Posted on 06/26/2009 11:34:00 AM PDT by Alex Murphy
A new technological trend is sweeping across vast sections of our country. In particular, this trend can be found in the emerging/emergent church movement. TBNN has discovered that a growing number of these churches have taken a dogmatic stance on the scriptures. They claim to be ESV-Kindle-Only (EKO).
Christ the Redeemer Community Fellowship is currently the fastest growing church in the greater Phoenix, AZ area. It is also unashamedly ESV-Kindle-Only (EKO). David Hopper, lead pastor at Christ the Redeemer, told us, "When we began our church, our people were using all kinds of bibles. It was crazy. We couldn't even follow along when someone else was reading. That's when we decided to go ESV-only. We strongly believe the ESV is the actual word of God, free from any error. All other versions have problems because they have been corrupted."
Gene Carmer, pastor of small groups at Christ the Redeemer, told us, "We used the regular ESV for a while, but it was just taking too long for our people to find bible passages. It required them to know where the different books of the bible are located, etc. Additionally, regular book bibles are really bulky and a pain to carry around. That's when we decided to give Kindle a try. What happened was amazing! Our people were no longer stressed about how to find their way around the bible. They had full electronic access at their finger tips. This is clearly a far better option that the book version of the ESV. The Kindle is also far lighter, especially when compared to the ESV Study Bible."
While many people are happy with this situation (as shown by Christ the Redeemer's 350% growth rate over the past two years), not everyone is thrilled. Frank Jacobs loves his church, but does not like the Kindle. According to Frank, "I'm just not that technologically oriented. I like to bring my ESV book bible with me to church. Ever since the church went EKO, I have been getting stares and rude comments from people. Some church members who I thought were my friends now walk the other way when they see me. Last week was the worst when one young lady pointed at my (non-Kindle) bible and yelled, 'Why do you carry that counterfeit version? It was made by the Devil and belongs in Hell!' I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Now I'm hearing through the grapevine that the pastors are considering bringing church discipline against me and possibly denying me the Lord's Supper."
When we asked about Mr. Jacobs' situation, Pastor Hopper replied, "We in the emerging/emergent movement have been criticized for not saying what we really believe and for not taking a stand on important issues. Well, this is an important issue to us. We strongly believe that the ancient manuscript evidence shows that not only is the ESV the only valid bible version, but that the ESV-Kindle is what Paul would have wanted us to use. We will accept the persecution that comes with being ESV-Kindle-Only. We will not give in on this issue."
Gene Carmer, pastor of small groups at Christ the Redeemer, told us, "We used the regular ESV for a while, but it was just taking too long for our people to find bible passages. It required them to know where the different books of the bible are located, etc. Additionally, regular book bibles are really bulky and a pain to carry around.
I guess it would be too much to ask of the members to learn the books of the Bible. There used to be time when the church actually taught people.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Sadly, it’s probably all true...
Will those who carry their ESV Bibles on Kindle DXs be branded as heretics?
Team Tominthebox News Network® is a satirical online blog written by Tom Slawson, V. Carlos Slawson Jr., Eric Carpenter and Bill Harris. All names of people or places mentioned in stories are fictional, except when a public figure is being satirized
Satire is too close to reality these dayse.
This parody simply replaces KJV with EKO.
Ain’t that the truth!
You wrote:
“Will those who carry their ESV Bibles on Kindle DXs be branded as heretics?”
I have been eyeing the Kindle DX since it came out. I can’t afford it right now. I’m also hoping some of the kinks (for lack of a better word) will be worked out in a second edition in a year or two.
Me too. It's the first e-Book device that really appeals to me - well, except for the price :P When prices come down about 50% (or my discretionary income rises to meet it), I'll be seriously contemplating picking one up.
Me too. I wonder if it would allow me to really utilize it the way I want. I download a bunch of free (copyright long expired) books through google books. I would like to be able to upload these 100 year old books on a Kindle to carry around with me. That would be great. I could have a REAL library in a book bag!
I knew this had to be parody....
but on a serious note: why the ESV???
WORLD magazine just named it the book of the year?
Why?
Because it’s sold a million copies?
Why?
Why?
Doesn’t the English language world have enough translations?
What about the two or three Christian missions agencies that do Bible translations?
I think their work is FAR FAR more important than just another new English translation.
The ESV is a very good, often rather literal, translation. I like it. And I’m not even a Protestant.
IIRC, I've read that you can upload files (I don't know what file format) into the device, which then allows you to browse them like any other Kindle book, in theory. It's a big draw for me, too, as I have dozens of e-book files that I'd love to read on an eye-friendly device.
For me, the one big downside is that the Kindle is designed as a tablet. I would much prefer a folding device that has dual screens. Such a device folded shut would protect the screens when not in use, and when held open would be like reading a real book, i.e. I could see two pages at a time.
The tablet design, i.e. a single unprotected screen is the chief turn-off of every e-book device IMO, but I realize it's a tradeoff to keep costs down. Double the screens = double the price.
TBNN is known for it's Reformed-flavored humor. I suspect the ESV was chosen because the ESV is hugely popular among "New Calvinist" types, in no small part to Sproul's Reformation Study Bible.
Are your "verse of the day" devotions available on the Kindle?
I have tended to prefer the NASB, but I got into the ESV for the reason you cite-the Reformation Study Bible.
If I understand the Kindle correctly, it would be perfect for someone who wanted to collect out-of-copyright books. I understand they have a large collection of them themselves that users may download at no extra charge. Their value proposition is that most people want current writings, and that’s probably pretty accurate. But someone like you could REALLY take advantage of it.
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