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New Testament translation: Thou shalt have sex
Boston Herald (print edition)
| June 23, 2004
| Unattributed
Posted on 06/23/2004 7:55:02 AM PDT by maryz
click here to read article
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To: hellinahandcart
not Bulwer-Lytton... the prose is too spare.
if there is a Bad Hemingway Pastiche contest, then this howler'd be a shoe-in.
81
posted on
06/24/2004 1:01:00 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(the difference between "trained intellect" and "indoctrinated intellectual" is an Abyssal gulf)
To: nosofar
or transgenderize him.
just you wait for it - it'll come to pass.
82
posted on
06/24/2004 1:05:59 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(the difference between "trained intellect" and "indoctrinated intellectual" is an Abyssal gulf)
To: ahadams2
I second that motion.
but... we'll have to redact the text, changing all "Jesus" references to "Brian"
83
posted on
06/24/2004 1:07:16 PM PDT
by
King Prout
(the difference between "trained intellect" and "indoctrinated intellectual" is an Abyssal gulf)
To: plushaye
So if they removed Satan completely from Jesus' forty days in the desert, then what did they do to Chapters 1 and 2 of Job, where Satan has, uh, a bit of a role?
"And God was talking to some of his helpers, and Satan strolled in. God said, 'Lucifer, 'sup? Where you been, dawg?"
"And Satan replied, "Y'know. Just chillin'.'"
"God said, 'You seen my man Job? He's hardcore. Nobody like him.'"
"Satan replied, 'Feh. You let me at him, and he'll be hatin' on you in no time, yo.'"
Bleah.
}:-)4
84
posted on
06/24/2004 1:30:24 PM PDT
by
Moose4
(Yes, it's just an excuse for me to post more pictures of my cats. Deal with it.)
To: King Prout
No, not really. It just seems like someone let all the lunatics loose and made them "spiritual leaders".
85
posted on
06/24/2004 1:58:15 PM PDT
by
redgolum
To: ahadams2
I'm considering it the "New Revised Heretical Version" myself...
Don't want to soil the name of Monty Python by associating them with this trash...
86
posted on
06/24/2004 5:32:58 PM PDT
by
stands2reason
(Everyone's a self-made man -- but only the successful are willing to admit it.)
To: Moose4
I really like your version of Job. I like vernacular Bible versions provided they're done well. I have a Scottish vernacular gospel and I've read about another in Australian slang ('Strine'). They're cute, and a little tongue-in-cheek. Not offensive really.
On the other hand, this book version is so offensive it's sickening.
87
posted on
06/24/2004 7:28:59 PM PDT
by
plushaye
To: Foxfire4
88
posted on
06/24/2004 7:55:01 PM PDT
by
Moose4
(Yes, it's just an excuse for me to post more pictures of my cats. Deal with it.)
To: dangus
What will stop this translation from getting introduced into Parish CCD classes, into RCIA, into parish Bible studies?
Absolutely nothing.
This translation will become the standard among liberals, followers of Rowman Williams, Vatican III agitators and the spirit of Vatican II heretics.
89
posted on
06/25/2004 8:00:33 AM PDT
by
Pio
To: dsc
Thanks for the laugh, dsc! ("And, don't forget to tip the waitstaff on your way out!")
I'm revisiting this thread to see if this new "bible" has been declared a hoax. Guess not....but the joke was great!
90
posted on
07/05/2004 9:37:28 PM PDT
by
hummingbird
("If it wasn't for the insomnia, I could have gotten some sleep!")
To: dsc
The whole point of the thing is that she was accusing Peter of associating with a bad guy, isn't it?
"Perzactly!" If Jesus was perceived as a hero in this passage, Apostles wouldn't be scattering like h-e-c-k to get away from the situation. Are we sure this isn't an urban legend...this "translation" thing? Has the Archbishop made any commentary since these 3 articles have come out?
91
posted on
07/05/2004 9:42:52 PM PDT
by
hummingbird
("If it wasn't for the insomnia, I could have gotten some sleep!")
To: Corin Stormhands
"Give us Barry" worked at the 1964 Republican convention.
To: maryz
Please procreate, we need future parishioners?
To: mlmr
This information first made the circuit months ago. It's not a joke. It's a symptom of the apostasy that happens when you try to run a church with leaders that don't believe the church's teachings.
94
posted on
10/09/2005 5:49:26 AM PDT
by
Knitting A Conundrum
(Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly With God Micah 6:8)
To: EvaClement
I am reminded of a passage from the book of Revelations, (a book of the Bible which was intentionally left out of this translation, while including the gnostic gospel of Thomas):
For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing; not knowing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, that you may be rich, and white garments to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, that you may see.
Revelation 3:17, 18
95
posted on
10/09/2005 5:56:51 AM PDT
by
Knitting A Conundrum
(Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly With God Micah 6:8)
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