Posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:56 PM PDT by carlo3b
THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed, gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. Do I look like a people person?
24. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Wait! Wait! I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
32 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
38. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
39. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
This is what I'd like to say in the work place:
How many of you are illegal drug user losers, addicted to pot, heroin, cocaine, meth etc.?
Trump, "YOU'RE FIRED!"
XX. I'm not familar with that idiom.
XX. Is that a metaphor?
XX. Yes, you are correct, proleptically.
XX. I agree, sycophancy is a good career move for you.
XX. Tell someone who gives a < bleep >.
XX. What should we do? Get in your time machine and...
XX. Any answering begining, "Get in a time machine and..." is deemed to be non-responsive.
XX. Is this the forth final last new latest update or was it the previous one?
XX. How will we know when we're done?
XX. Moi? Sarcastic?
-- Technically not correct, since I've pretty much used all of these at one time or the other.
99. "Wait. Let me get my earplugs. I don't want to be deafened by the sonic boom when you pull your head out of your @$$".
You're on a roll this morning!!!!!!!
I haven't left yet Carlo. Did you think you could escape the Neapolitan "Force?"
RUH ROOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
It's not that we don't understand the situation, it's that we just don't care.
placemarker
Jellybean made me do it and ladyinred asked that I post it.... tubebender needed some new taglines.. What can an Italian man do... :/
Have a great trip. . :):):)
Have a wonderful trip stanz!!!
BON VOYAGE!!
Before you go...some Disfunctional Greeting Cards for you...
"Go back to freakin' Mainland China you little freakin' rice-eating, slant-eyed, communist spying bastard......Cocksucker."
Web Posted: 01/17/98 21:32:02 PST -- NEWSWEEK KILLS STORY ON WHITE HOUSE INTERN X X X X X BLOCKBUSTER REPORT: 23-YEAR OLD, FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN, SEX RELATIONSHIP WITH PRESIDENT
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Web Posted: 01/17/98 23:32:47 PST -- NEWSWEEK KILLS STORY ON WHITE HOUSE INTERN
BLOCKBUSTER REPORT: 23-YEAR OLD, FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN, SEX RELATIONSHIP WITH PRESIDENT
**World Exclusive**
**Must Credit the DRUDGE REPORT**
At the last minute, at 6 p.m. on Saturday evening, NEWSWEEK magazine killed a story that was destined to shake official Washington to its foundation: A White House intern carried on a sexual affair with the President of the United States!
The DRUDGE REPORT has learned that reporter Michael Isikoff developed the story of his career, only to have it spiked by top NEWSWEEK suits hours before publication. A young woman, 23, sexually involved with the love of her life, the President of the United States, since she was a 21-year-old intern at the White House. She was a frequent visitor to a small study just off the Oval Office where she claims to have indulged the president's sexual preference. Reports of the relationship spread in White House quarters and she was moved to a job at the Pentagon, where she worked until last month.
The young intern wrote long love letters to President Clinton, which she delivered through a delivery service. She was a frequent visitor at the White House after midnight, where she checked in the WAVE logs as visiting a secretary named Betty Curry, 57.
The DRUDGE REPORT has learned that tapes of intimate phone conversations exist.
The relationship between the president and the young woman become strained when the president believed that the young woman was bragging about the affair to others.
NEWSWEEK and Isikoff were planning to name the woman. Word of the story's impeding release caused blind chaos in media circles; TIME magazine spent Saturday scrambling for its own version of the story, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. The NEW YORK POST on Sunday was set to front the young intern's affair, but was forced to fall back on the dated ABC NEWS Kathleen Willey break.
The story was set to break just hours after President Clinton testified in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case.
Ironically, several years ago, it was Isikoff that found himself in a shouting match with editors who were refusing to publish even a portion of his meticulously researched investigative report that was to break Paula Jones. Isikoff worked for the WASHINGTON POST at the time, and left shortly after the incident to build them for the paper's sister magazine, NEWSWEEK.
