Posted on 12/13/2008 4:13:29 AM PST by reaganaut1
The paradigm has shifted. Dating is dated. Hooking up is here to stay.
...
To help me understand this phenomenon, I called Kathleen Bogle, a professor at La Salle University in Philadelphia who has studied hooking up among college students and is the author of the 2008 book, “Hooking Up: Sex, Dating and Relationships on Campus.”
It turns out that everything is the opposite of what I remember. Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.
I asked her to explain the pros and cons of this strange culture. According to her, the pros are that hooking up emphasizes group friendships over the one-pair model of dating, and, therefore, removes the negative stigma from those who can’t get a date. As she put it, “It used to be that if you couldn’t get a date, you were a loser.” Now, she said, you just hang out with your friends and hope that something happens.
The cons center on the issues of gender inequity. Girls get tired of hooking up because they want it to lead to a relationship (the guys don’t), and, as they get older, they start to realize that it’s not a good way to find a spouse. Also, there’s an increased likelihood of sexual assaults because hooking up is often fueled by alcohol.
That’s not good. So why is there an increase in hooking up? According to Professor Bogle, it’s: the collapse of advanced planning, lopsided gender ratios on campus, delaying marriage, relaxing values and sheer momentum.
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
I understand why the GUYS do this . . .
Neil Boortz, the radio libertarian, says that he has a secret for young men in H.S. and college to ahem, get some:
Look for girls that smoke. There’s a reduced inhibition and oral fixation related to smoking in girls. Indeed, studies show that girls that smoke are something like twice as likely to put out as those that don’t. Neil cites those stats frequently, I don’t have them on hand.
Sad to be a young lady looking for relational meaning in a world that totally caves to planned spontaneity. . . The sexual revolution screwed women over. Pun intended.
I tell my younger sis and her friends repeatedly that hooking up with a guy, then expecting a relationship is the wrong way to goThose are the key words.
It's called, "Friends with benefits."I am all for that.
Promiscuity is a sure sign that a person’s character is bad; anyone, male or female, who is sexually promiscuous is going to make a bad spouse because he or she has already shown that he or she is incapable of delaying self-gratification and uses others to that end.It is not just about self-gratification; it is also about measuring up to other people.
Look for girls that smoke. There’s a reduced inhibition and oral fixation related to smoking in girls. Indeed, studies show that girls that smoke are something like twice as likely to put out as those that don’t. Neil cites those stats frequently, I don’t have them on hand.That is such great advice; I ought to talk to women who are outside the bar smoking a cigarette or two.
You wrote:
“How are they losers?”
Simple. They lose a little bit of their self-respect each and every time they give themselves away for nothing. Read Wendy Shalit’s Return to Modesty. You might be surprised.
“Just because they do not find “the One” does not mean they did not have fun.”
Oh, they have fun. But then they look at what they actually got out of acting like whores and they often feel horrible. See MD Anonymous’ Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student, or see Dawn Eden’s Thrill of the Chaste.
I deal with the results of this sort of behavior on the part of young women ALL the time in my job. These young women often end up devastated, cynical, angry and rarely know why. One conversation later and they usually feel like they’ve made a tremendous discovery. Many after that entirely change their behavior and are happier for it.
The main reason this happens is the sex ratio at colleges, almost 60% are female. This is just supply and demand, if 60% were male, females would not be so promiscuous.
After major wars, the number of males declines and females become more promiscuous.
Simple. They lose a little bit of their self-respect each and every time they give themselves away for nothing. Read Wendy Shalit’s Return to Modesty. You might be surprised.They are either enjoying it, or they are putting up with it for some higher purpose
Oh, they have fun. But then they look at what they actually got out of acting like whores and they often feel horrible. See MD Anonymous’ Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student, or see Dawn Eden’s Thrill of the Chaste.If they feel horrible simply because they are like everyone else, they do need psychiatric help.
These young women often end up devastated, cynical, angry and rarely know why.They would even be more devastated and angry if they have not had sex while knowing that everyone else did.
bump
In many ways, this is worse than prostitution. Prostitutes realize that what they are giving away is valuable and ask for payment in return. Many of these women are giving everything away and getting nothing in return (except maybe cervical cancer from HPV, AIDS, some other STD, or an unwanted pregnancy).
