Bond girls aren't easy (Britney can't meet the standard!)

Los Angeles Times ^ | April 20, 2004 | SAMANTHA BONAR

[1riot1ranger]

Bond girls aren't easy
By SAMANTHA BONAR
(c) 2004, Los Angeles Times

Britney, you are no Pussy Galore. Former Bond Girl Maryam d'Abo (Kara Milovy in 1987's The Living Daylights) with Timothy Dalton.

A recent Extra television report revealed that Britney Spears has had the gall to approach Barbara Broccoli, a producer of Bond films, with a view to becoming the next Bond Girl. .....

...A Bond Girl has sex appeal. Her allure stems from her classic beauty -- tall, lithesome, elegant. Ursula Andress (Honey Ryder) rose from the sea like a knife-wielding Aphrodite in 1962's Dr. No, the first of the Bond films. Another Dr. No Bond Girl, Sylvia Trench (played by Eunice Gayson), is described in the screenplay as "willowy, exquisitely gowned, with a classic, deceptively cold beauty." Britney, on the other hand, is already looking over-the-hill at 22. In fact, she'd look right at home in a trailer with three to five kids.....

[theDentist]

If she had gotten a role, what would be her name? Airie Delight? Plasty Rack? Easy Weddin? Paaris Plastered?

[NathanR]

That filly shore looks like she was rode hard and put away wet.

[missyme]

I thought her mom conceived Brittney after a couple KammaKazees at the loca disco? listening to the tune Funky Town by Lipps, after all it was 1981...

[kaylar]

Really ?!? That sounds promising...I had just started watching JL after being hooked channel surfing just a few weeks ago. It's a decent little show (though nothing will ever replace the first few seasons of Batman : The Animated Series IMO) and I'm glad it's not being deep sixed in favor of more 'ugly animation' crapfests.

[wardaddy]

Hey Dave.

Piss off.

Save yer Yankee preachiness for someone who cares....not me dog!

[GreatOne]

My wife would hate her. She had washboard abs when she got pregnant with our first, but afterwards, the stretch marks were/are so bad that her stomach looks like she's 80 years old, it's so wrinkly. We've had two more since, so that's not helping, and although she's 24 and will have time to lose the weight, she'll probably definitely need a tummy tuck.

[NYC Republican]

BUMP

[browsin]

Seeing as Hugh Jackman is lined up to be the next Bond,Halle Berry would do well to be chosen again.Those two have had pretty good chemistry in their past films together.I cant see Hugh/Britney working as well,she's just too young.

[browsin]

maybe Ashley Judd too.

[CyberCowboy777]

After three 9#+ babies even at 26 my wife is having trouble "unstreching" that tummy.

[x]

Ringo's wife and co-star in Caveman? Charlie Sheen's latest? Two of Rod Stewart's "special ladies"? Harry Hamlin's Sugar Momma? O.J.'s lover? The "rhinoceros" Matt Damon dumped on nationwide television? A disco singer with "interesting hair"? A Charlie's Angels replacement? The lady from PBS "Mystery"? A bit-player on "Dallas"? Robbie Benson's co-star in a weepy ice skating movie? They may be pretty girls or women, but there's enough second-raters here that Britney shouldn't have any trouble fitting in. Being a "Bond Girl" is as likely to be a plunge into obscurity or bit parts as a springboard to fame.

[GreatOne]

I used to watch Howard Stern's E! Channel show prior to getting married (before it became just a "lesbians in bathing suits" show and was actually funny). Several times he would make comments about women not having kids and having their bodies wrecked. I, not being knowledgeable about those sorts of things, had no clue what he was talking about. Now I (and you) do. I knew childbirth was hard, but I didn't realize that it takes about a year for most women's bodies to recover from a pregnancy.

[spatzie]

"Connery-Bond might have at least given the airhead a little education to better her future performances"

And what little airhead,(or older and wiser woman),wouldn't want to be educated by Connery-Bond?
I'd sign up for that class anytime.

[meowmeow]

Best Bond Girl: beautiful, smart, and a shrewd business woman.

[SauronOfMordor]

Yes. It is not just a "morals thing" with me. I look at it this way. If a girl will kiss another girl, then that means that I have to compete with females as well as males for the affections of women.

I think the attraction is the fantasy of "two for the price of one"

[SauronOfMordor]

At the range's training class, women are specificly told NOT to dress like that. As in, visualize hot brass going right where it would be very uncomfortable...

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

Ahhhh...Denise Richards. The Be-All and End-All of the human female form. There can be only one...and man, she is IT.

[SauronOfMordor]

Lucy Lawless. I cannot picture any other woman in the role of Wonder Woman.

Unfortunately, Lucy, at 36, is a little old for the role, for two reasons. First, the first WW film would need to be about her coming to the outside world from Paradise Island, which would make her early 20's. Second, they would want somebody young so they can make some sequels with her at 2-3 year intervals for as long as possible

[archy]

At the range's training class, women are specificly told NOT to dress like that. As in, visualize hot brass going right where it would be very uncomfortable...

The trick, William Potter, is in not minding that it hurts....

Peter O'Toole, as Lawrence of Arabia

[archy]

"Connery-Bond might have at least given the airhead a little education to better her future performances"

And what little airhead,(or older and wiser woman),wouldn't want to be educated by Connery-Bond?
I'd sign up for that class anytime.

And should you attend that course, we will not think the less of you for your education, little airhead.

But if you get that chance and take it, I hope you get the Connery you hope for from the Bond films, and not Draco from Dragonheart.

Draco: Who's the girl?
Bowen: A nuisance! Get rid of her!
Draco: Why?
Bowen: They're trying to placate you with a sacrifice!
Draco: Oh, now who ever gave them that bright idea?
Bowen: Never mind! Just get rid of her!
Draco: How?
Bowen: Eat her!
Draco: Oh, please. YUCK!
Bowen: Aren't we squeamish, you ate Sir Egglemore, hypocrite!
Draco: I merely chewed in self-defense, but I never swallowed.