(St. Paul rending his garments, by Raphael)
Where's a good lightning bolt when you REALLY need one?
Posted on 06/23/2004 7:55:02 AM PDT by maryz
London Times article, complete with excerpts from the new 'translation' posted as #40 in this thread.
This seems like something from the Onion. This *has* to be satire... "Rocky"? "Maggie"?
Unless he was tricked into writing the foreward without reading this trashy so-called Bible, it seems that the Archibishop of Canterbury may have sold out to the dark side - and I don't mean The Simpsons.
As many have already pointed out, this is so extreme as to be a caricature of itself.
In other words, it lacks Satan's customary subtlety.
The 20th century was supposed to be Satan's. It's over. I suspect Satan may be lashing out in desperation as he feels his power waning.
Interesting you mention Satan...because this 'Bible' doesn't. Jesus isn't tempted by Satan in this heresy. The temptation thoughts just pop into His head. Here's an excerpt:
"Jesus felt he needed to spend some time in the desert to be clear in his mind which direction his life should take. (2) He went without food for about six weeks. By then he was near to starvation. (3) The thought came to him, "If I am God's Chosen One, all I need to do is to order these stones to become bread." Then he remembered some words from the old books, "People cannot live just on bread. They need God's words as well." (5) Then he had another idea. He saw in his mind's eye the temple in Jerusalem. (6) "Perhaps if I were to jump off the highest point I could prove I come from God? It should work like the song,
"God has friends who only wait
To lift you when you fall;
Soft your feet will touch the ground
Without a scratch at all."
(7) But then Jesus thought again of some other words from the old books, "You must not push God too far." (8) Then his mind formed another picture. This time he seemed to be looking down from a very high mountain on all the countries of the world. (9) Jesus thought, "All this could easily be mine. All I have to do is to be cunning and gain the support of the right people." Jesus quickly dismissed these ideas. He thought "These are the ways of evil. The old books tell us the only one we should try to please is God.
(11) Then Jesus felt at peace. Some of God's helpers arrived to look after him. "
There's no Satan and no angels and guess what else. Jesus goes around preaching about the New World Order. Doesn't that explain everything about this 'Bible'.
"(17) It was then Jesus started to say to people, "Turn your backs on wrongdoing. The New World is on its way!"
The laughable excerpts are from:
http://one.gn.apc.org/Translation.htm#Matthew
Forgot to also mention the female-gender Holy Spirit at Jesus' baptism took the form of a pigeon. Good thing it didn't poop on Him in this version.
" 16) After Jesus had been dipped in the river and was climbing up the bank, there was a sudden gap in the clouds and he experienced the coming of God's Spirit. She was like a pigeon flying down and perching on him. A voice from overhead was heard to say, "This is the one I love and I'm delighted with him."
I don't know whether to laugh or rend my garments or what.
This is just unbelievable.
It's also some of the worst writing I've ever seen. This stuff should be entered in the Bullwer-Lytton contest, it's grand-prize material.
You have to see this.
Someone made an acute comment on another site that it was the Monty Python version of the Bible.
Demons are trying to re-write the bible.
(St. Paul rending his garments, by Raphael)
Where's a good lightning bolt when you REALLY need one?
Sounds like some liberal democrats we know...
Where's the part about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?
Yeah, I think I might have gotten it slightly backwards... Maybe it was the argument was that the use of the masculine in Hebrew did not imply necessarily male, and they wanted to use gender-neutral English words (i.e., "one who...") rather than masculine words ("He who...") but decided the English was acceptably gender-neutral, even if modernists don't get that "He" doesn't necessarily mean masculine, either.
Something like that. Point is the bible stays politically incorrect.
A pigeon? A frickin' pigeon? What, is "dove" too difficult a vocabulary word? Do they release "peace pigeons" at the Olympics now (right, bad example... the animal-rights wierdos have'm releasing paper birds.)?
No, the Holy Spirit descends like a bird of peace, not a frickin' ratbird.
Actually, on one level, I do like the thoughts popping into his head like that. That IS how Satan works. If we only understood that our bad ideas were Satan speaking to us, we would recognize him much more easily.
Yep. The new breviary has Dag Hammerskald in it, why not this?
True. But the Bible, as we know it, says Satan is an actual spiritual being. It implies he was there with Jesus (Matt 4:3) - or that's always been my interpretation. And their 'Bible' version of the Temptation is really rather mundane and boring tripe.
"(7) But then Jesus thought again of some other words from the old books, "You must not push God too far." (8) Then his mind formed another picture. This time he seemed to be looking down from a very high mountain on all the countries of the world. (9) Jesus thought, "All this could easily be mine. All I have to do is to be cunning and gain the support of the right people." Jesus quickly dismissed these ideas. He thought "These are the ways of evil. The old books tell us the only one we should try to please is God. "
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