Posted on 02/28/2008 8:28:50 AM PST by Kaslin
Politics and the street fight between Hillary and Barack Obama aren't the only games in town. A bachelor acquaintance of mine, a prosperous man in his 40s, was new in town and wanted to meet the love of his life, to marry, and become a father and citizen (and voter). So, I organized a small cocktail party and invited several attractive women in their late 30s who are still looking for Mr. Right (and might be willing to settle for Mr. Good Enough). They're women with professional careers but want marriage and family, too.
They feel a mild panic that motherhood might pass them by. The single men they meet seem determined to remain bachelors. The men are having too much fun to give up their freedom. This is the dilemma of millions of young women, an "issue" more important to them at the present moment than what to do about health care, tinpots in Tehran or Pyongyang, or the reform of NAFTA. You might hear them mumbling, "No, we can't."
As it turned out, my party was cordial, even mellow, and maybe two or three telephone numbers were exchanged, but it failed. The gentleman didn't meet anyone he wanted to call the next day. Because he had chosen badly in the past he was cautious. "Picky," my grandmother would have called him. Several of the women found him interesting enough, but were not about to make the first move. Some things haven't changed.
My party was ground zero of the phenomenon that worries the demographers (and the more astute polls). Several young women tell me they at first liked the trend toward marrying late, but they never thought it would mean never marrying at all. Now, melancholy has replaced the prospect of marriage and they're terrified they're at the point of no return. A husband and children are still possible for women, even in their 40s, but the fear of fear itself is the more likely prospect. Parents no longer tease them about waiting impatiently for grandchildren. The generations feel the other's pain with the not-so-silent lament: "We're not getting any younger."
Having put careers first while seeking the passionate Mr. Perfect, they've overlooked Mr. Good Enough. This sensibility was captured in a brief encounter on the television show "Sex and the City. " The oh-so-hip Carrie Bradshaw runs into a man she had dumped for the exciting Mr. Perfect, who had subsequently dumped her. The jilted suitor carries his infant son, and the picture is worth a thousand words about the what-ifs.
Lori Gottlieb, a real-life woman of 40, writes in Atlantic magazine about withdrawing the necessary DNA from a sperm bank to give birth without the benefit of a husband. She tells women they should learn from her experience and settle down with Mr. Good Enough instead of going at it alone in a futile search for the man of their fantasies.
This insight comes only a year after she preached in the same pages of Atlantic how it was better to have a baby without a father if a woman couldn't find a man to turn up the heat. Hindsight suggests that the steady glow of a back burner can give simmering satisfaction with a less than perfect husband: "Not only does he contribute financially, help with the dishes, and share in the child care, but as his wife, if you want some companionship or physical intimacy, you don't have to shave your legs, blow-dry your hair apply lipstick. ... "
Of course, such gritty pragmatism isn't exactly a selling point for men. It echoes the depictions of domestic life that Playboy magazine warned bachelors against in the 1950s. The Playboy of today is a beast of a different order, but a bit of a beast nevertheless. He's a young man in his 20s, refusing to grow up, with access to ATMs for instant money to spend on himself. You typically find him in the pages of Maxim magazine with movie heroes such as Ben Stiller, Jim Carey and Will Ferrell, indulging in grossed-out adolescent "Animal House" humor. He's uncultured, uncouth and unkempt, preferring beer to fine wine, skateboards to sports cars and teenage toys to higher status symbols of maturity. Kay Hymowitz calls him the "Child-Man in the Promised Land."
"In 1970, 69 percent of 25-year old and 85 percent of 30-year old white men were married," she writes in City Journal magazine. "In 2000, only 33 percent and 58 percent were [married], respectively." These statistics suggest it will become even more difficult for single young women to find suitable mates in the next decade. That's something Hillary, Barack Obama and John McCain can worry about later as the new demographics affect politics and policies. Never-Never-Land is no longer mere fiction.
LOL!
Just....
LOL!
You are waiting around for this great guy, and .... HERE I AM! ALL ALONG!
So I’ll take that as a yes. :)
I see this thread has turned out better than some ...
{patting your head}
You’ve done very well here young lady. Keep up the good work!
