[Cronos]

Society is really decaying. I think I probably bought a beer for a woman about twice, but in both cases the explicit idea was a conversation - may be it would turn into a date in the future, but I made it very clear that to a Catholic like me, sleeping around before marriage was not something I would do.

I think it makes it easier for everyone - why not just relax in a person's company. Everything doesn't have to be about sex.

I think this is a real decay in society's morals

[Bartholomew Roberts]

Wow! I’ve bought “beers” for women in bars for years! And never thought twice about it.

To me, it has been basically an equivalent to holding a door open for a woman. Nothing more.

Boy, all the missed opportunities!!!!!

[John O]

The article left me somewhat confused.

Does she not understand that almost every man talking to almost any women has at least some small part of his mind thinking of sex? That doesn’t mean that she owes him anything for the beer but we are all here because our fathers (and mothers) at least one time were thinking of sex. It’s what makes the world go round.

Then she goes on about the “Pound Me Too” (#metoo) movement which seems like a horrible name for an anti-sexual harassment campaign.

And of course she relates that last story where the guy didn’t ask for her number. If he HAD asked would he suddenly be a violent pervert who needed to be socially ostracized? Or would he still be a nice guy who just wanted to build a relationship with her?

Feminists are so very confusing. I don’t THEY even know what they want!

[anton]

All I can say is that the pinball machine segment of the Accused might be the best 15 minutes on film.

[Lmo56]

This woman is so full of herself.

In college, I worked as a commercial landscaper. Government contract, big fields to be mowed. Really dirty,dusty work. And, tiring.

One day after work, my co-workers and I stopped in at the nearest hole-in-the-wall bar. A gorgeous brunette walked in and I asked her if I could buy her a drink. She said, “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that line?” Without batting an eye, I said, “F*ck you, buy your own drink!”

She went home with me that night - true story.

[IronJack]

She understood all that from one interaction with a greaseball in an admittedly seedy bowling alley in New Jersey?

I would call that an unwarranted extrapolation of evidence. Otherwise known as pasture putty.

[nonliberal]

If a woman asks you to buy her a drink, your only response should be “No, but you can buy me one.”

[HartleyMBaldwin]

“...when I was twenty-four and in graduate school at Portland State University...”

Well, Kira, there’s a lot of your problem right there.

[pinkandgreenmom]

What? No picture of the author in this thread?

[50sDad]

My teenage daughter knows not to take drinks from a stranger, like she knew not to take candy from one. Men have “negotiated affection” since the dawn of time, and women have caged free drinks for as long. DON’T ACCEPT FREE DRINKS. STAY OUT OF DIVES. If you are a scared little bunny, don’t hang around wolves. It is unfair and unrealistic to blame wolves for being wolves if you insist on going INTO their den and basting yourself with marinade. Get and learn how to safely use a pistol. I am sorry that the modern age has so rejected and belittled chivalry that you can no longer find it, it what did you expect would happen?

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Just another “men bad, women good* straw man.

[Nea Wood]

It’s wonderful to hear a man say something like that.

[VanShuyten]

The original article was in Oregon Humanities. Author’s photo included, as well as a few incisive comments.

https://oregonhumanities.org/rll/magazine/owe-spring-2018/its-just-a-beer-kira-smith/

“Kira Smith is a social worker, activist, graduate student, and writer from Boalsburg, Pennsylvania, who moved to Portland in 2014 to pursue her graduate studies in geography. While Kira primarily writes about and researches environmental issues in Oregon, she also writes about feminism and politics.”

[Yaelle]

I have two thoughts after reading that.

First, of course she felt uncomfortable putting herself into the #metoo fight. She had a normal life and got hit on. Once or twice the guy physically pursued her or got a little violent. But she wasn’t harassed by her boss as a condition of employ. She wasn’t raped. She wasn’t abused as a minor by an adult. So she had more of a normal life. #metoo is for women who really were abused sexually.

Second, is this my clue how some men enjoy rape? Because there sure are a lot of stories of men clearly wanting to have sex with someone they meet who doesn’t want them. How is it a turn on to fornicate with the truly unwilling? I know how wardaddy feels about this, but why are there so many men who still can enjoy sex with the unwilling? What is desirable about that? Yeah, you can feel powerful like a cat with a mouse. But how do you get literally turned on by it? I find that difference between men and women quite unsettling.

[Mr Rogers]

“but in both cases the explicit idea was a conversation - may be it would turn into a date in the future”

When I was in college (Utah, 70s), a beer was just a beer. If one wanted to buy sex, he’d have to travel to Nevada...

[Ancesthntr]

So that’s all that I had to do, buy a hottie a beer or two, and its off to the horizontal polka? Sheesh, no one told me that when I got my Man Card back in the day. If only I’d known....

/s for any snowflake feminazis out there.

[Mr.Unique]

What I learned that day is that attention from unfamiliar men is implicitly transactional, and a failure to pay the price can result in some traumatic consequence.

From one experience with one man, she learned about ALL men?

[Pollster1]

Until I read the full article, I was imagining a woman who looked warm and who thus got approached often in a club. Her picture surprised me, although perhaps it should not have. Back when I was single, if I had talked to her in a bar it would have been because I wanted a hiking buddy - and because I didn't notice the thing in her eyebrow where she had an accident with a stapler. I never dated in the hopes of having a series of patriarchy/feminism debates, and I cannot imagine any reason beyond a desire for frequent and intense arguments to express interest in her.

[ratzoe]

Interesting comment to Kira's article

Hi Kira, I am an anthropologist. When I started working in the big city of Portland I decided to conduct my own social experiment. I would smile and say hello and wait for the person's reaction. I can say a lot more about that 3 year experiment (homeless people are the nicest group as a whole, nearly every black man returned my salutation) but here is what I found in relation to women like you: When I would smile and say hello to a white woman 99.9% of the time I got the same reaction I would expect if I actually propositioned her: horror, disgust, dirty looks or being totally ignored. And it was so consistent that I started to laugh when I would get such a response to a smile and salutation. I stopped the experiment with white women very quickly after I started. The white women of Portland had already determined I was a lech. What I thought was an act of kindness on my part was interpreted as a proposition by the white women of Portland. Where I was raised we were taught to be kind to strangers and to be polite when people say hello. That is not true in the big city. It was a hard lesson for me to face this new reality, but I learned to never 'bother' a white woman in Portland by simply saying hello.

[Tijeras_Slim]

What kind of beer was it?

[Georgia Girl 2]

She kind of lost me when she said she was in a grungy pool hall in the seediest part of town and felt cosmopolitan and mature. She should have felt afraid. LOL!