Hijackers Suprised to Find Selves In Hell

The Onion ^ | 09/26/2001 | The Onion

[sockmonkey]

I think we all needed a laugh, and the Onion did a wonderful job of giving us one. The Counterpoint on Point/counterpoint had me nearly in tears.
Click here

[boycott]

Arabs are easily enticed by Islam because of the high rates of illiteracy. They cannot read so they are brainwashed into believeing this bs.

Salmon Rushdie was right.

[1John]

Laughing? Yeah, well, I generally laugh at Onion stuff. But then I had to stop and wonder why I found the torment of those ugly and twisted souls so amusing - so, well, absolutely satisfying. I'll think about that for a while.......

I'd recommend going to the article on Talking to your child...... Suddenly I learned something - somebody at The Onion has done his homework.

[pgobrien]

Thank you Onion...for an imaginative and colorful scenario.

[SES1066]

The gates of Hell better swing wide open ...

Nah, those poor damned souls have to go through the keyhole, nose to a**, just like the rest of hell's inductees. When there is a big crowd, they have to do it in pairs or more. Wonderful article, thanks Trapped!

[gargoyle]

...As always, great satire! The "Masters"!!! Long live the "Onion"

[libsrscum]

May all the terrorists find their virgins to be absolutely insatiatable! And carbon copies of Madeline Albright and Janet Reno!

That'll teach 'em!

[dep]

surprisingly, the one about life turning into a bad jerry bruckheimer movie actually turned out to be pretty touching. the first time the onion has produced a tear around here.

dep

[Dan Day]

I particularly liked the article God Angrily Clarifies "Don't Kill" Rule.

This one's remarkably poignant as well (not to mention enormously funny): American Life Turns Into Bad Jerry Bruckheimer Movie

Excerpt:

All the familiar action-movie elements were there: terrorists taking over a plane, panicked crowds, huge fireball explosions, Secret Service agents ushering the president to a secret underground military base in Nebraska to plan the next move. A news report revealed that the terrorists had planned to strike Air Force One. At any moment, it seemed a squadron of alien warships would materialize and begin to menace Jeff Goldblum.

[Travis McGee]

Wicked Bump!

[Travis McGee]

BTTT!

[nunya bidness]

Thanks.

[headsonpikes]

Thanks for the post !

[Lent]

LOL!Good onion bump.

[ArcLight]

The cartoon about the firemen...damn. Now I'm crying again...

[gonzo]

I wonder why nobody ever mentions circumsizing these bastards, and feeding the foreskins to pigs?

That's a three-part-special - They can't get into Heaven over the partial-dick thing, the pig-stuff adds horrible news, and now, they're Jewish!

I gotta get some sleep....FRegards

[HiTech RedNeck]

Well even the Bible says that the smoke of the torment of the damned rises up day and night in the sight of the blessed... it's very well and good to hope that in the last split second before impact Jesus appeared to them "POOF" and in a miraculous dilatation of time they repented, believed, and were saved, but my money says that's not very likely....

[HiTech RedNeck]

I looked at it... it's a little better than the peacenik, nice-religion bent of much of the rest of the Onion. A little....

[HiTech RedNeck]

Your child will likely ask why bin Laden is so angry at the U.S. Explain to him or her that much of his anger is rooted in the fact that, during the Gulf War, the U.S. stationed troops in Saudi Arabia, the nation that is home to the Islamic holy cities of Mecca and Medina. Bin Laden was further angered by America's post-Gulf War efforts to oust Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein by imposing an embargo against his nation.

Kind of a value-free relativistic explanation here...

[HP8753]

What good are 67 virgin camels????....:-)