Hijackers Suprised to Find Selves In Hell

The Onion ^ | 09/26/2001 | The Onion

[riley1992]

ROTFL. I love The Onion. The only write ups I know that are as warped as I am.

[Don Myers]

And not a virgin in sight....bummer.....

[hobbes1]

Not so....All the women here are chaste and as pure as the driven snow....

[Iwo Jima]

"do the virgins revirginate...?"

Ah, now that's the question. There is so much left unstated. Having learned about the need to parse language from our former president Bill Clinton, let's examine the possibilities.

1) It's not a different set of virgins for each Jihader. No, they "share" the same set of "recycled" virgins. We would have a different term for a "recycled" virgin, but the term "virgin" is technically correct because each is a "native" virgin in that each was born virgin.

2) There is a reason why they are still virgins. No one ever said how old they are, what they look like, or even their sex! Someone mentioned "virgin camels." Could be.

Now, this outcome is most deceptive and constitutes a definite failure of consideration. But how are you going to get justice in hell? And if by some chance you don't wind up in hell, how are you going to find yourself a good lawyer?

[Mark17]

Yep, it never fails. Satan is the master of deception...and he lied to them.

Yes, this is true. The article may be a bit of a spoof, but, it is true, these dirt bags are surely in Hell, awaiting their consignment to the lake of fire, as mentioned in the book of Revalation. There won't be a whole lot of celebrating for them in that awful place, and no honey eyed virgins, either.

[patent]

LOL. Nice humor break. I liked the line "But to endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun." LOL.

[GretchenEE]

Enjoyed your response at #85. =)

[Iwo Jima]

Thank you. I used your comments as the "muse" for my creative efforts.

[Jefferson Adams]

YES!!!

[Don Myers]

"Not so....All the women here are chaste and as pure as the driven snow.... "

Row, row, row your boat gently up the stream, ,merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream....

[chantal7]

Not to mention sales of his company's Iridium Satelite Phones.

[chantal7]

"Salmon Rushdie was right."

Hey!!!! Do you know how long it took me to get that repetitious and insane ditty out of my head??

Jeeeze!!

"If you want to live, first you have to die." From Satanic Verses by Salmon Rushdie. (Actually, I should say paraphrased since I read the book years ago and might have it a tad off.)

grrrrrrrr

j/k ;P