I’ll tell you why (and I have a student I adore who’s gay).
a. The are loaded with compliments everytime they see you.
b. They’re fun to do things with-— shop, eat out, dance.
c. You don’t have to worry if they find you sexy, or attractive or if they’re going to pick up the Barbi Doll waitress and ditch you.
d. They give wonderful fashion and decorating advice.
LOL!
Actually,
watch out,
I’m heading north any day now (seriously). ;)
You are missing out on all the fine Bourbon?
Sounds good. Just for the weekend though.
Give it time.
But, you have to add as a corollary to this, that NOWHERE are there more cases of arrested frat-boy development than NYC. Of my NYC friends, I don't know one guy who married before the age of 40.
I find it all very alien. I don’t meet any people like the ones in the articles, but other posters have, so they must exist.
I’m still interested in why the author thought her male guest’s status as a non-citizen wasn’t relevant. Maybe he’s Canadian? But they’re still pretty foreign, no offense to Mark Steyn ...
I’m 51, I live in rural Alaska, I have a wife with a terminal disease and sometime god forbid I will be a single parent again. I am not impressed with the stuck up woman nowadays either, luckily I marriage the most un-selfish person ever, she is so far removed from what American woman try to be I sometimes wonder why, anyhow if and when it happens her passing on I think I will take a trip around the world, maybe an Australian girl.
That's an unfair characterization. Kaslin simply posted the article. XR7 limited his comments to radical feminism. I don't see how you could construe either of their contributions as the product of bitter misogynists.
I know there is a bitter contingent on FR (to which I occasionally align myself) but I think you may have jumped the gun here.
As to this particular thread? Myself, I am a happy single baby boomer, early retirement, financially independent, zero debt, well educated, well traveled, minimal emotional baggage, and *gasp* one of those eeevil wimmins with high standards. Threads like this one usually provide good comedic value.
LOL.
You forgot to add "live in the basement."
I saw some rules for any single's ad:
40-ish...Really means...48
Average looking...Really means...Ugly.
Beautiful...Really means...Pathological liar.
Educated...Really means...College dropout.
Emotionally Secure...Really means...Medicated.
Free spirit...Really means...Drug user.
Fun...Really means...Annoying.
Open-minded...Really means...Desperate.
Outgoing...Really means...Loud.
Wants Soulmate...Really means...One step away from stalking.
Likely because it's fun for them, and they're in a comfort zone.
Probably the same reasons why I hung around bars, strip clubs and pool halls before meeting Mrs WBill. Until I figured out that I wasn't going to find "Ms Right", or even "Ms close to being acceptable" in a bar, a pool hall or a strip club.
It was a lot of fun while it lasted, though. :-) I will say, however, that I'm having more fun now - it's a different kind of fun from partying 5 or 6 days a week. And, it's a whole lot easier on my liver.
"Gee honey, it really feels great knowing that I'm your backup plan. Glad I can be around to supplement your income and help with the chores, and don't worry about trying to look nice or anything. I'll always be your #2, baby."
I found these parts especially interesting:
He's a young man in his 20s, refusing to grow up, with access to ATMs for instant money to spend on himself.
(What's so bad about spending the money you earn on yourself?)
... He's uncultured, uncouth and unkempt, preferring beer to fine wine, skateboards to sports cars and teenage toys to higher status symbols of maturity.
Beer is inferior to fine wine? Maybe to an elitist snob. As far as skateboards, sports cars, and status symbols...what difference does it make? Personally, I think the acquisition of any "status symbols" shows a vacuous personality. A real man finds his worth in his accomplishments, his self-sufficiency, his commitment to principles...not through objects. Not even through expensive, "mature", sexy objects.
What the hell is wrong with this?
I have no idea. I guess the author believes beer is only for the unsophisticated, immature, unwashed masses.
I wonder what she thinks about us guys who prefer bottom-shelf liquor with our stale, store brand soda pop.
I agree with all your points. I don’t like beer, myself, but plenty of fine, FReepin’ gentlemen do. And skateboards and “teenage toys” (Nintendo?) have the great advantage of being much cheaper than sports cars and “higher status symbols.” I wonder what those are, anyway?
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