Posted on 09/28/2014 1:09:28 PM PDT by Nachum
Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase.
Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members.
For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done.
In a statement, Holder said taking a job at JPMorgan Chase was the logical next step in his career, given the revolving door between financial companies and the government officials who are supposed to regulate these companies.
“By joining JPMorgan Chase, I’m simply cutting out the middleman -- the U.S. Justice Department -- and going to work directly for the great Jamie Dimon,” he said. “Plus, when Jamie Dimon calls you, or one of his many secretaries calls you, you pick up the phone immediately. Seriously, that’s what we do here in Washington.”
(Excerpt) Read more at dailycurrant.com ...
That will fund acorn and planned non-parenthood for decades.
Yep.
Funny how much of the satire, today, seems like it COULD be true.
“By joining JPMorgan Chase, I’m simply cutting out the middleman -- the U.S. Justice Department -- and going to work directly for the great Jamie Dimon,” he said. “Plus, when Jamie Dimon calls you, or one of his many secretaries calls you, you pick up the phone immediately. Seriously, that’s what we do here in Washington.”
If the story said Jamie Dimon offered a hit man $77 million to take Holder out it would have been at least plausible.
It would be nice if this satire were true. Unfortunately Holder will probably will probably cause far more damage than working for the banksters. Odds are he will be appointed federal judge of some sort.
Lobbyist make good money don’t they? Any lobbyist worth this?
He isn’t worth a plugged nickel, let alone $77M.
...
They are buying political favors, and they’ll probably make a nice return on their purchase. Holder will do very little work, and true to your claim he isn’t worth spit, but the political machine rewards those who gives one of their own a lucrative do nothing job.
What, exactly, does Holder know of finance? Nothing. This is a buyoff to keep the DOJ away from JPMorgan.
Things sure have changed on FR. I posted a well-written satirical article back in 1999 and you would have thought I had just forced cow dung through the monitor by the reaction I got from most everyone.
Has to be satire. JP Morgan Chase has had a bullseye on its back ever since the Kenyan took office. And no CCO on Wall Street makes $77MM/year.
You can remember 1999? Kudos!
OK. Now I see that it’s satire (after my blood pressure shot up), and I feel foolish. The fact that if this really happened it wouldn’t surprise any of us speaks volumes.
Pay to play corruption. Nothing new here folks — move along.
The sad part is that this is believable.
The worst part is that this isn’t even a funny satire.
I figured it was satire, Eric the Red is not worth a dime over $75 million a year as a waiter.
More than a few bit on it over at the source in the comments section, as well. And there’s a half-dozen Onion-esque articles over there, too. Been there, done that—602P email tax... ;)
Half and half probably...
You can’t be this gullible or stupid.
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