him fed and housed when he's too old to work or care for himself?
It's amazing how deeply the socialist mindset has sunk into even FR. Your question is based on the assumption that SS is something government should even be doing.
That's not how SS works. You are not paying into the system for your own benefits, you're paying other peoples' benefits.
It's basically a giant pyramid scheme.
Totally unfair. Not all people without children are by choice. Some have already spent far more than the expense of a child's first car and college education in just the effort to have a child. Word of advice...don't always assume that childless couples choose that lifestyle.
Terminal illness sometimes sounds easier than infertility. I mean, who is going to keep me fed and housed when I'm old if all childless couples indiscriminately are cut off from social security.
I don't know about all the other responses here...but, I believe the last 2 paragraphs seem to reflect the authors disdain at alot of parents who are irresponsible in raising kids. There are alot of them out there...I see it everyday. If I'd have to guess, the authors parents were probably not the most responsible of people; and that lead to gross dysfunction within his family. His ultimate point is well taken...don't have kids if you can't be responsible for them.
This guy makes a good case for not having children at the time in life when most people have them. However, he doesn't make his case for not having them at all. Once the retirement account is well-filled, other assets are built up, debt paid down, and lots of life experience is accumulated, having children doesn't bring the same sort of stress as it does for someone who's worried about not being able to make the mortgage payment, much less save for retirement. His 45 retirement age leaves plenty of time to have and enjoy children. Women's biological clock? Put your embryos in the freezer, and have children when you're good and ready.
Too bad this schmuck's parents didn't feel the same way. Family is life.
He must be talking about all those liberals who wish they aborted their kids.
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