Michael Isikoff was not available for comment late Saturday. NEWSWEEK was on voice mail.
The White House was busy checking the DRUDGE REPORT for details.
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Web Posted: 01/18/98 22:33:48 PST -- FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN CALLED; NEW BACKGROUND DETAILS EMERGE
**World Exclusive**
**Must Credit the DRUDGE REPORT**
The DRUDGE REPORT has learned that former White House intern, Monica Lewinsky, 23, has been subpoenaed to give a deposition in the Paula Jones case.
About the young woman, this is known:
WORK EXPERIENCE
*Summer of 1995 Intern, Office of Chief of Staff Leon Panetta, The White House.
*November 1995 Staff assistant, Office of Legislative Affairs, The White House. "Wrote drafts and correspondence for Staff Secretary's approval and ultimately the President's signature. Processed and vetted all incoming mail to the President from Congress."
*April 1996 Assistant to the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Public Affairs, The Pentagon.
EDUCATION
May 95 Lewis and Clark College. Major: Psychology.
MISC.
Holds current TS-SCI clearance, allowing access to top secret and sensitive information. Proficient in Macintosh for Microsoft Word 6.0, WordPerfect for Windows, and Infosys.
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Web Posted: 01/19/98 14:54:06 PST -- FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN DENIES SEX WITH PRESIDENT IN SWORN AFFIDAVIT
**World Exclusive**
**Must Credit the DRUDGE REPORT**
Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, 23, has denied having any "sexual relationship with President Clinton" in a sworn affidavit, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned. Lewinsky's sworn written statement was executed last week after she was served with a subpoena in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case.
NBC was busy developing a story Tuesday afternoon on Lewinsky. Through a suspected leak, the network obtained a copy of Lewinsky's affidavit and was reading portions of it to sources to provoke comment.
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Web Posted: 01/20/98 18:07:47 PST -- TONIGHT ON THE DRUDGE REPORT: CONTROVERSY SWIRLS AROUND TAPES OF FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN, AS STARR MOVES IN! ...
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Web Posted: 01/20/98 19:57:07 PST -- CONTROVERSY SWIRLS AROUND TAPES OF FORMER WHITE HOUSE INTERN, AS STARR MOVES IN!
**World Exclusive**
**Must Credit the DRUDGE REPORT**
Federal investigators are now in possession of intimate taped conversations of a former White House intern, age 23, discussing details of her alleged sexual relationship with President Clinton, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned.
The tapes were made by a federal employee who has been granted immunity. MORE
According to sources in and out of government, Whitewater independent counsel Kenneth Starr became involved in the situation when he received intelligence that senior administration officials may have offered federal jobs to a young woman in an effort to prevent stories from going public -- stories involving sexual episodes that allegedly occurred in a room off the Oval Office.
"Starr is not on the bimbo beat," one source close to the situation told the DRUDGE REPORT late Tuesday. "He's looking at a potential for obstruction of justice charges."
A breakfast meeting that took place at The Watergate Hotel has attracted the attention of investigators.
The development has completely consumed high-level Washington, with Starr's investigators working past midnight in recent days.
Developing...
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Web Posted: 01/20/98 22:09:23 PST -- WASH POST SCREAMS INTERN STORY!
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Web Posted: 01/21/98 11:32:53 PST -- ~~LEWINSKY NIGHTMARE CONTINUES~~ U.N. AMBASSADOR RICHARDSON OFFERED ME A JOB DURING BREAKFAST MEETING AT WATERGATE HOTEL, SHE SAID; INVESTIGATORS PROBE POSSIBILITY OF CLINTON DNA... MOVING SOON ON THE DRUDGE REPORT X X X X
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Web Posted: 01/21/98 12:56:27 PST -- WATERGATE 1998
**WORLD EXCLUSIVE**
**MUST CREDIT THE DRUDGE REPORT**
**CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS**
REPORT: LEWINSKY OFFERED U.N. JOB; INVESTIGATORS: DNA TRAIL MAY EXIST
U.N. AMBASSADOR RICHARDSON OFFERED ME A JOB DURING A BREAKFAST MEETING AT THE WATERGATE HOTEL -- WORDS WHITE HOUSE INTERN MONICA LEWINSKY, 24, ALLEGEDLY TOLD PENTAGON WORKER LINDA TRIPP LATE IN DECEMBER 1997.
