THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | June 6 2005 | Unknown

[carlo3b]

THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO  SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but  I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but  I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good  for you?
4. I see you've set  aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once  you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try  being smarter.
7. I'm out of my  mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here   I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English,  but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has  visited us again...
11. I like you. You  remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent  mistrust of strangers.
13. I  have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape  over your mouth.
15. I will  always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you  doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality  and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I?   Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm  not being rude, you're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job,  but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion  would be...?
23. Do I look like  a people person?
24. This isn't an  office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing &  still have most of it left.
26.  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you  leave?
28. Errors have been  made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going  for, you missed.
30. Wait!   Wait! I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell  without a door.
32 Can I trade  this job for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough  circuses.
34. Nice  perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work  here is done.
36. How do I set a  laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I  just wanted a salary.
38. Who  lit the fuse on your tampon?
39. Oh I get it... like humor...  but different.

40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed, gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.

[carlo3b]

I stole this from Stanz, and I think she is out of town so hehe she won't see me rip it offf. If she knew, there would be Hell to pay...LOLOL

[carlo3b]

I needed a comic break.. :)

[null and void]

Tic. Tic. Tic.

[Aracelis]

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

Actually, I've used this one...unfortunately my "victim" was too young and stupid to get the message.

[carlo3b]

Live a little.. life is much too short..</B}

[Liberal Classic]

<Cartman>"Screw you guys. I'm going home."</Cartman>

[carlo3b]

Yikes...Whats with the Tic, tic, tic.. do you know something???

[tubebender]

Any one of these would make a great Tag Line. Cheers Carlo...

[ladyinred]

This is just too great! Thanks so much for stealing it. Now I am gonna steal it! ::::::

[Keith in Iowa]

You think this will get nuked when the thread "REAGAN DIED: Booooo Hoooooooo" is still going?? If it does, the mods can officially be deemed insane.

[carlo3b]

You do and I'll tell Stanz it was you that did it first>>:)

[carlo3b]

Take you pick.. they are free.. Stanz is out of town.. :)

[Jorge]

This is funny. It was posted by our company coffee maker months ago.

However I love my job and have no desire to "say out loud at work" any of these things.

[B4Ranch]

ping

[BluH2o]

Old stuff ... except 35 thru 40 which is really bad ... but hey, it's the middle of the night and on FR anything goes.

[little jeremiah]

Thanks! I needed a laugh or two!

I like this one a LOT:

"25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left."

[jellybean]

HA!! Another one stolen from stanz!!...excuse the language

1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf**k you".
2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing".
3. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."
4. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
6. "Do I look like a people person?"
7. "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting."
8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."
9. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."
10. "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?"
11. "I'm not crazy, I've been in a bad mood for 30 years."
12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable".
15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."
16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
20. "Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
21. "Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done."
22. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
23. "You look like s**t. Is that the style now?"
24. "Earth is full. Go home."
25. "Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?"
26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
29. "If a**holes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport!

[TruthShallSetYouFree]

40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.

John Kerry?

[TheSpottedOwl]

Please don't consign this post to chat hell. We all need to laugh at something right now.

Having said that, big BUMP! Thank you for making us laugh :-)