It is not an “or” situation. They do enjoy to some extent - of that there can be no doubt. But they also often regret it afterward and wonder why they feel hollow inside. They believe they are doing these things because that is simply the way life is supposed to be. They are mistaken.Why should they regret measuring up to other people?
The fact that almost every member of a generation of girls is lowering her standards and acting poorly is not a good guide as how to act.So now having sex is a lower standard?
Maybe you’re just hanging out with women with low standards and little self-respect. With your way of thinking I would not be surprised.So having sex is inconsistent with self-respect?
That’s just BS. First of all, think about it, is sex going to go away, disappear? No, it will still be there if these young women (and men!) are smart enough to wait for marriage. What is lost by waiting until you’re in your 20s? It is already known - read the books I listed and you’ll know it too - that teens and young women are rarely ready for sex or its consequences.Have you ever, ever considered that there might be a downside to being a virgin? Believe it or not, there is data available on this.
Having casual sex with no intimacy or long term involvement is a lower standard for two reasons. Either the person is enjoying sex without missing a major component (intimacy) or they want intimacy and are settling for sex without it. Either way, sex without intimacy (which requires more than a fleeting introduction to a person) is a lower standard than sex with intimacy.
So having sex is inconsistent with self-respect?
Having sex when you would rather not or don't want to because you feel expected to or feel you have to is. So is being dumped again and again by guys who a woman thought she was having an intimate relationship with once they've gotten what they want and grow weary of her. If the guys are getting what they want and the women aren't, then the women are being used. That seems pretty simple to me.
Have you ever, ever considered that there might be a downside to being a virgin?
Sure. It's kind of hard to have kids if you aren't having sex. But maybe you should consider the downside, particularly for women, of having non-monogamous sex with guys who are also promiscuous including unwanted pregnancies, STDs, cervical cancer, and psychological issues related to intimacy.
Believe it or not, there is data available on this.
That's not data. It's anecdotal evidence. If you find that compelling, I suggest you read the book Unprotected by Dr. Miriam Grossman, Modern Sex: Liberation and Its Discontents by Myron Magnet, or A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit. Lots of good anecdotes in all three demonstrating the problems you are ignoring.
Obviously, I am not advocating that twelve-year-old have sex. But there comes an age where it is better to have sex than to not have sex.
And what age is that, exactly? And why? And how would you react if I said that, instead, the argument should be, "There comes an age when it's better to be married than to not be married," or "There comes an age when t's better to have children then to not have children"?
You wrote:
“Why should they regret measuring up to other people?”
What “up”? How is low standards an “up”? Also, what makes you think that any person needs to “measure up” to someone else by doing something that is not moral and fraught with difficulties such as unwanted pregnancy, STDs, emotional attachments to losers, etc.?
“So now having sex is a lower standard?”
Realistically, if sex has a greater purpose than just your pleasure (and it must have that because sexuality is a universal) than how can a woman “hooking up” casually be anything but lowering standards? How is cheapening yourself NOT lowering standards? Please explain to me - yes I am laughing as I write this - how “hooking up” is NOT lowering standards. Can you do that for me, please?
“So having sex is inconsistent with self-respect?”
Your friends’ behavior and attitude is inconsistent with self-respect and your grasping at straws to explain away that poor self-respect is just proving my case.
“What kind of sexually disoriented thinking is that?”
Sexually disoriented thinking? Now, that’s a fascinating string of inconsistencies right there. Do you really believe that something can be disoriented and thinking? Kind of like doing calculus after a head wound?
“Have you ever, ever considered that there might be a downside to being a virgin? Believe it or not, there is data available on this.”
No, there isn’t any evidence to suggest a college age woman is suffering a “downside” by being a virgin. What does she suffer? Nothing. Disease? None. Unwanted pregnancies? None. Bad emotional attachments through sex? None. Loss of reputation? None. Loss of moral pleasures open to her as an unmarried college age woman? None. She can still eat, sleep, work, play, talk all night, study, graduate, make money, shop, hang out with friends, date, travel, and so on, and so on, and so on. What has she really lost? Nothing.
“Obviously, I am not advocating that twelve-year-old have sex. But there comes an age where it is better to have sex than to not have sex.”
You’re not making sense. Tell me EXACTLY what age you are talking about. 15? 18? 20? 30? What age? Who decides? Is it universal or is it just in the USA? What about for a very mature 15 year old? Is it okay if she gets it on with her 15 year old boyfriend? Gee, how about her 27 year old teacher? How about her 19 year old neighbor? What if that 19 year old neighbor is a woman? What if that 15 year old chooses to have sex with someone knowing he has AIDS or some other STD? Do we have the right to stop her?
Your morality is self-serving at best. You have apparently no standards (except some undefined idea about “age”). That’s it? Thousands of years of moral development and you have...”I am not advocating that twelve-year-old have sex.” Wow, how impressive!