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Time after time in this society, people hold big heavy buckets of liquid manure over their heads and pour it out on top of themselves, and then whine that gravity did it to them.

Agreed. However, there are women (since my experience is as a guy) that will act a certain way pre-marriage, then act differently post-marriage. It works the other as well, as I saw my mother's second husband go from charming charlie to hitler. But I married someone with two kids from a previous marriage, who are both now out of the house and on there own. I do however, have her father living with me, and has been since we were married.

In my instance, the wife is a totally different person than the one I married. We've been married for 17 years, and my son (biological) is 15. I've basically hung in there the last few years for his sake. I have a great relationship with him, but not her. I've been weighing whether or not to leave, but for my son's sake, I've stayed. What is a guy to do. Its not financial, because the courts can do whatever the hell they want to me financially, but its the impact on my son that matters most. In fact, I'm in the middle of writing the little wife a note, explaining what I'm feeling because she just won't have a civilized discussion of where things are, and what lies ahead. In my head, its an easy decision - bolt. I'd be so much more happier starting a new life, regardless of how it turned out. But I did make a commitment when we got married "to death do us part" (Petterson notwithstanding).

So, I'm 43 and looking at being miserable the rest of my life under the current situation. She is not likely to change, since her life seems to have put me 3rd on life's priority list (behind her previous kids and her father). What's a guy to do? Since I'm not quite finished putting my thoughts on paper, I'll take any sage advice any Freeper wants to give.

In the meantime, I've struggled with what to do, as my biological time on earth dwindles as every day passes....

You can hang in there 3 more years. That's all I would say you owe anyone. Get your son started in life, then get your own back. But you do owe him that; you already know that, obviously.

I'm a year older than you, never married. I'm a recently retired Navy Officer, who thanks his stars every day that I did not settle down. If you are open to advice, I would first advise that you NOT write your wife a note. I have watched a few men do this, only to have it returned with Divorce filing papers when we were out at sea and there was nothing they could do about it.

If you want to eventually have a life, you are going to have to wait until your soby any mond 21 years of age to do so. You must avoid the courts by any means nessesary, except of course killing your wife. What you need to do, is mentally divorce yourself from the situation and do NOTHING to exascerbate things.

I would strongly suggest you take up Golf, or something that can keep you out of the house for long periods of time. Avoid sex with your wife, as it can be used against you in ways you cannot even imagine. Believe me; after living half of my life on Carriers, I have heard everything.

Even if your wife were to have an affair, you can do nothing. Just separate yourself mentally, and bide your time, until your son is gone from the home. Alimony is much more reasonable with grown, independant children, even if your wife doesn't work.

Women are not stupid; you cannot do anything that a lawyer could use against you down the road. Play a role of loving husband and father, dont complain about anything. Once you get into the court system, you can kiss your ass goodbye; even if you think it's worth it. Nothing is sadder than seeing a tough fighter jock reduced to tears in the ready room upon reading that his wife's boyfriend has moved into his home, and he has nowhere to come back to.

Keep the conversation to a minimum, smile, and wait a few years to make your move. With a minor child in your home, your wife can legally make the rest of your life a living hell. Good luck.

In my instance, the wife is a totally different person than the one I married. We've been married for 17 years, and my son (biological) is 15. I've basically hung in there the last few years for his sake. I have a great relationship with him, but not her. I've been weighing whether or not to leave, but for my son's sake, I've stayed. ... So, I'm 43 and looking at being miserable the rest of my life under the current situation.

Your son is 15. On his 18th birthday, you and he move out, and file for divorce. No child support, since he's an adult living with you. You'll be 46, which is not that old. Hang in there!

In fact, I'm in the middle of writing the little wife a note, explaining what I'm feeling because she just won't have a civilized discussion of where things are, and what lies ahead.

It is not my business, but why do you want to write anything at this moment? What do you expect to achieve?

In my instance, the wife is a totally different person than the one I married. We've been married for 17 years, and my son (biological) is 15. I've basically hung in there the last few years for his sake. I have a great relationship with him, but not her. I've been weighing whether or not to leave, but for my son's sake, I've stayed. What is a guy to do. Its not financial, because the courts can do whatever the hell they want to me financially, but its the impact on my son that matters most...But I did make a commitment when we got married "to death do us part" (Petterson notwithstanding).

This was my exact situation. My children were/all that mattered. So I stayed through the emotional affairs and the marriage counseling. In the end, she admitted that if weren't for the fact that she would get custody, she wouldn't have bailed on the marriage. My children are devastated, particularly my 11y/o daughter. We are soul-mates.

All I can tell you is, hang in there, brother. Divorce sucks. With kids, it's awful. However, your son can request to live with you. Get a good attorney. Don't be swayed by big ads in the yellow pages. Go to Martindale Hubbell online and look for one that specializes in divorce/custody.

Let me offer you a little hypocritical advice: Say this to yourself over and over again: "Life and Love are not about me and what I want and what makes be happy". I say hypocritical because I have a selfish attitude all the time and nothing makes more unhappy than thinking about all the things I think I'm giving up and all the things I think I'll never get, and especially the simple things that I think I deserve but don't really need. Never be guided by your emotions, they are too fickle, that's what liberals do. Satisfaction is something you have to resolve between God and yourself, don't count on other people. The next time you catch yourself being happy, make sure you thank Almighty God. A lot of people are with you and feel the same way. But who really cares??? In 100 years or so, nobody who'll be here is even going to remember our names.

I've been thinking about your situation and I think you've gotten very good advice here. You will not be sorry if you can do it. It might be useful to read survivor stories, like books about being POWs and such. Someone can imprison your body but can't imprison your spirit unless you let her. If you had an 8 year old instead of a 15 year old, you'd be in for a lot more suffering.

Don't give up on women, though. In three years, you can find happiness, and maybe give the same to some woman who finally got free from a monster, too. Helpmeets are out there. Don't settle for less on the second time around, but don't think you have to do without either.