Modest Dress at Mass [Church]

CatholicExchange.com ^ | 08-27-05 | Karen Lynn Ford

[Salvation]

by Karen Lynn Ford

Other Articles by Karen Lynn Ford

Modest Dress at Mass

08/27/05

		About 12 years ago a woman in her early twenties went to Disney World. She loved Mickey Mouse and couldn’t wait to see him in person. She had a youthful love of everything the Magical World of Disney promised.
In This Article... What I Wish I Had Known A Detraction and Distraction Stop Being So Mousy about It!

What I Wish I Had Known

Unfortunately, she also believed much of what she saw and learned in the “real world.” She thought that to get attention she needed to dress to impress — provocatively. To look good, or what she thought was good then, and to get a tan on her northern Ohio body in April, she entered the children’s fantasy-land in short shorts and a bikini bathing suit top. Thank God for the good sense of the Disney World employee who promptly told this young woman that she needed to wear a real shirt because Disney is a family park. She had a t-shirt and put it on, and felt pretty foolish.

That young woman, now 34-year-old me, grew up to regret the way she used to dress. As a mother of three with a fourth on the way, I now realize that modesty is not just beneficial to the girl or woman wearing the clothes. It benefits everyone who looks at her.

As a cradle Catholic, I experienced a deepening of my faith early in my marriage. I learned a lot that I wish I’d known, or listened to, while I was growing up. One of the most important things I have learned is that as a woman, it is my responsibility to protect myself as well as anyone who looks at me from the near occasion of sin. Many women or girls will say that it’s not their fault if a young man looks at her lustfully when she’s exposing twice as much flesh as she’s covering. St. Maria Goretti, on whose feast day my husband and I celebrate our anniversary, disagreed. When her childhood friend turned lustful and sought to violate her, she chose to die rather than lead Alessandro into sexual sin.

A Detraction and Distraction

The clothing styles available to our young women and teens today aren’t exactly helping us to dress modestly. Even many of the maternity styles are exposing much more chest and midriff than when I was pregnant with my first child. So some might justify what women are wearing these days by saying there aren’t any modest styles available in the department stores. Indeed, it takes a lot longer to shop for modest clothing, but there are some modest styles out there.

Obviously, I am not impressed with today’s syles, but where I find them most inappropriate and offensive is inside of church. When I was growing up, we didn’t wear jeans or shorts to Mass. We certainly didn’t wear micro-mini skirts and cropped shirts. It’s one thing to see bare-bellied girls walking about the mall or the park. But week after week I go to Mass and see as much flesh as I would expect to see at the beach — and this is on a 55-degree drizzly day in New England!

I watched as three young girls sang beautifully in the youth choir last weekend. Unfortunately, they probably don’t realize that the way they dressed actually detracted from rather than enhanced their natural beauty. They looked like Vegas showgirls as they circled a microphone shaking their barely-covered bottoms, three pews away from my eight-year-old son’s gaze.

The choir is a focal point of our children’s Mass. The music is up-beat and truly an occasion to praise God. Unfortunately, the view is distracting, not reverent.

My grandmother once told me that in the 1950s and '60s, pastors publicly chastised women who wore shorts on church property when they came to pick their children up from Catholic school. They were in the parking lot, mind you, not the sanctuary.

Stop Being So Mousy about It!

Today, a majority of priests seem to be so afraid to say anything that might “offend” anyone that people come to church in clothes more suited for mowing the lawn or a day at the beach than to receiving our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar. If Disney World can give a young woman a warning about her immodest dress, why won’t our church set some parameters for acceptable dress in the church? One shrine I have been to does have posted guidelines and makes robes available for Mass-goers who show up in shorts or inappropriate clothing. But this is the exception, not the rule.

Does our Lord care how we are attired?

Jesus again in reply spoke to them in parables, saying, "The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. He dispatched his servants to summon the invited guests to the feast, but they refused to come. A second time he sent other servants, saying, 'Tell those invited: "Behold, I have prepared my banquet, my calves and fattened cattle are killed, and everything is ready; come to the feast."' Some ignored the invitation and went away, one to his farm, another to his business. The rest laid hold of his servants, mistreated them, and killed them. The king was enraged and sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, 'The feast is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy to come. Go out, therefore, into the main roads and invite to the feast whomever you find.' The servants went out into the streets and gathered all they found, bad and good alike, and the hall was filled with guests.

