[freespirited]

Have a feeling this will be a fun thread.

[org.whodat]

Once you hit them with the club and start dragging them back to the cave who cares.

[hummingbird]

So that's what they are calling it now.

if a baseball or football game or anything from ESPN is on, my husband doesn't “hear” me at all.

I get so frustrated I change his sleep number on his side of the Select Comfort bed.

My, my, my. Next I'll start pinching money from his wallet.

[Wuli]

The essential difference between men and women and their relationships, on every a level:

“Women want to be understood, men just want to be accepted.”©Wuli 2011

[The Sons of Liberty]

Funny, I’ve read that the recordings in aircraft cockpits are female because the female voice gets the [male] pilot’s attention. Both of these findings can’t be right.

[Little Ray]

Funny. I recall a study that shows the exact opposite.

IIRC recall the military, esp. the Air Force when over to female voices for warnings, etc., because that was more likely to get the pilot’s attention than a male voice.

Anecdotally, I set my Kindle to read text to me in a female voice, and I prefer female vocalists.

I call BS on the study.

[Bigg Red]

There are a lot of female voices that are difficult for me to listen to — and I am a woman.

[texas_mrs]

My husband hears me. He doesn't LISTEN. Minutes after I've told him something, he's asking me the question I've already answered.

He also ignores answering a question. Drives him crazy when I return the favor.

[dagogo redux]

Females have voices? Is that what that sound is?

[Thinkitude]

Huh, what?

[Oratam]

it’s hard work wading thru a ‘data dump’

[PzLdr]

It’s an evolutionary defense mechanism to cut down on homicide or suicide.

[dfwgator]

Never get tired of this one:

ACTUAL COLLEGE THEME PAPER - HEY I COULDN’T MAKE THIS UP
Remember the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”?
Well, here’s a prime example offered by an English professor
at an American University.

“Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca -last name deleted, and Jim - last name deleted.

---

STORY:
(First paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.

---

(Second paragraph by Jim)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his trans- galactic communicator.
“Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far...” But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

---

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4. Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and
Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed hurriedly and
carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract
her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things
around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?”
she pondered wistfully.

---

(Jim)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target
for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the
human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor
off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t
allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ‘em out of
the sky!”

---

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.

---

(Jim)
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh
no, I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels.”

---

(Rebecca)
A-hole.

---

(Jim)
Bitch.

---

(Rebecca)
Wanker.

---

(Jim)
slut.

---

(Rebecca)
Get f*****.

---

(Jim)
Eat ****.

---

(Rebecca)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

---

(Jim)
Go drink some tea - whore.

---

(Teacher)
A+ I really liked this one.

[Arrowhead1952]

Have a feeling this will be a fun thread.

[DoughtyOne]

Male Brains Aren't Designed To Listen to Female Voices
Male Brains Can be Damaged by Shrill Non-stop Voices

By Andrea Uku
By Andrea Upchuck

June 7, 2011 2:00 pm

If you've ever spent time telling a guy a story or asking him a question, only to get a blank stare in response, then you know that there's definitely truth to this claim that guys weren't designed to hear us speak.
If you've ever spent time telling a guy a long long long long long story without taking a breath, or asking him a question it takes you more than three minutes to state, only to get a blank stare in response, then you know there's definitely truth to the premise that there's a 50/50 chance you may be to blame..., er I mean, that the guy just isn't mentally or physically all there.

I had a similar experience at brunch this weekend when I was going on and on to a male friend about something I can't even remember anymore. When I got to the end of my rant and finally asked him if he agreed with me on the topic at hand, his answer was, "sorry, I really wasn't listening to a word you said."  I had an experience at bruch this last weekend when I was going on and on (no hints to the problem here) to a male friend about something I can't even remember anymore. (and yet he damn well better...)  When I finally got to the end of my lecture..., er rant, and finally asked him if he agreed with me on the topic at hand, his answer was, "Sorry you little windbag, I wasn't paying any attention to you."  (She didn't know this for how long?  Minutes, hours, what seemed to him like half his life?)

Even though I was incredibly frustrated with him, he did bring up a good point, asking, "would you rather I lie and say I heard you?" This little exchange, as insignificant as it was, did make me wonder exactly what it is that makes it so easy for men to tune us out.  Even though I was incredibly frustrated that he didn't find me the most intelligent woman he had ever listened to non-stop 'like forever', he did bring up a good point, asking, "Do you have a gun so I can shoot myself in the head?"  This little exchange, as insignificant as it was, did make me wonder exactly what it is that makes it so dead certain men will..., er easy, for men to tune ME..., er us out?

