Free Republic

The following is only partly satire; the rest is pure fact. Being able to discern which is which disqualifies the reader from government employment or contracting. As the old saying goes, “desperate times call for desperate measures.” With the glaring klieg lights of harsh congressional scrutiny being thrown onto several grave and alarming security lapses around the President and First Family, a humiliated and confused Obama administration is urgently in need of expert help. So much so, in fact, that they’re now awkwardly reaching out to someone whose skill at detecting suspicious perimeter intrusion at a gated complex (not to...

Just after announcing his resignation as U.S. attorney general, Eric Holder has accepted a top job with Wall Street finance giant JPMorgan Chase. Starting in early November, Holder will serve as JPMorgan Chase’s chief compliance officer, where his responsibilities will include lobbying Congress on the company’s behalf and ensuring it “gets the best deal possible” from any new proposed financial regulations. Holder will also fetch morning coffee and breakfast orders for CEO Jamie Dimon and board members. For his efforts, Holder will earn an annual salary of $77 million plus bonuses for a job well done. In a statement, Holder...

In 2004,Homeland Security officials,with the assistance of NSA,intercepted certain telephone calls made to prominent American politicians.Because some of these are still highly classified,we have identified the parties here only as Senator Swimcoach and Benevolent One (Swimcoach and Benevolent for short). Senator: Hello ? Oh it's you... Benevolent: (quickly) No names,please ! Senator: Gotcha.Were you calling to make a pledge ? Benevolent: (Sighs) Alas,no. That Bushie chap has tied up all of our charitable assets.We're going to have to make a contribution "in kind". Senator: Ummmm....How does that work,exactly ? Benevolent: Well, let's put it this way:It will be through...