Real Catholics, Warts and All

by Heidi Hess Saxton

Other Articles by Heidi Hess Saxton

05/19/05

In 1988, contemporary recording artist John Fischer launched his bestseller Real Christians (Don’t) Dance, an unabashed manifesto of those who refuse to put form ahead of substance, and charity above all.


After ten years spent in various Catholic parishes and groups, I’ve discovered that much of what Fischer says about Evangelical Protestants applies equally as well to Catholics: There are Pharisees on both sides of the great ecclesial divide, who (as Jesus observed) are excruciatingly attentive to detail, yet never think to welcome the stranger in the next pew. “Woe to you Pharisees!... For you load men with burdens hard to bear, and you yourselves do not touch the burdens with one of your fingers” (Lk 12:42-46). In the great dance of the liturgy, for every hundred Catholics just trying to get their families through the hour without resorting to violence, one or two scribble notes for their weekly “watchdog” letter to the bishop: So-and-so botched a line here. Thus-and-such hymn, clearly labeled “Christmas,” was used during Advent. Worst of all, the priest continues to encourage his flock to hold hands during the “Our Father.” (They, of course, observe “proper form”: pointedly ignoring any outstretched hand and scowling at anyone who tries to touch them before the “sign of peace.”) Some time ago I overheard a popular apologist sneeringly denounce anyone who thinks evangelization involves “being nice to people.” In his mind, it seems, the true evangelist is one who has the last word, wins the most points in a doctrinal verbal sparring match, or “goes in for the kill” against his (usually Protestant) opponent. Isn’t that what Jesus said: “Thus will all men know you are my disciples: If you can wrestle an estranged brother to the ground, hog-tie him, and drag him into the Church.” No, I guess not. Ironically, as I made my way to the fullness of the faith, it was not professional apologists or “serious” Catholics who gave me the warmest welcome (though they did produce the bulk of tapes and books that provided my initial faith formation). No, my “family of faith” album includes: • A chain-smoking, martini-swilling mother of one high-school friend, who could never articulate her faith to my satisfaction. However, when a car accident put me in the hospital me for over a month, she figured out how to give me a bed bath and wash my hair. “I know what it feels like not to be able to touch my toes,” she told me. “Love one another, Jesus said — isn’t that what it’s all about?” • A college friend, whom I met at a frat party just before I flunked out of engineering school. Three years later, when I went on a mission trip to Senegal, she was one of my most faithful supporters. (Initially my conscience prickled over accepting money from someone who “still needed to be saved,” but pragmatism won out.) Janice continued to correspond with me, and showed admirable grace when I confessed that I had once considered her an “unbeliever.” • A young man who treated me with greater respect and courtesy than any of my previous “real Christian” beaus. When he proposed marriage, I refused him: I didn’t want to be “unequally yoked” with a Catholic. • My second RCIA sponsor (the first one quit because I asked too many questions) is an enthusiastic advocate for women’s ordination. We have spirited discussions about points of Church teaching (with me taking the “conservative” position). However, I will always owe her a special debt of gratitude: At the time I most needed someone to walk with me, she welcomed me into her family. In a visit to Mexico in 1999, the Holy Father proclaimed the nature of the “new evangelization” to which all Catholics are called, a task requiring not only a clear head, but a compassionate heart: The new evangelization will be a seed of hope for the new millennium if you, today's Catholics, make the effort to transmit to future generations the precious legacy of human and Christian values which have given meaning to your life…. It is your role to ensure that the new generations receive a sound Christian formation during their intellectual and cultural training, to prevent the powerful progress from closing them to the transcendent. Lastly, always present yourselves as tireless promoters of dialogue and peace in the face of the predominance of might over right, and of indifference to the tragedies of hunger and disease afflicting large numbers of the population. And so, I’d like to offer a few observations, for whatever they are worth, about the “Real Catholics” I’ve come to know and love. • Real Catholics may not know where a particular verse is found, but they know where to find the Body and Blood of the Lord, to strengthen and sustain them. • Real Catholics may not know how to pray a Rosary unaided, but they can be counted upon to bring over a meal to a bedridden neighbor. • Real Catholics may resort to Cheerios and sippy cups for their toddlers at Mass, but their prayers for patience are indisputably sincere. • Real Catholics may not win every Thanksgiving Day debate with their zealous brother-in-law, but are confident that the answers are there for the finding. • Real Catholics occasionally grumble when Mass gets a bit long, and occasionally miss the first reading, but they know that, no matter how crazy life gets, that hour gives them what they need to get through the rest of the week. • Real Catholics don’t always remember to genuflect toward the tabernacle when they enter the church, but they live each day humbly trying to embody the Gospel message for those who will never read the Book. Lord, give me patience with the snippy, compassion toward the needy, and charity toward all. In my journey toward the heavenly Kingdom, let me never forget how far You had to go to get me on the right path. Amen. © Copyright 2005 Catholic Exchange Raised in the Evangelical Protestant tradition, Heidi Saxton was confirmed Catholic in 1993. She is the author of With Mary in Prayer (Loyola) and is a graduate student (theology) at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, Michigan. You may contact Heidi at hsaxton@christianword.com.

no one can really judge

Who is judging? I said sentimentality does not equal charity, I didn't say that they were mutually exclusive.

or the invitations to greet those sitting around you before Mass that I've seen at some churches.

