Man Dying of Child Support Enforcement

Mens News Daily ^ | May 30, 2003 | Roger F. Gay

[Michael Barnes]

Oh you fool! Don't ya know? Women are supposed to be empowered, yet victims in the same breath! Go back and re-read your male-bashing 101 agian..

;-)

[sweetliberty]

Sounds to me like you think the man has no choice. He is ruled by his hormones and therefore cannot make a choice. That is BS. It may not be an easy choice, but if a man wants to avoid responsibility for unwanted children then he needs to make the choice to keep it in his pants. And the best part, it is 100% fool proof.

[buccaneer81]

You need an adjustment- an attitude adjustment. Go back on over to DU and the NOW Nazis.

[garbanzo]

But the woman has more choices than the man - that's what all the feminists tell us at least. If women want choice ("our bodies, our choice" sound familiar?) then with it comes responsibility.

[dozer7]

"sounds like any man, any where, who for whatever reason, is separated from a woman with his kid...is a deadbeat.

lots of manhaters on the board today. bitter and vicious bloodsucking leeches. i hope they all end up miserable as they have tried to
manipulate a no-work life for themselves in this country."

I can add nothing you have said it well. Thankyou

best regards

the dozer

[sweetliberty]

Again, you are allowing the man to abandon any responsibility for his sexual behavior. And the NOW hag feminazis do NOT speak for most women. They certainly do not speak for me and never did. And male or female the choices are made BEFORE there is a baby.

[YankeeReb]

You do know that non-custodial 'Moms' are about 5 times more likely to be deadbeats than non-custodial 'Dads'.

Ohhh Yeah!!! Aint that the truth!! Try getting support out of her when she was originally given custody, then a few years later decides to shack up with some loser. Now the kids are in the way, so what's does she do? Gives the kids to the father to raise. Trouble is, the divorce decree still has her as the custodial parent. Now the father not only has to reopen the case, but then get the court to make her pay child support. Good luck with that one.

[ChemistCat]

it isn't always up to the groom whether or not he stays married to the bride.

If he picked carefully, and prayed to know he was choosing the right woman, this wouldn't happen. Divorce starts with the wrong engagement. If you buy a rattlesnake and try to treat it like a cat, you will be bitten.

But people want to be free to marry outside their faith, to marry for lust, or just to copulate with anybody drunk enough to go home with them. That freedom has a cost.

The same goes the other way. Quit calling me a male-basher. All fertile persons have a sacred obligation to the children they might have, to choose the other parent with all due care. I do however believe since men have the most to lose, financially, they ought to be more careful than they are.

[YankeeReb]

I see no redeeming qualities in such a "man".

And what about a woman who does the same thing? Why are the family courts so quick to hunt the fathers down, but deadbeat "moms" get off pretty much scott free?

[dozer7]

"Again, you are allowing the man to abandon any responsibility for his sexual behavior."

My babe reel it in. Get a grip. The only responsible person is the Man. If you as woman are with out responsibility for your behaviour are you a good role model for a child or do you just wish to manage this miracle of creation as just a profit center. If I have read this wrong please help me through this difficult situation. Both parties can choose to keep it zipped. If your premis is true mine as a Male is the greater responsibilty. If so then as the more responsible partner allow me to take on the greater responsibility. Visit two weekends a month maybe once during the week and send me your money. I promise I won't get my nails done with your child support.

best regards

the dozer

[Dark Knight]

>> Sounds to me like you think the man has no choice. He is ruled by his hormones and therefore cannot make a choice. That is BS. It may not be an easy choice, but if a man wants to avoid responsibility for unwanted children then he needs to make the choice to keep it in his pants. And the best part, it is 100% fool proof.<<

So here is the real test. If the woman committed fraud and just named the man to be the father, should he still be responsible for the child ad infinitem? Even through divorce and wife's remarriage to biological father?

30% of the children are not parented by the father they think they are. Only the women involved can perpetrate that fraud. Who should pay then?

Dk

There are women and men both that are evil and vile (anagrams). We need to take a step back and look at what we are doing. The least effective way of controlling a person is governmental. The most effective is personal.

The circles are expanded, according to the person and each level is progressively less powerful.

Personal
Close ties, family and close friends
Organisations church, cirle of friends, etc.
Local government
Federal Government
International fantasy governments

[Go Gordon]

Time after time in this society, people hold big heavy buckets of liquid manure over their heads and pour it out on top of themselves, and then whine that gravity did it to them.

Agreed. However, there are women (since my experience is as a guy) that will act a certain way pre-marriage, then act differently post-marriage. It works the other as well, as I saw my mother's second husband go from charming charlie to hitler. But I married someone with two kids from a previous marriage, who are both now out of the house and on there own. I do however, have her father living with me, and has been since we were married.

