'Honey, You Repel Me': Advice For Couples in a Sexless Marriage

Wall Street Journal ^ | Thursday, May 15, 2003 | SUE SHELLENBARGER

[WaveThatFlag]

A few times in my 12 years writing this column, I've stumbled on a topic so unsettling to readers that it demanded a follow-up. Last month was one of those times, when my story on the problems of dual-income, no-sex marriages drew a torrent of e-mail that read as if I'd jabbed an open wound.

[dark_lord]

On the other hand, it can be argued that the purpose of sex is for procreation. If you are not trying to have kids, then by definition you are a pervert. (Pardon me whilst I don my asbestos armor. Okay...done. Flame away.)

[Registered]

I feel dangerous, I'll give it a bump!

"Her idea of foreplay is me taking out the trash and doing the dishes while keeping the kids entertained."

I get lots of foreplay. LOL.

[laurav]

This is just sad ... everyone trying to win the rat race and no time for each other. Both partners should cut back on the hours at work.

[laurav]

If men understood how sexy it is to help with housework without being asked, to change diapers, to call babysitters, to play with the kids ... they'd do more of it.

[TheBigB]

Comedian John Mendoza: "I once dated a gal who said that foreplay should last 90 minutes. I said, 'Ninety minutes? Does that include the drive over?'"

[Registered]

I'm incredibly sexy then!

[papertyger]

"Her idea of foreplay is me taking out the trash and doing the dishes while keeping the kids entertained."

That's nothing. What about when her idea of foreplay is a two and a half hour swedish massage?

[justshutupandtakeit]

That is the purpose with animals, not humans, otherwise there would be cycles of fertility like in animals. Women don't go into "heat" like female animals.

God made us different for recreation not merely creation.

[Temple Drake]

hey-- that's MY idea of foreplay -- but I will settle for 45 minutes if I don't have to keep nudging the masseur awake! The rewards are worth it!

[Cicero]

Numerous studies have shown that observant Jews, loyal Catholics, and church-going Protestants who avoid extramarital affairs and have traditional values have more and better sex than postmodernist yuppies and swingers.

I would agree. If you honor marriage and family and use sex with love and mutuality as it was meant to be used, things work out better.

I notice that this writer does not recommend pornography, and I agree. That would only make matters worse: more unnatural, dehumanized, self-centered, and mechanical.

[taxed2death]

....consequently, if women know how sexy it was to saaaaaaaaaaaaay......install stage three injectors and a pyrometer in a Dodge Turbodiesel, they'd get more too........

[Aliska]

Aside from the other things mentioned, too many couples tend to pick someone based on lust which seldom lasts. I think maybe there is a deeper love that lasts that passes most couples by.

[William McKinley]

If women acted as if they actually considered that sexy, I am sure men would catch on.

"Will you rub my back, I am so tired" is not a way to demonstrate that you found earlier actions 'sexy'.

[Registered]

"I think maybe there is a deeper love that lasts that passes most couples by"

It is FReeper looove.

[6323cd]

That thing got a hemi in it??? :>)

[Grando Calrissian]

All women need to know that quickest way to turn off a guy is to say these 5 words:

"What are you thinking about?"

[dirtboy]

I think maybe there is a deeper love that lasts that passes most couples by.

Like beer and Cheez-Its?

[banjo joe]

Here's a great line from a local tire retailer: "take care of your customer or someone else will".

Repeat often. At your peril, of course.

[ItsOurTimeNow]

This is just sad ... everyone trying to win the rat race and no time for each other. Both partners should cut back on the hours at work.

I agree wholeheartedly.

Vanity destroys everything.