THE OFFER CAME AS LEWINSKY WAS ASKING TO RETURN TO THE WHITE HOUSE, THE DRUDGE REPORT HAS LEARNED, UNHAPPY IN THE PENTAGON JOB SHE HELD -- A JOB THAT SHE STARTED IN APRIL 1996 AFTER BEING RELEASED FROM A WHITE HOUSE POSITION.
"THEY WANTED HER OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE DURING THE ELECTION," A SOURCE CLOSE TO THE INVESTIGATION TELLS THE DRUDGE REPORT.
AMBASSADOR RICHARDSON WAS NOT AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.
WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY MIKE MCCURRY OFFERED NOTHING WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE ALLEGED RICHARDSON JOB OFFER DURING WEDNESDAY'S PRESS BRIEFING.
SEPARATELY, THE DRUDGE REPORT HAS LEARNED, INVESTIGATORS HAVE BECOME CONVINCED THAT THERE MAY BE A DNA TRAIL THAT COULD CONFIRM PRESIDENT CLINTON'S SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT WITH LEWINSKY, A RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS CAPTURED IN LEWINSKY'S OWN VOICE ON AUDIO TAPE.
TRIPP HAS SHARED WITH INVESTIGATORS A CONVERSATION WHERE LEWINSKY ALLEGEDLY CONFIDED THAT SHE KEPT A GARMENT WITH CLINTON'S DRIED SEMEN ON IT -- A GARMENT SHE SAID SHE WOULD NEVER WASH!
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XXXXX DRUDGE REPORT EXCLUSIVE XXXXX SAT AUGUST 22, 1998 13:50:01 ET XXXXX
SHE HAD SEX WITH CIGAR: MEDIA STRUGGLES WITH SHOCKING NEW DETAILS OF WHITE HOUSE AFFAIR
**Warning: Contains Graphic Description**
In a bizarre daytime sex session, that occurred just off the Oval Office in the White House, President Clinton watched as intern Monica Lewinsky allegedly masturbated with his cigar.
It has been learned that several major news organizations have confirmed the shocking episode and are now struggling to find ways to report the full Monica Lewinsky/Bill Clinton grossout.
Media Bigfeet are trying to reconstruct one sex session that reportedly took place as Yasser Arafat waited in the Rose Garden for his scheduled meeting with the president!
According to multiple sources close to the case, President Clinton allegedly masturbated as Lewinsky performed the sex show with his cigar in a small room off the Oval Office. It is not clear if Clinton or Lewinsky kept the cigar, or if Lewinsky testified on the specifics of the encounter before a federal grand jury this week. Lewinsky's testimony has been described as graphic, and included unusual practices.
The DRUDGE REPORT has now been briefed on these shocking details that have stunned all those who have heard them and investigated them -- details that now threaten to completely disgust and stun the American electorate.
The White House refuses to comment on any DRUDGE REPORT.
Let's go back to fun stuff - remembering all that is just too dreary.
This might help, eating always helps.. :)Egg foo yong
Enjoy the taste of Chinese without ever having to leave home.
- 3 T flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 4 eggs well beaten
- 2 teaspoons minced onion, or finely sliced green onion
- 1 cup drained bean sprouts
- 1 cup diced chicken or turkey
Mix together and fry in oil. Serve with sauce below.
Sauce
- 1 teaspoon cornstarch
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 1 cup water
- 1 Tablespoon soy sauce
Simmer over heat for one minute, serve over egg foo yong.
41. Is that the stupidest look you've got?
BWAHAHAAA!
TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT - I AIN'T WORKIN' HERE NO MORE!!
I just WON THE $23 MILLION DOLLAR LOTTERY - Now TAKE THIS JOB AND . .
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