In my instance, the wife is a totally different person than the one I married. We've been married for 17 years, and my son (biological) is 15. I've basically hung in there the last few years for his sake. I have a great relationship with him, but not her. I've been weighing whether or not to leave, but for my son's sake, I've stayed. What is a guy to do. Its not financial, because the courts can do whatever the hell they want to me financially, but its the impact on my son that matters most. In fact, I'm in the middle of writing the little wife a note, explaining what I'm feeling because she just won't have a civilized discussion of where things are, and what lies ahead. In my head, its an easy decision - bolt. I'd be so much more happier starting a new life, regardless of how it turned out. But I did make a commitment when we got married "to death do us part" (Petterson notwithstanding).

So, I'm 43 and looking at being miserable the rest of my life under the current situation. She is not likely to change, since her life seems to have put me 3rd on life's priority list (behind her previous kids and her father). What's a guy to do? Since I'm not quite finished putting my thoughts on paper, I'll take any sage advice any Freeper wants to give.

In the meantime, I've struggled with what to do, as my biological time on earth dwindles as every day passes....

[sweetliberty]

I absolutely do NOT believe it is all the man's responsibility. Read my post #37. What I was challenging was garbanzo's premise that it is all the woman's responsibility. It takes 2 to make a baby, and both have a choice. In the event that both make a bad choice then the responsibility, likewise, falls to BOTH of them.

[sweetliberty]

There are absolutely women who are deceptive, although that is getting to be pretty hard to pull off in this age of DNA testing for paternity. And they are absolutely wrong to deceive, and NO, a man should not have to be responsible for another man's child unless he chooses to be.

[YankeeReb]

Employees at the Middlesex County Child Support Department had refused to help weeks earlier after his employer had missed a child support payment and miscalculated another.

From first hand experience with these people this is a common thing. They'll screw up the process, after it's withheld from the guy's paycheck. Then, when the ex-wife calls them and complains, they come after him, hell bent on collecting money that's already been garnished from his pay. A very similar situation happened to me, when I called the Agency the response I got was "It's YOUR responsibility to see that your ex-wife gets paid on time." Never mind the fact that the money is garnished and sent to her before I even see it. A few years later I went to get a car loan, I found out they put "failure to pay child support" on my credit report. Loads of fun straightening that one out.

[gitmo]

Looks like she joined to get into the chiropractor thread. Lots of long posts there.

[cardinal4]

My point to her there was not all of us are deadbeat dads. Some of us even pay our child support! To hear her tell it and others on this thread, anyone who has had their childs life dictated to them by a family court judge is a low life loser who deserves what he gets.

[ChemistCat]

You can hang in there 3 more years. That's all I would say you owe anyone. Get your son started in life, then get your own back. But you do owe him that; you already know that, obviously.

[sweetliberty]

"They are nothing but DNA donors and don't deserve the love of a child..."

Amen to that!

[chiromommy]

Hey, we're all shaped by our experiences. My experience with this issue overrides any of my political leanings, which happen to be predominantly in line with Free Republic (Christian, Pro-Bush, Pro-life, proud to be part of the radical right-wing conspiracy). I never expected to find this type of discussion on here... Personally, I define a deadbeat as any parent who physically, emotionally, or financially has no regard for their children. So all of this talk about money is only part of the problem. I agree totally with those that say this issue can only be solved in the home, marry the right person, etc., but what about abuse, abandonment, etc? Raising kids alone is not easy -- that's why God made our gametes haploid!!!

Rant begins:
I guess I get my dander up when I hear all of this "poor dads" stuff with no mention of what the moms go through raising these kids on their own, with no money and no help. Those parents who have to pay the other parent AND raise the children are the ones who have really been screwed. It's real easy to sit at the computer and judge others when you haven't been there. OK, so maybe I'm a little bitter about being a single mom divorced from an abuser who pays 10% of his income in child support, but buys a new house, truck and camper?? And, despite being an abuser, still gets significant time to torment my children? There are lots and lots of good dads out there, I just don't happen to know more than a couple! But I do know a lot of divorced moms who have issues like mine, with no help from the court.
Rant over.

I've heard the stories about people who abuse the system, or were screwed by the system, but isn't that the problem with government intervention in our lives in any case?? Nobody wins, life's not fair, the children are the ones who suffer. I suppose I agree with everyone out there whose real problem is with the Family Court system, who can't seem to see past the end of their benches. Or should it be the lawmakers, whose codes and rules the judges follow? So much bitterness, so many targets, and no solutions in sight...