But when the king came in to meet the guests he saw a man there not dressed in a wedding garment. He said to him, 'My friend, how is it that you came in here without a wedding garment?' But he was reduced to silence. Then the king said to his attendants, 'Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.'

Many are invited, but few are chosen." (Mt 22:1-7)

We are invited to the Eucharistic banquet every day, most especially Sundays. We do a grave disservice to our young people by not teaching them that though “you should not judge by appearances,” people do. Going to church in skimpy clothes shows disrespect for the people around you and for Jesus Christ, our Lord.

© Copyright 2005 Catholic Exchange


Karen Lynn Ford and her husband Michael have been married for nine years. They live in Western Massachusetts where they attend Holy Name Catholic Church. Karen and Michael are the parents of an 8, 6, and 4 year old, who recently welcomed their youngest sibling on August 15, the Feast of the Assumption. Karen is a Content Editor for Catholic Exchange.

[Salvation]

for the discussion of all.

[Salvation]

**the way they dressed actually detracted from rather than enhanced their natural beauty.**

So true!

[Salvation]

I know, I can hear people saying "It's what is on the inside that is important." While that is true a person's dress reflects what they think of themself (what is on the inside.)

What would Jesus say?

In the parable, the person is thrown out of the banquet because they are not dressed correctly.

[Salvation]

Catholic Discussion Ping!

Please notify me via FReepmail if you would like to be added to or taken off the Catholic Discussion Ping List.

[cyborg]

My mom would be mortified if I just wore jeans and a tee shirt to mass! LOL

[sassbox]

I've usually observed two main problems with dress at Mass - immodest dress and overly casual dress. The latter does not bother me as much; one never knows if the people showing up on Sunday morning in scuffed up jeans and t-shirts really can't afford anything better. I'll be teaching this semester for the first time and need to have a less casual wardrobe and am realizing just how pricey it can be to have a small set of dressy clothes. On the other hand I know some people that can afford nice clothing and do own such clothing but dress like slobs at Mass. Case in point was the dorm I lived in at Notre Dame. Every Sunday evening, there would be a Mass in the dorm chapel. Girls would usually spend all day Sunday wearing attractive and stylish clothing, nothing too fancy, but good khakis, twin sets, sweaters, etc. But come 10 pm, many of these girls changed out of their clothes and put on pajama bottoms and sweatshirts and went to Mass dressed like this. They also sat on the floor of the chapel, but that's another story. Anyhow it always amazed me because none of these girls would dress like that to meet with a professor or a date. Yet this is how they dressed to meet with Our Lord.

The worst though is clothing which is both sloppy and immodest. I really do not like the shorts that have writing across the butt. I've seen young women walking around with "Juicy" written on their butts and other classy phrases. Even when the phrase is more innocent like "Softball" or "Rutgers" it still is very immodest since the text draws everyone's attention right to the young lady's rear end. My husband and I were at an out of town parish last Sunday and a girl of about 14 in the pew in front of us had on such shorts. It wasn't obvious until the processional hymn when everyone stood up. Suddenly the first thing that caught my attention was "Soccer" on the girl's behind. The human eye is just naturally drawn towards text, especially in a place one wouldn't expect to see text. A momentary glance of a blossoming young woman's rear end was no great problem for me, but I imagine the two teenage guys a pew behind me took more "notice" of the sight.

[Salvation]

I haven't observed the writing on the behinds yet. Really bad taste.

Welcome to teaching. What grade will you be teaching and if in high school or college, what subjects?

May the Lord bless you.

I have a friend who is teaching for the first year this year and I think she has five dresses. And she is teaching at a Catholic School! I told her to check out Wal-Mart. If you shop carefully you can get nice stuff that would cost three times as much at Macy's or Nordstrom.

[GenXFreedomFighter]

I really do not like the shorts that have writing across the butt. I've seen young women walking around with "Juicy" written on their butts and other classy phrases.

Just the other day I saw a young family out for a walk. The young lady was pushing the baby stroller, and she had on a tight pair of shorts with writing across her bottom. Being a red-blooded guy, I looked, then averted my eyes so as not to leer at her. I couldn't imagine how the husband could let her wear that without saying something to her. Assuming, of course, they were married.

Point being, the text does draw attention, whether it's a teaser like 'Juicy' or 'Porn Star' or a simple set of State U initials. For that matter, I can't believe parents of middle and high school soccer players let their daughters wear that stuff.