Forcing people to socialize and touch one another at Mass does not build a genuine sense of community and it is very awkward. We're at Mass to worship and commune with Christ. Church social functions and school events are the appropriate places for getting to know one another. The fact that these awkward maneuvers result in odd situations where some people do not want to shake hands or engage in the banter of social introductions is all the more reason why they should not be forced on people at Mass. Mass is not the place where people should be tested on their Emily Post etiquette and social skills. It's very silly.

**They were the "auditors" at Mass, watching like hawks for the slightest imperfections on the part of the priest and other parishoners. They loved to get into fights about apologetics, they loved to call others heretics, apostates, sinners, etc. Privately, few of these folks were very nice; most were insufferable. Self-righteous, condescending, greedy, misogynistic, combative, and above all ARROGANt.**

You speak so much truth here.

**It certainly is. We have chairs for overflow which often still aren't enough.**

This happens at two out of our four Masses each weekend. Sometimes even three of the four. It's amazing what an orthodox priest does for a community!

Because it's usually the nitpickers who are nowhere to be found when the parish picnic is being organized, or the sick need to be visited by someone who has a little time to spend with these lonely souls.

That is a patently false statement. The Catholics who even notice the nits are the ones who take the Faith to heart. They're the volunteers in St. Vincent De Paul, the Altar Society, laboring in the soup kitchens, visiting the sick, teaching the children, etc., etc., etc..

The kumbaya catholics are too wrapped up in themselves and their feelings.

The Catholics who even notice the nits are the ones who take the Faith to heart. They're the volunteers in St. Vincent De Paul, the Altar Society, laboring in the soup kitchens, visiting the sick, teaching the children, etc., etc., etc..

Not in my experience. But, your experience may differ.

Perhaps. Or maybe the "nitpickers" choose to do their works of charity secretly, to avoid receiving accolades from men and the temptation to take pride in those good works because everyone knows how much they do and praises them for it. Maybe they don't volunteer for the church picnic because they don't want their name in the bulletin for it, (or worse) read at mass for everyone to applaud.

Or maybe the "nitpickers" choose to do their works of charity secretly, to avoid receiving accolades from men and the temptation to take pride in those good works because everyone knows how much they do and praises them for it. Maybe they don't volunteer for the church picnic because they don't want their name in the bulletin for it, (or worse) read at mass for everyone to applaud.

Or maybe they think their nitpicking is their service to the Church.

But, it's just as well. Pains-in-the-ass in one area are usually pains-in-the-ass in every other area as well.

But, it's just as well. Pains-in-the-ass in one area are usually pains-in-the-ass in every other area as well.

Why, what charitable words you use, deacon. I'm surprised that your example of charity has not inspired them to be more charitable.

A concern for liturgical propriety doesn't really exist in tension with the authentic virtue of charity. My unwillingness to grab a stranger's hand at the Our Father has nothing to do with "not liking them" or "not being a nice person" and everything to do with wanting to obey liturgical law as constituted by the Church -- and wanting to encourage others to do so as well.Agreed and yet it is probably something to be spoken of first to the Priest and then spoken of around the Parish. Refusing to take a new persons hand could put them off of coming to church. Rules etc are needed and they should be adhered to and they have their place for being debated. This does not excuse us for being unloving.

Blessings,

Mel

1.) You assume it is in some way unloving to take someone's hand.

2.) If you're not holding hands with the person on your right, I doubt the one on the left who's new will be offended if you don't hold hands with him.

3.) If you think there is something wrong with holding hands, going straight to the pastor and not to the person themselves would violate the rules for dealing with a brother who has sinned against you.

I'm a little late to this party (had to work late last night), but you put into words what my own experience was.

All that touchy-feely stuff, just doesn't feel right. I belong to a parish now where the church is big enough that you don't need to sit near anyone of you don't want to and most of the parishoners are more inerested in praying and being with God than socializing and the tourists just don't get that.

I also think that the attitude we carry during our everyday interactions is just as important as going out of the way to volunteer and help others in a direct way. I work with people who claim to be Catholic, but their actions definitely don't match that claim. And that's a little strange when you work for a 501c3.

"Forcing people to socialize and touch one another at Mass does not build a genuine sense of community and it is very awkward."

I have to agree with you,Howling. My daughter attended Catholic University and at her first Mass as a freshman, the priest instructed the students to hug the person next to them. The person next to her was a male whom she didn't know and it made her very uncomfortable. She never went back to a student Mass.

Because it's usually the nitpickers who are nowhere to be found when the parish picnic is being organized, or the sick need to be...

Seems far more likely to me that nitpickers aren't volunteering for parish activities because they're not happy with the parish.

I say this because if we were a handholding, hug of peace parish, not only would I not volunteer to run the parish picnic, I'd run the other way if I saw a fellow parishioner in the park.

I went to one student Mass while my daughter was at Boston College. I was horrified. It seemed like the handholding Our Father, and not the consecration, was the high point.

Afterwards I told the priest his Mass ought to come with a warning label on the door.

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