Posted on 02/28/2008 8:28:50 AM PST by Kaslin
Politics and the street fight between Hillary and Barack Obama aren't the only games in town. A bachelor acquaintance of mine, a prosperous man in his 40s, was new in town and wanted to meet the love of his life, to marry, and become a father and citizen (and voter). So, I organized a small cocktail party and invited several attractive women in their late 30s who are still looking for Mr. Right (and might be willing to settle for Mr. Good Enough). They're women with professional careers but want marriage and family, too.
They feel a mild panic that motherhood might pass them by. The single men they meet seem determined to remain bachelors. The men are having too much fun to give up their freedom. This is the dilemma of millions of young women, an "issue" more important to them at the present moment than what to do about health care, tinpots in Tehran or Pyongyang, or the reform of NAFTA. You might hear them mumbling, "No, we can't."
As it turned out, my party was cordial, even mellow, and maybe two or three telephone numbers were exchanged, but it failed. The gentleman didn't meet anyone he wanted to call the next day. Because he had chosen badly in the past he was cautious. "Picky," my grandmother would have called him. Several of the women found him interesting enough, but were not about to make the first move. Some things haven't changed.
My party was ground zero of the phenomenon that worries the demographers (and the more astute polls). Several young women tell me they at first liked the trend toward marrying late, but they never thought it would mean never marrying at all. Now, melancholy has replaced the prospect of marriage and they're terrified they're at the point of no return. A husband and children are still possible for women, even in their 40s, but the fear of fear itself is the more likely prospect. Parents no longer tease them about waiting impatiently for grandchildren. The generations feel the other's pain with the not-so-silent lament: "We're not getting any younger."
Having put careers first while seeking the passionate Mr. Perfect, they've overlooked Mr. Good Enough. This sensibility was captured in a brief encounter on the television show "Sex and the City. " The oh-so-hip Carrie Bradshaw runs into a man she had dumped for the exciting Mr. Perfect, who had subsequently dumped her. The jilted suitor carries his infant son, and the picture is worth a thousand words about the what-ifs.
Lori Gottlieb, a real-life woman of 40, writes in Atlantic magazine about withdrawing the necessary DNA from a sperm bank to give birth without the benefit of a husband. She tells women they should learn from her experience and settle down with Mr. Good Enough instead of going at it alone in a futile search for the man of their fantasies.
This insight comes only a year after she preached in the same pages of Atlantic how it was better to have a baby without a father if a woman couldn't find a man to turn up the heat. Hindsight suggests that the steady glow of a back burner can give simmering satisfaction with a less than perfect husband: "Not only does he contribute financially, help with the dishes, and share in the child care, but as his wife, if you want some companionship or physical intimacy, you don't have to shave your legs, blow-dry your hair apply lipstick. ... "
Of course, such gritty pragmatism isn't exactly a selling point for men. It echoes the depictions of domestic life that Playboy magazine warned bachelors against in the 1950s. The Playboy of today is a beast of a different order, but a bit of a beast nevertheless. He's a young man in his 20s, refusing to grow up, with access to ATMs for instant money to spend on himself. You typically find him in the pages of Maxim magazine with movie heroes such as Ben Stiller, Jim Carey and Will Ferrell, indulging in grossed-out adolescent "Animal House" humor. He's uncultured, uncouth and unkempt, preferring beer to fine wine, skateboards to sports cars and teenage toys to higher status symbols of maturity. Kay Hymowitz calls him the "Child-Man in the Promised Land."
"In 1970, 69 percent of 25-year old and 85 percent of 30-year old white men were married," she writes in City Journal magazine. "In 2000, only 33 percent and 58 percent were [married], respectively." These statistics suggest it will become even more difficult for single young women to find suitable mates in the next decade. That's something Hillary, Barack Obama and John McCain can worry about later as the new demographics affect politics and policies. Never-Never-Land is no longer mere fiction.
The women this person speaks of are looking for someone whom they consider to be appreciably more of “everything” the women already believe themselves to be, thinking that they deserve some romantic vision of an ideal man.
In the meantime, they’ve squandered themselves by sleeping around with men they couldn’t keep, for some reason.
These women are what I was having to choose among, until I met the woman for me—in another country.
We are now happily married. She’s a fine person— intelligent, attractive, decent, and kind. She never slept around (nor did I).
The women of the article are so into themselves, that they can’t see their actual worth to a decent man has essentially shot down to near zero.
But, that is life when you pattern yourself after the “Sex and the City” lifestyle.
Bingo. We have a winner!
Guys in their teens know that too. But guys in their 20's are not so set in their ways and cynical as guys in their 30's and 40's
Picky, nasty, selfish people aren’t going to find happiness in life, let alone find a mate.
I have two grown daughters and a grown son. All of them settled down with wonderful people while in their twenties. I have a grandson now. My middle daughter even got herself a rich and handsome guy. He’s as good as they come.
I’m a boomer, and I’ve been married to the same spectacular lady for thirty one years. The greatest joy in life is to put my hand in hers at night and drift off to sleep.
I don’t doubt that there are miserable people out there. I wouldn’t want to enter the dating market today either. But it all starts with what shows up in the mirror. And I don’t mean the physical.
I beg to differ. I would say that most women do demand something of men, and that is a better paycheck then theirs.
If they were looking for character, you’d tend to find that in a solid church setting.
Nope,
Don’t like people livin’ under my roof....
and as far as conversation, I’ve got friends for that ;)
I don't think I'd even recognize those things. I'm so out of it!
My big excitement today was buying some ribbon to fix up a dress I got at the Salvation Army store :-).
How about whole back murals that go up the spine?? ;) ;)
I’m talking about girls who give away to anyone, anytime, for absolutely nothing! They don’t respect themselves, why would they imagine that any man would respect THEM?
Sweet! I got a nice thrill myself from a $10 Goodwill suit a couple of weeks ago.
I only see them on TV or read about them. Sort of like meerkats.
How about whole back murals that go up the spine??
"Tramp Stamps"
Hi Timm,
Not to worry. That was an overstatement. I was just trying to get a rise out of some of the old timers here.
Not ALL guys sound bitter. There are a few though. You just can’t be bitter about being dumped ten years ago. Michelle Obama is still bitter because she wasn’t homecoming queen or something when she was at Princeton. It’s very unattractive and a guarantee to be dumped again.
HOWEVER - I will be on the lookout for your future bitter comments on Wimmin Are Evil threads! LOL
I have raised my young women well and they tell me that there are no young men available who have any plans for a future with a woman that lasts beyond the next morning. They are both beautiful and waiting for a beloved.
Of course not. If you were dumped, that means she at least gave you a chance in the beginning.
No, we are bitter because she turned us down every time we asked her out. :)
(I think we’ve had it here at least 209584 times ;)
And yes, I have one and it doesn’t me a tramp....it does mean I’ll have lots of good stories to tell about why I have it when I’m 90.
You don’t sound very bitter to me. We need to add you to the Wimmin R Evil thread. Laz too.
Those are skin coasters for your drink.
I probably mentioned this to you before (we seem to wind up on these same threads alot...) but I have a dear friend who got her first tattoo at 50 (to celebrate her birthday). Its a rose (her mom was named Rose so it has double meaning). She added a small bud and some leaves for 55. For sixty she says she will get the trellis :)
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