As it turns out, a study published in the journal NeuroImage sought to answer the very same question. Researchers found that there are major differences in the way male and female brains process voice sounds. Different brain regions are activated in men, depending on whether they're hearing a male or female voice.  And then, I just had to figure out what was wrong with him.  It was so important that I buried myself in research to find out.  As it turned out, after 5 months, 2 days, 14 hours, and 23 minutes, I found something that absolved me of any culpability.  The journal NeuroImage obtained a government grant and spent $22 million dollars (an obvious exageration I hope) to answer the very same question.  Researchers found that there are major differences between intelligent men and idiotic women..., er major deficiencies in the male of the human species.  This confirmed what I had thought all along.  Like, oh ma gosh!  There was a difference between the way men and women process noise, er voice sounds.  Different brain regions are activated in men, depending on whether they are hearing a male or female voice.  And surprisingly, different brain regions are activated in women, depending on whether it's their own voice splitting skulls for three tables, or not.

Apparently, the vibration and number of sound waves in our voice makes it harder for men to decipher what we're saying. When it comes to processing a woman's voice, they use the more complex auditory part of the brain that processes music, not human voices. But the guys in the study could easily hear and understand other men’s voices as speech because that uses a simpler brain mechanism at the back of the brain.  Appearently, the vibration and number of sound waves in our voice, isn't as important as the splitting headache we are causing the man to endure.  But lets not dwell on that. Just know that it is harder for men to decipher what I am..., er what we are saying.  When it comes to processing my..., er a woman's voice, they use the more complex auditory part of the brain that processes a garbage disposal, a snarling cat, or a elephant passing gas, not human voices.  But the guys in the study could easily hear and understand other men's voices, pleasent sounds, and even Carol Channing's voice better than they could mine..., er women's in general.

So, next time you want to get angry and yell at a guy for "not listening," cut him a little slack – his brain just wasn't made to hear you. My suggestion would be to speak slowly and get to your point fast.   So next time you want to get angry (not get angry for just cause, but when you want to of course) at a guy for "not listening," cut him a little slack, he's just inferior to you and can't help it.  My suggestion would be to speak slowly, and get to your point within 90 minutes or less.  I know this will be tough, but good relationships are important.  And any guy that hears you talking to him in slow motion, is going to love it.

Psychology 101 and the female of the species...

Have you noticed that many of the experts on men are women?
Have you noticed that these same experts on men, wind up with men who are completely wrong for them?
Have you noticed that the ones that do, are always ready and willing to pick everyone else's partner to pieces?
Have you noticed that many of these woman don't have the slightest clue how women could possibly contribute to the problem of miscommunication?
Hove you noticed that if they percieve a problem, they immediately strart calculating what the man did wrong, or what his physical shortcomings must be?
Tell me the truth guys, have you tuned one of these shrews out?

Ladies, please quit trying to figure men out.  If you don't like one, move the hell on.  Please quit referencing studies on men that cost millions of dollars for answers to questions, that any guy with an IQ of 90 could have explained to you in a minute or less.

As is common with the human species men and women, the social problems we experience are often at least partially within us, not exclusively the other person.  Any man that would write something similar to what this woman wrote, would get roughly the same response.  Fix yourself.  Then move on to others.

[Gaffer]

Horseshit. I've heard of and seen applications where a female voice is used specifically because it is meant to be heard above the fray. One such thing that comes to mind is critical warnings in fighter aircraft.

I know on my Garmin, I sure as hell don't want to listen to Metrosexual Steve tell me which 'turn' to take.

[catnipman]

This is a totally unfair slam against males. It’s only the irrelevant stuff we tune out.

For example, almost no red-blooded male on this board would fail to hear the following:

“Honey, how do you like my new mini-skirt?”

or

“Honey, I noticed you were out of beer and brought you another cold one.”

See what I mean? None of the relevant stuff gets tuned out.

[Jewbacca]

This is why G-d invented breasts.

[Spktyr]

“My suggestion would be to speak slowly and get to your point fast.”

Ladies, you don’t have to speak slowly... but if you don’t immediately get to the point and dither around, we guys ARE going to ignore you. We ignore other men that do the same thing. Deal with it.

[Deb]

I gotta go with the guys on this one.

[6ppc]

get to your point fast.

She nailed it! By the second or third sentence I'm already thinking about something else...especially when it takes my wife five minutes to get to the point.