*Groan*
a.cricket
Posted on 11/13/2002 2:02:19 PM PST by Rodney King
By SAM HAYES
MELOS, Greece — The missing arms of the Venus de Milo were discovered last week in a cellar in Southern Croatia — and it turns out she’s got hideous man-hands!
“We rushed the arms to the Louvre in Paris and matched them up to the statue. They were a perfect fit,” says art historian Ovidio Bartoli.
“Then we did some carbon-dating and we confirmed that these are the real deal.”
Word of the discovery has created an uproar in the art world.
“It’s hard to believe someone so talented in anatomy would have such trouble keeping the fingers in proportion,” notes Campbell Hauser, the archaeologist who discovered the statue’s freakish limbs. “Instead of looking like the hands of a goddess, they look like those of a plumber!”
Art critics and historians are up in arms over this shocking find. Debate rages over whether or not the missing limbs should be restored. Leading the argument against restoration is art historian Ovidio Bartoli of the Ludvian Museum of National Art.
“The misshapen appendages are an abomination,” declares Bartoli. “I’m certain the artist removed the arms himself after he saw how they came out. He knew he would have a beautiful sculpture, if not for those awful ham- hands.”
On the other side of the debate is art critic Guisseppi Vesper, who says, “These arms are a historical find, one that should be fully restored.”
Bartoli disagrees. “Restoring this work of art to its original form would be a travesty. It would be like filling in the crack in the Liberty Bell.”
No one knows who sculpted the Venus de Milo, or exactly when it was carved. It was found by a peasant on an Aegean island in a basement.
Over the years, art advisors have proposed adding arms holding apples, lamps and clothes and even arms that pointed in different directions.
But France’s King Louis VIII decided that the Venus de Milo was perfect just the way she was.
An executive board at the Louvre will decide their fate next week.
Vesper calls it an insult to the memory of the artist to not reattach the arms to the statue. “I am confident this is what he would’ve wanted,” the art critic says.
He adds, “When it comes time to fight this battle in court, I will have a team of lawyers by my side. I will not face this challenge un-armed . . . and neither should the Venus de Milo.”
*Groan*
a.cricket
Let's notify Bill Clinton. He'll try to date anything....
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Wish I could find a picture of the arms and hands. How were they posed, anyone know?
This is so much funnier because I got pinged to it from the "Art ping".
Internet? You could buy the WWN at discerning grocery stores since *long* before the Internet got big.
My personal all-time favorite headline:
"Four-Year Study Reveals: UFOs are Piloted by Angels from God!"
Somebody took Venus Williams' arms off????!!! And hid them in Croatia?!
Obviously you need to take this story with a large grain of salt. However, I was in Florence last summer and saw Michalangelo's David. I was struck by how large and apparently out of proportion the hands seemed. Is this something common in Classical and Rennaissance sculpture?
They thumbed a ride? ;)
"The missing arms of the Venus de Milo were discovered last week in a cellar in Southern Croatia "
A Croatian arms cache.
Hi RP, I thought that WWN's humor was pretty much confined to silly paste ups and stuff, but this article is really funny and even witty.
Are you bringing in to Art History class? Don't forget to post pics of the arms if you find them ;-)
Were the hands holding a Bud Light?
Michelangelo's exquisite "Pietà" is quite out of realistic proportion as well. Compare the size of Christ to Mary.
This is a joke.
Were they holding empty bottles of Budweiser?
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