[newgeezer]

Does our Lord care how we are attired?

Jesus again in reply spoke to them in parables, saying, "The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. ... But when the king came in to meet the guests he saw a man there not dressed in a wedding garment. He said to him, 'My friend, how is it that you came in here without a wedding garment?' But he was reduced to silence. Then the king said to his attendants, 'Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.'

Although the Bible does indeed instruct women to dress modestly (1 Tim 2:9), I have my doubts that the Lord intended the parable cited by Mrs. Ford to teach us that He cares about our attire.

[Salvation]

What do you think the main message of that parable is then?

[Salvation]

It could be interpreted that way though, correct?

[Knitting A Conundrum]

When going to Mass, we really ought to dress like we are expecting to meet someone worth it - after all, if you are Catholic, you know you are going to encounter Jesus at least in the Eucharist. Proper dress shows that we respect the person we are going to see - although that idea seems to have fallen by the wayside as of late.

You may not have rich elaborate clothes, or something to show off, but you certainly ought to dress neatly and cleanly, and in a way that shows your respect for God and your fellow man...Sometimes, Tshirt and jeans might be the best and neatest you have...and if they are modestly cut, they are better than some of the party clothes I have seen other people wear to church.

[Larry Lucido]

It could be interpreted that way though, correct?

I would respectfully say, no, because if it could be interpreted as a literal statement of dress policy then it wouldn't be a parable, it would be a statement of dress policy.

That, plus it would be inconsistent with Jesus' direct teachings on salvation that all excluded dress policies.

Most interpretations of the parable suggest that it is the garment of salvation that the guest refused to wear.

[Chickensoup]

In the parable, the person is thrown out of the banquet because they are not dressed correctly.

But I bet they were as modest as they could be.

[HitmanLV]

If Woody had gone right to the police, this never would have happened.

[sassbox]

I'll be TA'ing an Intro to Philosophy course. Thanks for the encouragement! I looked at Kohl's and TJ Max today but everything was clearance. I saw a few nice skirts but none were in my size. Might check out Target later this week.

[GraceCoolidge]

We have two boys and now are having a girl. One of the things that worries my husband and me is this exact problem. In fact, I've told my husband I'm not having any daughter of ours walking around with "Juicy" written on her rear end! To the extent I've looked at little girl's clothing lately, I am pretty startled by how sexual it can be even in toddler/baby clothes. That's supposed to be cute? I do think, though, that some manufacturers are starting to provide other options. I hope so; as it is, I foresee a lot of fashion battles ahead. I just hope if we start early and stay consistent, we can avoid a lot of strife.

[BIRDS]

Very worthwhile article, and thanks for sharing it.

I've seen this issue discussed elsewhere among Catholics so it is obviously somethig that affects both women AND men among Catholics...a lot of issues related.

I always wear relatively decent but what I'd regard as "normal" casual clothing but not of the sports kind. I USED to wear high heals, business suits, jewelry, all that but I find that it distracts ME from the purpose of the Mass and I feel more comfortable now in a "lower tone" female dress of a nice blouse, good shoes, but pressed slacks and little dressup otherwise. It also draws less attention to myself and that helps me feel more comfortable with why I'm at Mass in the first place.

I DO as do others notice females who appear to be more focused on their cosmetics and clothing and it is uncomfortable for many others that they do. About that, I have a story from my own experiences to share:

I lived in Hawaii a long time and was just two blocks from my parish, and didn't drive a car for most of my years there (could drive, but didn't own one, didn't need one 24/7 and rented them when other issues arose). For weekly Mass, I used my trusty mountain bike, which I rode around the two, three, four block neighborhood regularly for groceries, mail, local things (good exercise, a very small town, rural area with constant hot temperatures, and a bike provided excellent exercise, plus I enjoyed it for local use and so, relied on it to get around the few blocks daily).

The parish was just two blocks from my house on the coast and so I'd ride my mountain bike to and from so as to make it often to Mass and not have to rely on others for a once-every-few-months-pickup as to transportation. Also, two blocks away seemed too close to ask for someone to give me a ride and the bike was so easy to use and the distance so short, so why not use the bike...

That was my reasoning, seemed harmless to me. BUT, only problem is riding a mountain bike: you HAVE to wear pants (but roll up the legs) OR wear shorts, but otherwise, you HAVE to wear sneakers (can't wear fine shoes and ride a mountain bike safely).

