Posted on 11/27/2012 9:00:34 AM PST by Gamecock
BROKEN ARROW, Okla. — Kerrie Jameson is confident she is going to heaven. What scares her is the possibility that she’ll show up 30 pounds overweight and stay that way forever.
“I work a desk job, and my physique reflects that,” says Jameson, 28, who used to work out daily but has fallen into bad eating habits. “I have this horrible image of myself standing before the throne looking like a lumpy sack of flour. Everyone else will be worshiping, and I’ll be slinking off to a corner to eat chocolate and console myself.”
The idea of being fat in heaven first occurred to her during a sermon on Jesus’ nail-scarred hands and feet. Jameson realized that some earthly attributes, including physical characteristics, follow us to the next life.
“Jesus still has wounds on his body,” Jameson says. “Doesn’t that tell us something? What if I die before I get my weight down? Will I be stuck like this always? Will I have to diet in heaven?”
Concerned, she brought it up at a recent women’s retreat, sparking a vigorous discussion during the afternoon meeting. Jameson said she dreaded the prospect of “wearing a plus-size robe for eternity” and was searching for any biblical evidence that people in heaven will have bodies that “represent their perfect selves.”
Her secret hope, applauded by many of the women, was that when she walks through the pearly gates the weight will “disappear” to be remembered no more.
“If overeating is a sin, and the effects of sin are completely wiped away in heaven, then people with weight issues should be in the clear,” she said.
Brianna Worthington, 27, a mom who is in marathon shape, openly disagreed.
“I haven’t worked this hard on my body only to have it taken away once I die,” she said to scattered boos. “Don’t our works follow us? Don’t we get rewarded for what we’ve done down here? Do I get nothing for keeping my temple in shape?”
She said it felt “unfair” that every saint would look instantly perfect in heaven, but she also didn’t want heaven to look like “every mall in the U.S. where half the people are so big they have a hard time moving around.”
Jenny, a substantially overweight church member who says she carries around enough extra pounds “to form another small human,” said she believed people in heaven will look almost exactly like they do here — and that “weight diversity” makes life interesting. She cited instances from the Bible where people appeared in their post-death forms and were still recognizable: the prophet Samuel, Moses, Elijah and, of course, Jesus himself.
“Some people are built fat and happy, and that makes the world fun,” said the longtime church organist. “I don’t want a heaven where everyone looks like a cover model.”
She said she looks forward to “zooming around heaven in a big, impressive body.”
Other women expressed concern about physical attributes such as tattoos and breast implants. There was a rough consensus that foreign substances like ink and silicone probably would not make the translation, but the verdict was out on plastic surgery and obesity.
Jameson found little comfort in the discussion and is starting a “salad and cucumbers” diet upon returning home. She prays God will give her enough time to hit her weight goal before exiting this life.
“Everything right now is about making sure I reach my preferred dress size in case I die suddenly,” she says. “I’m driving a lot more carefully now.” •
Probably best NOT to be privy to these details. :)
I don’t even want to think about this one....
http://www.foxnews.com/world/2012/11/27/belgian-man-finds-out-his-wife-1-years-was-born-man/?test=latestnews
Ah, I just noticed it wasn’t even your statement to right way right regarding being able to use it, and you were just interceding for kokoda to attack me.
You’re a real piece of work.
Twinkies, yes. Depends, no. :>)
With a punchline that starts, "Honey, you ..."
I can't think of one now, but in guy terms, 30 pounds is nothing.
Where is purgatory explained in the Bible? Thanks.
You're very perceptive. Yes I am. From the very start this article and topic gripped me. Lark News is a publication all theologians follow. They attack the issues others wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole, like "Will I be fat in Heaven". Or what happens if I step on a duck in heaven (I know MnDude posted it in #6 but I'm pretty sure Lark News had it before him). Or SnakeDoctors "Will there be steak in Heaven". I've been waiting for the 72 virgins in Heaven question that someone is sure they heard about in church but can't quite find it in the Bible . . yet. As the Head Deacon in the Royal Order of Ego-Centrist I deal with these things constantly and take them just as serious as I do Lindsay Lohan. Look for my articles in The Onion (The finest publication on the planet Earth).
In Genesis 9, Noah was given permission to eat meat. Before that, it was probably prohibited.
If you look to Revelation, it tells us that next to the River of Life, there will be trees growing fruit. Apparently this will give us all the nurishment we will need, and I am sure if you desire steak, the fruit will taste just like the best prime rib.
So, what about the 72 virgins? When do we get them? Are they virgins because they are extremely ugly? Or do they just run faster than their siblings? Why only 72? If they is an extra one or two just hanging around, can we get them, to? Or are we limited to only 72? What happens AFTER they are no longer virgins? Do they disappear? Are we stuck with them forever? Do they come with Mothers-in-Law?
Thank you for these questions. Yes thank you very much. As I have a backlog of important issues before me I must address them in the order in which I desire. And while you may think that you deserve a quick response it is important for you to bear in mind the mechanisms of the universe do not rotate around you in a concentric fashion. Think on these thoughts as you navel gaze at the piece of lint from a long lost sweater. Remember I will always cherish you but the duties of state require my most urgent attention.
It is not explained in the Bible, but, like the Trinity and Transubstantiation, it satisfies certain conundrums presented by Scripture.
Purgatory is not a place or a time, it is a process in which the final purification is accomplished because nothing unclean will enter the presence of God in heaven (Rev. 21:27). Every Evangelical or Protestant who professes to be cleansed by the Blood of Jesus acknowledges the purgation of their sins.
Peace be with you.
Waiting patiently for your response to my many questions. You done yet?
How about now?
Being in Jesus presence will be enough.
Satan knows the “downside” of making waves in heaven.
Heaven uses a punch-card system. You get handed the card (along with your wings, robe, halo, and harp) when you go through Processing, upon your entrance into Heaven. The punch card has 72 intact circles when you start, but don't forget that it has to last you for all eternity. Don't use them up in that first year!
But what about a “hanging chad”?
WOW! So you saying those 'in Christ' are deliberately misled?
Seems YOU are the one who has wake up first before you even touch the basics of Christianity.
Seems pride got the best of you and are quick to condemn!
Those deliberately misled are those who I don't cast pearls to!
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." Matt 7:6
Probably depends on how good the food is in heaven.
What do you mean ‘no’? Didn’t I say they didn’t recognize Jesus?
I don’t think Vanity works in Heaven. Some women are hopeless.
I am certain I misunderstood, then.
Uncharitably, I think a more important worry for her is whether or not one is still brick stupid in Heaven.
Or perhaps breathtakingly vain.
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