Posted on 06/23/2004 7:55:02 AM PDT by maryz
LONDON The Archbishop of Canterbury has given his personal backing to a new translation of the New Testament in which Christians are told to go out and have more sex.
St. Pauls condemnations of homosexual sodomy are deleted.
Instead of censuring fornicators, adulterers and abusers of themselves with mankind, the new version of his first letter to Corinthians has St. Paul advising Christians not to go without sex for too long in case they get frustrated.
The translation appears to contradict the authorized King James version which, in a passage in I Corinthians, often used to back the celibacy requirement in the Roman Catholic priesthood, quotes St. Paul saying, It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
But in the new version, he says, My advice is for everyone to have a regular partner. Husbands and wives should strive to meet each others sexual needs. . . . Its not good to refuse a partner.
The new version was translated by John Henson, a member of a network of radical Christians that favors inclusive language in the Bible.
His translation also changes the original Greek and Hebrew nomenclature into modern nicknames. St. Peter becomes Rocky, Mary Magdalen becomes Maggie, Aaron becomes Ron, Andronicus becomes Andy and Barabbas becomes Barry.
In other passages, Henson renders demon possession as mental illness and Son of Man, the phrase used frequently to refer to Jesus, as the Complete Person.
Times of London
not Bulwer-Lytton... the prose is too spare.
if there is a Bad Hemingway Pastiche contest, then this howler'd be a shoe-in.
or transgenderize him.
just you wait for it - it'll come to pass.
I second that motion.
but... we'll have to redact the text, changing all "Jesus" references to "Brian"
So if they removed Satan completely from Jesus' forty days in the desert, then what did they do to Chapters 1 and 2 of Job, where Satan has, uh, a bit of a role?
"And God was talking to some of his helpers, and Satan strolled in. God said, 'Lucifer, 'sup? Where you been, dawg?"
"And Satan replied, "Y'know. Just chillin'.'"
"God said, 'You seen my man Job? He's hardcore. Nobody like him.'"
"Satan replied, 'Feh. You let me at him, and he'll be hatin' on you in no time, yo.'"
Bleah.
}:-)4
I'm considering it the "New Revised Heretical Version" myself...
Don't want to soil the name of Monty Python by associating them with this trash...
I really like your version of Job. I like vernacular Bible versions provided they're done well. I have a Scottish vernacular gospel and I've read about another in Australian slang ('Strine'). They're cute, and a little tongue-in-cheek. Not offensive really.
On the other hand, this book version is so offensive it's sickening.
Ping.
}:-)4
What will stop this translation from getting introduced into Parish CCD classes, into RCIA, into parish Bible studies?
Absolutely nothing.
This translation will become the standard among liberals, followers of Rowman Williams, Vatican III agitators and the spirit of Vatican II heretics.
"Give us Barry" worked at the 1964 Republican convention.
This information first made the circuit months ago. It's not a joke. It's a symptom of the apostasy that happens when you try to run a church with leaders that don't believe the church's teachings.
I am reminded of a passage from the book of Revelations, (a book of the Bible which was intentionally left out of this translation, while including the gnostic gospel of Thomas):
For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing; not knowing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. Therefore I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, that you may be rich, and white garments to clothe you and to keep the shame of your nakedness from being seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, that you may see.
Revelation 3:17, 18
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