But, I'd wear very good sports clothes (it WAS Hawaii and it WAS always about ninety degrees outside with 99% humidity so shorts were not unusual nor inappropriate there). 10" long shorts legs, long sleeved polo shirts, my hair pulled into a pony tail for the bike ride with the bike helmet, nice and tidy overall but necessary to get to and from the church on my bike.

If not that, then I'd hardly ever get to Mass, given that the two block walk in the heat was very difficult.

Anyway, I'd arrive, remove my bike helmet to my backpack, brush my hair and go to Mass.

There were/are many Polynesian women who dress with a LOT of facial makeup, wear very high heels, lots of hair with big buns on top, etc., just very, very much overdressed to my view, and to many others anywhere except in Hawaii.

As I was, I guess, UNDERdressed to their view in Hawaii, given my far more casual appearance (due to the bike, not due to any other reason).

BUT, there was a lot of discomfort evident by most of those women about me showing up in decent, clean but to my needs appropriate sports clothing.

It was an unfortunate aspect to this entire issue of what women "should" wear to Church.

I have many wonderful and nice clothing, nice jewelry, all that "status" stuff but it seemed that my choices in that loation in Hawaii was to either get to Mass as I did on the mountain bike or not to attend. I could not wear earrings and heels (or even nicer flats) and ride a mountain bike, is my point, and since you have to wear a helmet when you bike, I had to put my long hair into a ponytail to accommodate the helmet.

Anyway, it became an issue so uncomfortable for me that I stopped attending. Eventually, many months later, I began to resent feeling "lesser than" and decided that God preferred me at Mass, receiving Communion, more than He cared whether I wore high heels and a a lot of makeup and fancy things TO Mass. What was important was that I attended and got to and from Mass safely.

So, I decided I was going to remain impervious to anyone who gave me rude looks, refused to respond to a smile or a hand offered, because I was wearing nice sports clothes to Mass with (nice) sports shoes instead of dressing up otherwise.

Same thing applies for other areas of rugged or extreme climates, by the way. You can't wear nice shoes anywhere in the Rocky Mountains at higher elevations most of the year and boots are literally necessary. Sometimes people have to extend a certain allowance to others and knock off the cosmetic and social pretenses about what is 'acceptable' and what isn't.

To my view, the overdressed, highly madeup, ornately hairdone'd and tightly dressed females at that parish in HI were offensive at Mass. I just mean, there is a place for modesty...

[afraidfortherepublic]

But if you check out Nordstrom's sale racks and are selective in your purchases, you can get great classic pieces at low prices that will last for 10 years, or more. Since I don't have a Norstrom's nearby any more (and I don't like their mail order because the sizes vary), my closet is now filled with Pendletons -- most of them five years old, or older. It's called "investment dressing."

Pendleton mail order is dependable. The fit is always the same. Their seasonless wool gabardine is good both summer and winter and looks like new after a trip to the dry cleaners. For slacks, seasonless wool gabardine lasts much longer than any cotton, or synthetic, fabric on the market and always looks nice. Figure the price of the garment on the number of times you can wear it and still feel good about it and you will find that your navy blue gabardine slacks from Pendleton are worth $138 -- compared to the $79 you might pay at Macy's for a blend, or the $45 you pay at Wal-mart for a synthetic that will barely last a season! Besides, Pendleton dyes (colors) are constant, year to year. So, the blazer you budget for next year will match the slacks you bought this year. The blues, blacks, camels, ivories, and reds are always the same so you can match pieces from season to season. What's more, you didn't have to waste time and gas money trying to find a new pair of navy blue slacks that fit properly and would still match the blues in you closet at home that you bought last year!

I have Pendleton plaid shirts that my husband wore in high school and both sons wore in high school 25 years later! They'd still be good, except that the youngest son threw them in the washing machine when he was away at college. I still have them in a trunk -- saving them to incorporate the fabric into a quilt someday!

Oh, yes. I agree with this article on dressing nice for church. Last night I saw baggy basketball shorts, short shorts, mottos on butts, women wearing shorts who shouldn't be seen wearing shorts in public, sassy slogans on t-shirts that don't belong in church, etc. At least there were no tube tops last night. Perhaps it is because Mass was followed by a blessing service for the elderly and the chronically ill, and we had mostly an older crowd -- LOL.

[afraidfortherepublic]

See #19.