The Hyannisport Intercepts

In 2004,Homeland Security officials,with the assistance of NSA,intercepted certain telephone calls made to prominent American politicians.Because some of these are still highly classified,we have identified the parties here only as Senator Swimcoach and Benevolent One (Swimcoach and Benevolent for short).

Benevolent: (Sighs) Alas,no. That Bushie chap has tied up all of our charitable assets.We're going to have to make a contribution "in kind".

Benevolent: Well, let's put it this way:It will be through our "overseas branch",if you catch my drift...

Benevolent: Let me phrase it this way. Did you see how "Operation Spanish Olive" worked out ?

Senator: (sounds alarmed) Your overseas branch isn't planning anything here, I hope ! I do have property investments to think about,you know !

Benevolent: Oh, no ! No,no ! We're thinking of stepping up things in Iraq...a "spring sales campaign" if you will.

Benevolent: Let me put it this way,old chap. Do you own any stock in coffins or bodybags ? (Chuckles)I would advise you to invest. It's going to be a growth industry !

Senator: Mmmm.... That would work....A lot of TV coverage of flag-draped coffins.Umph ! I'd better pick up some stock in that flag company too !

Benevolent: There ! You see ? I knew we could help you bash that...that Dubya chappie !

Swimcoach: How was that extra virgin olive oil I sent you last week?

Benevolent: Ha ha, you make another funny! Extra virgin, that is good. Yes it was very tasty. We will make many fine salads for the infidels, yes?

Swimcoach: But not in my restaurant, correct?

Benevolent: We do not expect that, no. Assuming that you do win as we have discussed.

You realize I was quoting from "An Annotated History of Early 21st Century America". A few chapters on, the reader will learn of the sad fate of Senator Swimcoach:

"... It was the Attorney General's opinion the Senator could not be arrested,as the Constitution provides immunity to Senators "going to and coming from" the Congress.Considerable head-scratching resulted;however, fate stepped in-in the person of one Deborah Snidely-Boor,who induced the Senator to accompany her on an automobile ride,in the area of Chappaquiddick,Massachusetts.

At some point,while crossing the bridge, Ms Snidely-Boor evidently lost control of the vehicle,which plunged into the water,and was submerged.Ms Snidely-Boor, who had-providentially-brought swim fins with her,escaped without incident,swam to her father's home,and,after a brief chat with her boyfriend-a well-known attorney-called the authorities to report the incident.

Some "conspiracy buffs" made much of the fact two hours had transpired before the authorities were called,and others questioned who Senator Swimcoach's trousers and undergarments were around his ankles; but it was found the seat belt holding the popular Senator had jammed.Moreover,Ms Snidely-Boor-one of the founders of Progressive Massachusetts Sisters (PMS)-had impeccable liberal and social credentials (apart from a 6 month sojurn as the "prime hoe" of Rap Artist Down 'n Disgustin" ); and nothing further came of the matter. "

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