Posted on 12/28/2016 5:01:29 AM PST by God luvs America
WESTON – In a startling development for the Rock n Roll community, world famous Rolling Stones guitarist and songwriter Keith Richards was found alive on Wednesday. Crew members said they found his animated body sitting beside an amp, picking at a guitar and murmuring some incomprehensible melody. Shocked but elated, the roadies took Richards back to the dressing rooms and covered his old broken body with designer scarves and skull rings.
“It’s astounding” said longtime Rolling Stones roadie Steve Kruger, “to find him in this state is…well, it’s unexpected to say the least.” Richards, the grizzly-faced guitarist long thought to be the most likely person on the planet to next kick the bucket, was noodling on a 5-string fender when he was found miraculously still conscious. “At first I thought it was some 200-year old giant turtle that crawled in here, or a wrinkly sack of potatoes with somebody inside,” recalled Kruger. “But no! There he was, strumming away on a few opening chords to ‘Start Me Up.’ What I was seeing looked awful, but unmistakable. When I realized it was Keith, I thought it might be one of those holograms like they created for Michael Jackson and 2Pac at Bonnaroo music fest a few years back. But then I touched him and he screamed ‘what the hell do you want!?’, and I knew.”
Kinda surprising they found him sitting beside an amp; one would be forgiven for believing he was found wrapped up in bandages and stuffed into a sarcophagus somewhere just outside Cairo.
Keith Richards and Elvis are perfect characters for some “Men in Black” episode.
Of course, Elvis returned to his home planet.
LOL, The headline for the decade!!!
What Keith Richards has taught me is that the key to a long life is chain smoking, doing an insane number of Drugs and drinking tons of hard liquor.
Keith Richards, the new Abe Vigoda.
How can you be SURE he’s alive...look at him!
Didn’t realize this until recently but Keith Richards lives only a few miles from me by Devil’s Den Nature Preserve in Weston, CT. Well it’s one of his homes anyway, I’ve never seen him around town. Nice hiking area though. Maybe I’ll run into him someday on the trail. Be much more likely to see him than to see Crooked Hillary on the trails in Chappequa.
One could substitute Don Imus. Richards and he look like twins separated at birth....
That was hilarious, thanks!!!
Dylan was opening for the Stones when he won his Nobel prize for literature.... Richard’s response paraphrased... “I should’ve got one for chemistry.”
I’m sure that Keith saw plenty of trails back in the day.
So true... When he’s 115 and they ask him what has kept him alive for so long his answer will likely be... Sex, drugs and rock and roll.
As the old joke goes, if there is ever an all-out nuclear war, the only living things that will survive will be cockroaches and Keith Richards.
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah
Woo woo, woo woo
He has been married to Patti Hansen since 1983 when he turned 40. I give her a lot of credit. The short bio I read online says she is a born again Christian.
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