You wrote:
“They are either enjoying it, or they are putting up with it for some higher purpose”
It is not an “or” situation. They do enjoy to some extent - of that there can be no doubt. But they also often regret it afterward and wonder why they feel hollow inside. They believe they are doing these things because that is simply the way life is supposed to be. They are mistaken.
“If they feel horrible simply because they are like everyone else, they do need psychiatric help.”
You are completely wrong. The fact that almost every member of a generation of girls is lowering her standards and acting poorly is not a good guide as how to act. By your standards the dissenting German needed “psychiatric help” because he thought beating Jews in the street was horrible, but everyone else was doing it.
“Every single woman my age has had sex. Women younger than me have had sex. None of them wish they were still virgins.”
That’s what they tell you. 1) Maybe you’re just hanging out with women with low standards and little self-respect. With your way of thinking I would not be surprised. 2) I deal with literally hundreds of young women - I’m not kidding - and even the “Brave New World” ones have told me about numerous regrets, mistakes, suicide attempts, cutting, drug use, unwanted pregnancies, miscarriages, STDs, etc. It has gotten to the point that I would rather just not know about all of this. I can’t change what I know, however. I went to McDonald’s for a milk shake and two 19 year olds told me about how both of them had miscarriages the previous year!
“They would even be more devastated and angry if they have not had sex while knowing that everyone else did.”
That’s just BS. First of all, think about it, is sex going to go away, disappear? No, it will still be there if these young women (and men!) are smart enough to wait for marriage. What is lost by waiting until you’re in your 20s? It is already known - read the books I listed and you’ll know it too - that teens and young women are rarely ready for sex or its consequences.
I deal with the wreckage of those consequences EVERY DAY.
I’m glad I’m married.
Of course they don't, because they've been told if you are a virgin there is something wrong with you and we live in a culture where you are expected to proudly proclaim that you have no regrets. But how many of them are really happy with how their relationships have gone?
With respect to "no regrets", I went with my wife to see the play "A Boy from Oz" when Hugh Jackman was in the starring role about Peter Allen, who died from AIDS. It ends with the typical, "No regrets" and "I wouldn't do anything differently" lines and everyone applauds. Really? So if you could do it all again, you'd choose to get AIDS and inflict your lover with it? This kind of thinking is insane.
I went to La Salle in the early ‘90s — met my husband there, in fact. even then, it was verging on CINO.
The Christian Brothers are less than vigilant in modeling the proper Catholic behaviors, and a lot of the faculty members are liberal loontards.
You know Question_Assumptions, you just made me realize something. There is a great deal of similarity between how these young women (and men too, of course) act and how homosexual men act. Homosexual men are often reckless, a danger to themselves and others, putting themselves at risk just for a thrill. It seems to me that a lot of the young women out there are only somewhat more tame, more worried about their reputations. Pleasure and adventure are their gods, and they don’t think much about the consequences. They also seem more than willing to allow themselves to be used as many homosexual men do.
Of course they don't, because they've been told if you are a virgin there is something wrong with youWhoever told them that was right.
Why?
It is not an “or” situation. They do enjoy to some extent - of that there can be no doubt. But they also often regret it afterward and wonder why they feel hollow inside. They believe they are doing these things because that is simply the way life is supposed to be. They are mistaken.Why should they regret measuring up to other people?
The fact that almost every member of a generation of girls is lowering her standards and acting poorly is not a good guide as how to act.So now having sex is a lower standard?
Maybe you’re just hanging out with women with low standards and little self-respect. With your way of thinking I would not be surprised.So having sex is inconsistent with self-respect?
That’s just BS. First of all, think about it, is sex going to go away, disappear? No, it will still be there if these young women (and men!) are smart enough to wait for marriage. What is lost by waiting until you’re in your 20s? It is already known - read the books I listed and you’ll know it too - that teens and young women are rarely ready for sex or its consequences.Have you ever, ever considered that there might be a downside to being a virgin? Believe it or not, there is data available on this.
It is self-evident.
...and at what age do you think a woman has something wrong with her at if she's still a virgin? 21? 18? 15? 12? 9? 6?
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